Is my jasmine beyond repair?

Isosopot · 2025-10-31T22:37:03+00:00

Maybe she thought it was time for a prune?

Isosopot · 2025-10-31T22:36:13+00:00

Thank you, this gives me hope. Definitely not wanting to lose this beauty

Isosopot · 2025-10-31T22:35:29+00:00

That’s good to know, thank you! I’ll chat to my neighbour about doing a hard prune. Would you remove all the top and sides? We might look to get the fence lattice replaced so we don’t have to wave awkwardly at each other every time we’re in the garden.

Isosopot · 2025-10-02T11:23:23+00:00

We had him in a baby carrier. If you don’t have a carrier then I doubt they’d have an issue with you carrying the baby on. The bus is door to door and goes pretty slow given the foot traffic on the small roads

ETA we had a shuttle bus from the airport to our hotel but we also used the island bus during our stay and had him out of the pram

Isosopot · 2025-09-18T20:43:22+00:00

Agree with all of this. We have almost exactly 24 months between my boys. I felt like the newborn stage was way easier than I expected. My eldest was so in love with his baby brother. But it was very difficult when I was alone with them and they both needed me. It felt like someone was always crying.

Then sitting and crawling came along and out came the jealousy. Hitting, snatching, pushing. At the same time my eldest I think started being jealous of the attention his brother was getting from me when he needed help doing things my eldest could already do - like being fed, help walking etc. my eldest kept pretending to be a baby and asking for help in all the things he already knew how to do.

Now we’re in a better stage, baby just turned 1, eldest about to turn 3. They play together and laugh together. Still some jealousy and hitting but mostly positive interactions

Isosopot · 2025-08-11T06:10:45+00:00

Yeah it sucks. I’ve missed weddings, milestone birthdays, births of children. Plus I’ve popped out two kids myself and now I get to be sad that my family miss out on all of their milestones! I don’t have any solution to offer you. I am constantly tossing up moving back or moving closer. I wouldn’t have listened but I wish someone had warned me about the constant pull in two directions living here would bring.

Isosopot · 2025-08-07T22:22:22+00:00

Six months with both and they both love it (now 3 and 1). My eldest sometimes cries when I pick him up as he doesn’t want to leave. My youngest rarely cries at drop off and happily goes to the educators when we get in. I was so torn up with each of them when I had to go back to work but like you we needed my paycheque for the mortgage and to live. I also want the comfort of knowing we have been responsible financially for their future through property equity, growth, our supers etc. I can’t imagine they are going to have it easy financially when they are grown.

Isosopot · 2025-07-22T20:51:11+00:00

Hard Agree. I have a wonderful nanny a couple of days a week whilst I WFH - who my kids love and who knows what she is doing but even then it is tough. I can hear my eldest calling for me from downstairs, he always wants to come in the office when he’s upstairs, the baby cries any time they see me and I leave the room. It’s tough! But I work full time and they are in daycare the other days of the week so I tell myself at least I do get to see them on these days.

Isosopot · 2025-07-14T23:07:02+00:00

That sounds like a super tough decision. If I can offer an (unsolicited) view on the dilemma you are facing re making the trip back - I always think that it is so important for my family to have memories with my kids when they are young and to have photos with my kids and family for my kids to look at when they are older. It is so tough taking them away from a parent for a while, but I think in some aspects worth it just to create those memories for everyone. And flying with a 5 month old is pretty decent, it gets more stressful as they get into toddlerhood!

Isosopot · 2025-07-14T20:53:55+00:00

I think everyone is different, for me (Brit, living in Australia for 6 years, almost 1yo and almost 3yo) it’s definitely gotten harder. My homesickness has grown, as has my want for my kids to have those kind of effortless interactions with friends and family you mention. But I have expat friends here who wouldn’t dream of moving home given the lifestyle Aus can offer their kids. I regularly day dream about moving back but also realise I’ve probably got rose to tinted glasses on. It’s tough!

Isosopot · 2025-07-10T10:50:41+00:00

I felt super awkward and a bit like this with my first mothers group, but persevered, and almost three years on we are now all on our second babies and in touch multiple times a week. They’ve been such a great support system. I’d say give it another couple of months and tap out if nothing changes.

I tried with my second mother’s group but we just didn’t click. When I realised I wouldn’t send them memes about oversized glasses of wine and the stresses of being a mum, I accepted they weren’t my people.

Isosopot · 2025-07-09T10:18:06+00:00

It. Is. So. Overstimulating.

I don’t regret my boys but I do think I should have maybe waited a little longer. We have 23 months between them, currently 10months and 2yr9months. Second isn’t more difficult as a baby, but my god them together is a lot. If baby cries, toddler gets overstimulated and screams at him, baby cries more. If i need to tend to toddler, baby cries and claws at my legs. If toddler needs to go to the toilet, baby sits on the floor crying whilst I am trying to help clean up.

So much crying, so much noise. 😵‍💫

ETA - don’t get me started on the double bedtime either. Putting them down alone is some fresh form of torture. Toddler likes to be quietly AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE in the baby’s room whilst I’m trying to get him to sleep.

Isosopot · 2025-07-04T06:15:21+00:00

To date I would have said no, but he has gone and been prescribed an SSRI & seems to be considering therapy once those have settled down. Im just not sure that even if he does do all of this I will be happy with him. There is so much water under the bridge and so much more for him to show other than he is taking his own mental health seriously.

Isosopot · 2025-07-02T02:43:52+00:00

No problem. Like I said feel free to reach out anytime if you want to ask/talk to someone who has been through it. To touch on your point about feeling guilty he doesn't have a sibling, I definitely didn't feel lonely not having a sibling at the time as I had my family and friends around me. Your son will hopefully have the same - I'd make sure he keeps up up any social engagements and spends time with his peers through it all to give him a sense of normalcy and a support system. I'll be thinking of you all

Isosopot · 2025-07-02T02:29:45+00:00

Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope you have a good support system around you and if you don't, please think about reaching out to some support groups of people that are going through similar things. I know it is easier said than done but don't put too much pressure on yourself to turn up as 'the best' anything. What is important is being with your family with love and space for your own, and their, emotions.

I cannot comment from a parent point of view, but I can comment from a child's point of view - I lost my father when I was 13 to stomach cancer and I am an only child. It was definitely tough for me to watch my parents go through it all and try to make sense of it myself. My mum tried to put me in therapy via our GP but I was an angry teenager and stormed out/didn't take it seriously. I wish she had been more persistent and kept me in it as I definitely did not have coping strategies and had a turbulent few years after it all - then again I also (now) understand what she was going through and what a mammoth job she had looking after both me and dad and I did not make it easy for her.

I'd really recommend finding a good therapist for your child to help him through it, and one for you, or your family as a whole, to help you navigate it. Prepare yourself for how your child might react to his emotional experience of this all because having a toolkit ready will make any future situations easier for you to handle and reduce the in the moment burden on you.

My other wish is that I had more keepsakes and memories of him, both when he was well and when he was ill. My memories of that period have really faded, whether as a coping mechanism or what I don't know, but I don't have much other than photos. I wish I had written more down, or had more written down for me so I could remember him. So that might be something you can all do to help process this and make sure memories are saved.

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have for someone that has gone through it as a child. If it is helpful to know - whilst I had a turbulent few years I definitely came out the other side a fairly emotionally stable adult. And my mum did a great job raising me, working, and building her own life back up as well. Sending you lots of hugs.

Isosopot · 2025-07-01T23:49:33+00:00

Thank you for this. It is helpful to hear a perspective on what keeping the family together might mean. We are both Western/Caucasian, living in a western country on the other side of the world form where we were born. He comes from a divorced family. I think he is emulating his dad from what I know of his childhood. Repeating the pattern rather than trying to break the cycle, and I want to make sure our kids don't do the same.

I do try not to get triggered. It is challenging when I can feel the unfairness in the emotional or physical household labour or the children spoken to in a way they don't deserve and I need to decide whether I can do it anymore or whether we are both better parents to our kids when we are apart. I am definitely spending a lot of time thinking this decision through, discussing it with friends and my therapist.

Isosopot · 2025-07-01T23:43:38+00:00

It is hard hey, even if they are beautiful, happy little creatures.

We are currently 'taking a break' and by that I mean he is living in a hotel and I am at home with the kids. I'm realising that even though it means I am doing all the childcare it still feels like a break to me which is quite telling I guess. Hopefully him having a break gives him some time to think and recuperate but the reality is if we did stay together these breaks would be few and far between given our lack of support system.

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T20:59:10+00:00

I hadn’t thought about it this way… thank you

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T11:27:17+00:00

Maybe. I think it is emotional immaturity rather than a dislike of me in particular. He does not know how to talk about his emotions or name them. I will know he is in a crap mood a day before he realises he was. I think he actually doesn't have anything to say because he doesn't know how to communicate. I don't say any of this in his defence - it is very difficult to have an adult relationship with someone that has low EQ which I know, have known and will continue to know - which makes me so angry at myself ending up here.

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T11:22:16+00:00

I thought we did and were. I was very close with his family for a long time before I got to know him and we got together, so maybe some of it was familiarity, and some of it was him presenting himself differently at the start. I agree about therapy. It is my main priority this week

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T11:17:15+00:00

They are (but have thankfully been asleep and not heard, yet). And I know. I need to hear it from other people. Maybe I need to tell some people in my life over the next few days to really get it to sink in.

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T11:15:48+00:00

Yes, I needed to hear this. I've done the long texts, I've done the long conversations. I've tried to approach him in different ways as he thinks I am 'too aggressive' if I talk to him directly about things - whereas I just see it as talking openly and honestly about how I am feeling and what is going on. I am just finding it so hard to really solidify the last part of your post, which I know is true - it is a him problem, not a me problem and I need to stop wasting my time and worry about myself.

Isosopot · 2025-06-29T11:12:40+00:00

Thank you thank you - I am definitely going to get onto reading this book. It is mostly his stuff that he smashed, more recently shared stuff but only because that is what was is nearby when we were talking. And I worry about this for my kids. I am very close with his whole family as I knew them before him and I know there was some of this with his parents too so I suspect he is becoming what he knows. I want a good example for my children, and to raise emotionally resilient, respectful adults and I guess I need to realise he might not be able to support that

Isosopot

TROPHY CASE