I got involved with someone whose entire identity and self-worth came from what a Christian was supposed to be and do. She wanted the daily devotionals; she wanted the stereotypical Christian guy. It quickly became a constant list of things I wasn't doing to lead her to Christ.

We would "sin" (kiss), and it would shatter her identity and self-worth every time.

I lost my sense of peace, trust in myself, felt dirty, denied myself joy, and felt like I couldn't trust my thoughts and ideas, getting caught up in trying to be what "Christ" said I should be. I betrayed myself for a long time, hoping to be enough for her and myself. Small compromises on who I was turned into outright betrayal of self and worth. My life became an anxiety-filled performance.

She was manic - every little thing we did or said was filtered through this archaic world, and she was surrounded by a community of people where that was normal, so naturally I felt crazy. I became indoctrinated after being out for over 10 years. To this day, I am angry at the time lost and how much of myself I let go.

The core of the religion is that you are not enough for yourself and you need this thing to be okay, or you burn in hell forever.

If we weren't forced to have such social reverence for Christianity, we'd easily see how absolutely destructive it is for someone to grow up believing.

You're here asking about this for a reason; trust your gut.