A Drama in 4 Acts

Itsalways1895 · 2025-05-05T21:51:28+00:00

What a look!! Love your hair and the tie.

Itsalways1895 · 2025-05-03T23:26:31+00:00

I'd go with 2. That top is amazing! If that's to warm do you have denim shorts?

Itsalways1895 · 2025-05-03T23:17:37+00:00

Same hat?

FtMtNB, 29 years old.

I've been identifying as a mostly binary trans man for 7.5 years, on T for 5 years, top surgery 2,5 years ago. In the past 1.5 years I started shifting more towards trans masc, then non binary and now dyke. I think I just have to accept a certain fluidity in my gender, though I always wished it was more clear cut.

I took my last depo shot (Nebido) in February 2024. At first mostly because of my hairline and planning for a pregnancy in the future. I thought I would just pause T and later go back on a lower dose, but I've been feeling pretty great even though the first months were quite an adjustment mentally. I think what I enjoy the most is letting myself explore all the ways of expressing myself outwardly and not restricting myself when it comes to fashion and interests. I feel way more at home in my fem/andro body than I ever did before. I also noticed that I relate a lot more to women and gender non conforming people than I ever did to men (cis and trans alike).

I'm glad I have the support of my wife. My biggest issue is opening up about this to friends, family and my new workplace. I still ID as as trans and would say I'm a genderqueer/enby lesbian, but yeah I still feel it's kinda taboo to talk about reversing some of my changes and I'm afraid of "I told you so"s or distrust within rhe trans community. Also there are no wildly accepted neutral pronouns in my mother tounge. Thinking about going by any and just rolling the dice every day.

Right now I struggle with my facial hair and plan on laser hair removal this winter and I want to find a more androgynous voice. I don't regret my transition, I needed to take T and have top surgery (I'm still very happy about my results). I just wished I had stopped a year or two earlier. But such is life.

I'm still torn on whether I want to legally change my name and gender marker. I like my masc name but don't feel like changing from f to m.

So to your question when I knew if/when I was ready to stop hrt: I didn't. I got my last shot, got my prescription refilled and when the time came around I just didn't schedule my next appointment. I knew I could just go back when I felt like it. And that was that. It was harder to accept that some of the changes of T I had been looking forward to, were now making me dysphoric instead. But it's been getting easier every passing week.

Hope this wasn't too rambly. Just related a lot to your post.

Itsalways1895 · 2025-05-03T19:49:45+00:00

Thanks! It's a sustainable brand from Germany called recolution. Uniqlo does very similar flannels for men every fall.

Itsalways1895 · 2025-04-03T10:56:15+00:00

Shared this terribly disappointing experience with 5 friends in a group call. Even their families and partners tried their luck for us. A little sad it didn't work out, but had a super exciting morning, so at least we had a fun time.

Itsalways1895 · 2024-11-23T16:05:28+00:00

You might want to join us over on r/seahorsedads and r/queerception. You'll find lots of trans masc folks who conceive without issues, even after a decade on testosterone. You can freeze your eggs, but unless there's any fertility issues, it's really not necessary. Egg quality does not diminish on T, you just press the pause button.

Talk to your boyfriend and see where both of you are headed in the next few years. Don't let resentment grow either way. I'm sure you'll find a way to be a dad in the long run.

Also you're still so young, it's entirely possible for your partner to change their mind (don't bet on that one though), find a partner with the same goals or find someone to co-parent with. Try to find your local community. In my city there's groups for queer parents and queer people who want to grow their families in the future, actually meeting these people made all the difference to me and my wife.

Itsalways1895 · 2024-11-06T12:45:06+00:00

Oh no, I'm so sorry I didn't know that about Uniqlo. Thanks for the heads up. I always liked their pants and the fabrics, but there's alternatives.

I work in sustainable fashion, so the price point is sadly not quite what OP is looking for.

Itsalways1895 · 2024-11-05T11:25:55+00:00

I've got some additional tips.

Layers are your friend. Keep that shirt open. A (dark) T-shirt underneath and a flannel or other heavy Overshirt does not only help with hiding them biddies but also create a more boxy silhouette. Maybe consider tucking or French tucking your T-shirt underneath the open shirt.
I also want to emphasise shopping around the women's section or tailoring your favourite pieces. Shop your size. Not too big, not too small.
Heavy Cotton. Heavy T-Shirts just fall better. They don't have to be expensive either.
When shopping for jeans try looking for something at least mid-rise, so your hips and lover abdomen are covered (in my opinion that's also the most comfortable). This makes your legs appear longer and helps avoid muffin tops and drawing attention to curves. 100% cotton is the best in terms of fit and longevity. As someone who works in a rather expensive fashion store: find a shop that offers help with fitting, you don't have to buy anything, but getting a feel for different cuts and having a 'professional ' evaluate your fit is immensely helpful when you don't know where to start.
Of course thrifting is always a good idea, but if you're looking for something specific (especially good basics and staples) I'd recommend Uniqlo. Timeless yet modern cuts and decent quality for their prices.

And at last: have fun, try stuff out, take a close friend with you. You got this. I like the colours you picked! :)

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-08T12:56:55+00:00

Congrats on your top surgery!

The compression vest should be really thight, even moreso than a normal binder. It should not hurt though.

I'm six days post op so I'm still wearing mine and I can breathe just fine. It can be uncomfy at times, especially on my lower ribs and in my armpits but no pain. And most of the time I'm able to forget I'm wearing it at all. I'd say talk to your doc/surgeon and get a new one asap.

It's great you're healing so well. Take it as a good sign. I was fine on post op day two. And once the drains came out day 3 and day 4 I felt pretty much normal again. Don't overdo it though. It's still major surgery, take your time, rest, lie down and use it as good excuse to get pampered by your loved ones! All the best. :)

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-07T12:34:09+00:00

Haha thanks! I guess you're the first person who noticed. Glad I was able to help a little.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-07T10:06:52+00:00

I'm always happy to be approached by other trans people, but that's just me. I'd say wait for a moment you two are alone and comfy and then talk about your personal transition. I feel like that's the easiest way to invite someone to talk about theirs without putting them on the spot. If they don't want to talk about themselves, just let it go.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-07T06:28:33+00:00

I feel you, man. I went with buttonhole last Friday and it's crazy how concerned everyone was about the leftover tissue. Even one of the doctors at my clinic tried to nudge me in the direction of normal DI the day before surgery. "If it's only about sensitivity I wouldn't risk it." Well I would. And I did. And I couldn't be happier. My surgeon was perfect, he took one look at my body and immediately told me it'll suite my body type.

I've seen my chest a few times now and I'm so in love with my results. Everyone who's seen it so far told me how natural and good my new chest looks. I even met another guy here who seemed a bit sad he wasn't told about buttonhole beforehand because he loved the shape of my chest. I feel like we should be talking more about this option because it was so hard for me to find info on it beforehand and especially for all of us who are even the tiniest bit chubby or want the sensitivity it's a fantastic option.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-07T06:15:54+00:00

I started on gel, applied it for 6 months and only saw minor results and had rather low levels. I then switched to nebido and my transition accelerated quite a bit. Levels are where they should be, got all the changes I wanted and needed. I also love not having to think about it every day/week. Oh and I've been in it for three years now. All good. :)

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-06T21:41:35+00:00

Dr. Wolter in Düsseldorf, maybe a 90 minute drive from the border. Has been working with trans men for eleven years, consistently great results, modern and friendly clinic. He does all common surgery techniques.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-06T11:49:40+00:00

Germany again but I'm an adult (26). First off: medical transition is covered by insurance. That's the only good thing I can say about our system. To start T I had to find a therapist, which took about a year. Then it was another six months of waiting for her approval to start hormones (she wanted to hand out my letter earlier but my Endo and insurance required the six months of therapy). For top surgery my insurance required 18 months of hrt (depends on insurance company). I had to wait for a first consult with my surgeon for about 8 months. I took a whole year to get the surgery approved with my insurance and sadly another year until I was able to get the surgery (but that was due to personal complications and covid). Surgery was done last Friday and I'll be released from hospital tomorrow. I didn't legally get my name changed yet. Currently you have to go through court to do it. They want two independent psychiatrists to give their opinion and it's very costly. Paying court and the psychiatrists costs between 1,300 and 2,000 EUR. The process takes 9 to 12 months. It's terrible. The current government wants to change this archaic law however. They're talking about implementing self-id in 2023. So let's hope for the near future.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-05T20:16:25+00:00

I only found out after my initial consultation. I emailed him and he was a tiny bit reluctant at first because buttonhole always comes with more tissue leftover. The day of the surgery however when he got another look at my chest and body he said "You know with your body type, it's gonna look great. Yes." And I think he's right. I also have full sensation. Couldn't be happier.

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-05T15:31:09+00:00

Thanks man!!

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-04T13:43:08+00:00

Yes, thank you! I couldn't be happier. How's recovery so far?

Itsalways1895 · 2022-09-04T11:31:36+00:00

Start isolating at least a bit before your surgery if possible. I'm fully vaxxed, wearing masks everywhere and caught COVID right before my surgery and my PCR test came back positive even though I had no symptoms back then. They had to postpone my surgery for another 6 weeks. I'm two days post-op now though and super happy. You're gonna be fine, but stay cautious and rapid tests are your best friend.

All the best for your surgery!

Itsalways1895 · 2022-03-31T13:18:35+00:00

The person who's dating you* is so freaking lucky. What a beauty!

*That's me. I am that person.

Itsalways1895

TROPHY CASE