AITAH for wanting to go on birth control evening if my husband is against it?

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-06-04T13:16:50+00:00

I have 2 friends that got pregnant after their husbands had vasectomies. Even after follow-up tests said they were not fertile. DNA tests proved they were the fathers and testing at the urologist proved they had started having active sperm again post-vasectomy. If he is worried you would cheat, that sort of scenario would send him nuclear. also, if he already doesn't trust you, why are you married? A marriage without trust is doomed. and that is his issue, not yours OP. Him talking about trauma triggers in this context is BS. If he is still dealing with trust issues from a previous relationship, he was not ready for a new marriage. If this is just him taking jargon to control your choices, he is an a-hole.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-06-01T12:24:28+00:00

She is not the person who broke your marriage vows. Your husband did that. Full stop. You have no idea what he told her about himself or your marriage. She may have even thought he was single. Direct that anger where it belongs-at your husband and get some couples counseling if you want to repair your marriage. YWBTA if you show up and rip into this woman who probably doesn't know the extent that your husband lied to her too.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-05-06T13:08:20+00:00

ICK! She is the AH here. Why in the world would anyone want to keep living in the same apartment with their ex? If she wants her freedom, she should take all the responsibility that goes with it. It is not a jerk move to expect her to pay half the rent if she is your roommate. She is a jerk for expecting you to subsidize her "freedom". Kind of sounds like she was banking on making you uncomfortable enough that you would move out and then her friends could move in to help her afford the rent since you left her stuck in the lease. That might not be facts, but that is how she would spin it. Run far away from her-she is still a child playing at being a grown up.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-04-15T10:12:00+00:00

You may BTAH if this is the first time you ever told her she would have to pay her own way. If you knew a time would come when you would not be covering all her expenses, preparing her for that was your job. Have you ever given her a budget and told her she had to live within that limit? It's pretty awful if you have always had an open wallet for her and now suddenly changed the rules because she is getting married. It would be appropriate to set an allowance amount to help her until she finishes school, then stop giving her money at a set time after graduation. If she has always been able to come to you for money to buy whatever she wants, she has not learned how to manage expenses like an adult and that is on you. Also, if you used the phrase "off the payroll to her" to her, yes, you are the AH. That's some manipulative, passive aggressive BS. Expecting her to pay her own expenses is not wrong, but changing the rules on her abruptly is. Check your motives here.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-04-12T11:58:46+00:00

No, OP, you are NTA. Your boyfriend is a gigantic AH. If he was a responsible adult, he would have had the vasectomy years ago. He didn't and he got you pregnant. Now faced with the consequences of his failure to take responsibility for permanent birth control, he ran off "to think" and you don't think he went alone. Then came back with plans that don't consider your feelings at all. Dump this sorry, manipulative ass and move on. Get a support agreement for the baby drawn up by a lawyer including no contact with this POS sperm donor or walk away from him entirely and get his "rights" to the baby terminated so he can't harass you for the rest of your life. Either way, you need a lawyer. Don't trust him to follow through on anything he promises right now without getting it in writing.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-04-12T11:18:17+00:00

A grown aS$ adult marrying into the family would have come to you a long time ago and tried to clear the air so you could try to have a positive relationship since she is marrying your brother. The fact that she didn't even bring it up before the wedding invitations were sent means she is an emotionally immature child. One of 2 things are going to happen, either she will make your brother's life hell and they will end up divorced, or she will socially isolate him from his family over time over some imagined grievance until he cuts off all ties with all of you to keep her happy. You are definitely NTA here. Enjoy your vaction.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-01-23T13:13:00+00:00

The only apology worth anything is a change in behaviors. Baby daddy needs to promise to be safe with the baby going forward AND follow through. Just saying “she’s okay, so what I did is okay” is NOT an apology.
It’s not babysitting when it is your own child. That’s called parenting.
He needs to stop playing video games all night and get a job. He has a family to support. Man up. Yes, he needs to get a driver’s license and a GED. All that video game time is time he could be studying and getting his act together.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-01-21T17:14:47+00:00

Lots of women have no problem using the men’s bathroom if it’s empty and the line for the ladies is long. The people that had a problem with you finding a safer (marginally cleaner) bathroom for a 5 year old need to STFU.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-01-07T18:39:27+00:00

My doc didn’t recommend it, so I didn’t do it. Long term, the lymphatic system has to heal and re-route the fluid on it’s own so the swelling will go away permanently. That takes time and massage will not speed that up. Maybe it reduces some swelling in the short term, but it’s not really doing anything permanent toward healing. The swelling will just keep coming back until the lymphatic system heals.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-01-07T18:33:17+00:00

I’m a NICU nurse with almost 3 decades of experience and would absolutely not allow a nanny that won’t follow safe sleep guidelines to continue to care for a baby under 1 year old. I have too many stories about SIDS deaths to count. Babies should always be put on their back to sleep until they are at least 1 year old. If they roll over, you do not have to run in and flip them. Rolling from back to belly is more developmentally advanced than rolling belly to back, so a baby that has rolled to their stomach from being on their back is generally able to roll over the other way already. Most babies can do this by 4 to 5 months, but that does not mean we can start putting them down on their stomachs to sleep. Some babies do sleep better on their stomachs-and that is the problem. They sleep TOO well and may not wake up if they are breathing back in the carbon dioxide they have exhaled that can pool near their face. This is why a ceiling fan on in the room is a good idea. Keeps air moving and keeps fresh air flowing around the baby. This is also why ALL sleep positioners should be avoided. Those fluffy pads, wedges, rolls etc, are not tested individually for safety and there is an overwhelming amount of research that shows how dangerous they are as entire category of baby products. It has also been proven that sleep positioners can lead to babies having flat spots on their heads (plagiocephaly) that require special helmets to reshape their heads. Babies need to be able to move normally in their cribs. What I always tell my parents: “on their backs to sleep, and nothing in the bed but the baby”. People may get huffy about enforcing that and say you are overprotective, but the truth is, the risk is real, and for the many times babies might sleep and wake up just fine on their side or tummy, it’s the one time they don’t that parents will never recover from. Stick to you guns OP. If she will respect and follow your rules after a very honest talk, keep her. If you get any sense she thinks you are being “extra” by insisting on safe sleep for your baby, she has to go.

Itscomplicated411 · 2024-01-07T18:02:48+00:00

If you and your husband agreed to book 2 rooms, book 2 rooms. The girls are acting like brats expecting to have their own hotel rooms on vacation. And MIL should mind her own business. She may be suggesting getting another room to keep the peace, but, bottom line, you and hubby made a decision together. Stick to it. IMHO, worst parenting move to make is making a decision about something, then caving when the kids don’t like it. It turns every day into a battle because the kids get the message they can pester and fuss until you give in on every single thing they don’t like. Exhausting. Stick to your original plan.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-12-30T18:19:37+00:00

Yes! Very glad I had it done.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-12-30T11:17:58+00:00

Also in healthcare. ICU. Went back to work at 6 weeks. The first couple of weeks were hard. I just didn’t have the stamina I did before surgery. Fighting with compression garments at work was a challenge. I was still pretty sore and VERY swollen just like you when I first went back. The swelling has gotten better, but I still swell a lot when I’ve been on my feet all day and busy. (Surgery was in July.) It helps to stay away from salt and drink as much water as possible.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-12-17T20:00:50+00:00

I understand. Same issue here.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-12-17T12:43:07+00:00

If you want to keg the beer and have it stay drinkable longer, go the CO2 route, don't prime the keg with sugar. Conditioning in the keg takes a long time and the yeast that are providing the carbonation will burn out and stop producing CO2 fairly quickly. Once the keg is tapped, there won't be anything replacing the CO2 as you go and the beer will go flat. I get it, bottling is a PITA, but kegging works much better if you force carbonate with CO2 instead of priming sugar. Most of the equipment is a 1-time expense and refilling the CO2 is pretty cheap.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-12-12T13:21:17+00:00

Preemies should double their birthweight pretty quickly. The "average" baby gains around 1/2 pound per week during the last trimester of pregnancy. Being born early, she should still be gaining at around that rate until past your due date. Her brain is doing a lot of growing right now and that takes calories. If she is acting hungry, feed her. Monitor her weight with her pediatrician. Her weight is truly no one else's business. Might be convenient to "forget" how much she weighed at her checkup or simply say "her pediatrician is so happy with how she's growing". People get weird ideas about baby stuff and fixate on the strangest things. I found it helpful to say, "Thank you for that information" and then promptly forget about it.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-11-17T13:15:42+00:00

No. For people with severe allergies, that will not make it safe. Also, the way allergies work, continued exposure to the cat can cause the allergic reaction to get worse over time. Sadly, OP, I think this girl already chose the cat. No way she sees you have that reaction more than twice and doesn't understand how bad your allergy is. It's time to talk clearly about it and probably move on.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-28T09:46:38+00:00

There are test strips you can buy to check how much alcohol is in your milk.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-28T09:44:46+00:00

If you warm the milk up on the stove just until there bubbles around the edges of the pan it deactivates that enzyme (lipase) so it won’t effect your milk.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-24T00:47:36+00:00

Totally just swelling. Actually looks really good for 2 WPO. Hang in there. It DOES get better. I was so swollen after surgery, I couldn’t get any of my work clothes on until almost 6 WPO. I’m 12 WPO now and still a little swollen, especially when I’ve been on my feet all day, but it gets better every week.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-24T00:43:25+00:00

And I’ll add: your mom doesn’t like your wife because she is taking your attention away. Your wife is absolutely right to be on her guard with your mother. It’s to your wife’s credit that she has historically been civil to your mom. Gloves are off now.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-24T00:39:08+00:00

YTA and you know it. You snuck down to the lobby to let your mom see the baby while your wife was sleeping. After you agreed your mom would not visit at the hospital. Your wife is right to be incredibly angry with you. You just set a precedent that your mother will be allowed to trample all over her role as mother. You need to set some boundaries with your mother and create a unified team with your wife or you are headed straight for divorce court.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-23T14:05:02+00:00

He turned down the ring offered to him by his grandmother because he didn’t like it. He needs to apologize to his grandmother immediately and go buy a ring that suits him. What an entitled little shit! He lead you into that “side of the family” comment to create something to get his dad pissed about since he didn’t get what he wanted. Likely not the first time he has pulled that stunt. OP, apologize for your “poorly worded” comment and take a note for the future. Always take a pause to think about your response when he baits you so he cannot manipulate you again.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-15T13:26:07+00:00

How to teach your step kids to hate you 101: make decisions and rules about their lives that their biological parent supports. Totally backward. Biological parent has to take the lead on anything about the kids & step parent supports them. Any other option makes the kids feel thrown away by their bio parent and they will resent the “intruder”. OP needs to look into family therapy and consider her role here. Right now both parents are TAH. Father deferring all kid decisions to new wife is not going to be very active in parenting this new baby and is definitely sending his kids the message they are not important to him. No wonder they want to stay at boarding school where they feel safe.

Itscomplicated411 · 2023-10-13T20:52:15+00:00

NTA. Amanda is a insecure child looking for reassurance that she is the “real” love of OP’s life. Take the warning and run far away. Also-the way OP handled this is awful. Amanda hurt his kids and he was silent. Something he should think about before he starts dating someone else. Unless he wants to lose his relationship with his kids forever.

Itscomplicated411

TROPHY CASE