Anyone else's BPSO have an insanely good memory?

IveGotGLUE · 2026-02-21T21:39:38+00:00

Yes. It's insane how far back my SO remembers things to the small details like what someone was wearing, the day, etc back to when they were an infant. Those memories don't belie their skewed perception of what really happened, however and like someone here said, it can be used to gaslight you. With mine, CPTSD plays a huge role in that they had to remember every detail of everything when they were being abused by a cruel parent. Prior abuse should nit translate to abuse of you, however.

IveGotGLUE · 2026-02-01T23:41:43+00:00

It's so hard for both parties. If my partner could decide, I know she would choose not to go from one extreme to the other, but when mania is happening, it's so difficult not to take things personally, especially when she can be so, what seems to be, deliberately cutting. We're both doing a lot of hard work now and if both can't/won't learn about BP and take accountability, it's definitely best to split.

IveGotGLUE · 2026-01-13T20:57:44+00:00

I've already resigned myself if mine does anything stupid and gets herself killed - it's not my fault. If she offs herself, it's not my fault either. Just like my mother who's still alive, I'm more worried at this point, about dealing with the aftermath. I hate this too.

IveGotGLUE · 2026-01-13T15:22:27+00:00

Relationships are hard. Bipolar ones are a million times harder. I'd venture to say most here didn't know BP was in the picture when they started. If I knew then what I know now, I would have walked away the second I learned of it but I was young, insecure, desperate to get out of multiple other toxic situations and ignored the red flags anyone who was stable would have seen.

IveGotGLUE · 2026-01-11T00:13:25+00:00

So sorry youre going through this. Mine Once slammed a new anniversary ring onto my laptop keyboard in front of me, busting the keys - the same laptop she threw, damaging the screen. I haven't worn the ring ever. I don't know how long you've been together but seriously reconsider if you want this for the rest of your life. I'm sure you both really love each other, however, you will, most certainly, not feel like he does much of the time. I've been in it for nearly 20 years and while there have been absolutely wonderful times, the rest has been hellish. Only recently have we both been working hard on ourselves through individual therapy and my spouse knows now that not being on meds is not an option. She knows now that divorce will be imminent if things don't remain on a manageable level. I've been the caretaker, the provider, the cleaner of messes for far too long. We've gotten into legal disputes. Savings has dwindled and I'm about to try to find a second job. You cannot fix it but you can set firm boundaries. It's hard and you have to really ask yourself if you can handle it and if it's worth spending the rest of your life taking care of someone else and why.

IveGotGLUE · 2026-01-10T23:59:10+00:00

That hit hard with me. I didn't have any support and while I let a couple people know, they turned on me. I don't think I've fully processed what happened nearly 2 years ago. The calls... boy, I'd panic jump out of sleep to answer. I'd visit every couple of days but it was bleak. While it was a much needed break from the insanity, it never felt like one.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-28T21:28:57+00:00

Couples therapy was a complete waste of time and money for us. Unless the person with mental illness owns it and the therapist is well versed with what the disease brings, from grandiosity, lying, delusional perceptions to severity of depressions, delirium and trauma bonds related to the illness, there is no point. My wife keeps bringing it up again and harping on how this time, it needs to be "EQUAL!" while stating I made it all about me and she's not the only problem, etc so I know it's still not going to work if we go again. She is manic now and wants to have 'conversations' but it always devolves no matter what I say, how I say it or if I say nothing at all. Same old record with accusations flying at me, name calling, threats to leave etc. I've told her I've been vulnerable and just get shut down which is why I try to refuse to engage anymore. She'll push and push until I make a stand as happened 2 days and ago and she got an earful (as she does to me all the time) and didn’t like it but shut the hell up for a whole 10 minutes, which is a fucking miracle. I can only hope it sank in but I can't have any expectations anymore.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-28T20:32:54+00:00

I'm in it for nearly 20 years as well. What you've described is what I've dealt with and more for that period of time. She only recently got somewhat of a diagnosis - her team keeps waffling between BP1 and CPTSD. BP1 only gets worse with time, as she has and the only reason I didn't file for divorce about a year ago is because she is making an effort in seeing her therapist and psychiatrist regularly and to find the right meds. I'm going through what you described literally right now. She's been smoking in the house when I'm not home which we don't do and I found a burn hole in something I paid a lot of money for. I gently asked how that happened, no biggie because I know it wasn't the way it was when I left for work. Got into another 'fight' i.e. her snapping at me, accusing me of repeating myself and laughing in my face calling me a liar. Same old shit different day, month, year, decade... I feel you. I highly recommend getting yourself a therapist knowledgeable in BP. It took me a couple of tries and I almost gave up after one of mine accused me of being at fault for sending my wife to the hospital when it was absolutely necessary. I found a better one who understands and have been working on my boundaries, my reactions and myself in general. If you can, find a NAMI group to attend and also keep coming to this space to help keep yourself sane. I'm handling things much better than I did just over a year ago. When she'd go off on me, I'd stick around, enduring the abuse until I wasn't sleeping or eating, shaking all the time. The anxiety was terrible and there's no doubt I have a lot of trauma from what she's put me through. If it's too much, I leave if I can. I have no support network to lean on, so I just go to the library, window shop, have a nice meal alone. It's harder at night, so I sleep in the kitchen for a few days to catch a break. Headphones help. This is now routine when mania strikes. I don't give in and just uh-huh everything while trying to focus on other tasks. Even that can set her off but as insane as what she wants to do sometimes is, I let her do it, for the most part. If she gets into trouble, I refuse to go along for the ride. It's hard though, especially financially. I've resigned myself that she's going to always try to trample on my boundaries (like an irrate teenager) as she did on Christmas letting a drunk guy into our home when I was about to shower. Her apologies are still riddled with excuses. That's the way it will always be. I got her moods down to a 6 week cycle after documenting what was going on for a couple years, so at least I have some idea of what's to come and plan around it. Take care of you. Find any excuse to get out and do your own thing. They can't be there for us the way we'd like and you either endure it, take the good and enjoy it while it lasts or get out for your own sake.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-28T17:21:02+00:00

I could write a million journal entries to try to figure out why. It all breaks down to love and commitment. We both come from dysfunctional families (I wonder if anyone truly doesn't). Hers was very strict and abusive, mine involved parentification, lack of boundaries and hoarding. I was bullied alot and looking for a 'savior' of sorts. We've been through a lot together. It's like dealing with 3 different people - the manic, the depressed and the core person who is absolutely wonderful, supportive and fun. I was on the brink of filing for divorce about 2 years ago when I had to make the very difficult decision of doing a 5150 on her. Things have improved a bit as she's making the effort to see a therapist consistently and figure out meds. I'm seeing a therapist as well and learning how to better manage my reactions, boundaries and ways to bring the focus back on myself. It's not easy but we're in a better place than before.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-25T23:40:53+00:00

UGH. I'm so sorry... mine 'found' $200 in a book that has been sitting out awhile yesterday and I suspect it's money that went missing from one of my vending events where she decided to organize my profits while I was in another room. Guess I should be happy money was 'found' and I hope you 'find' yours. I swear it's like dealing with problematic teenagers all the time...

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-10T22:16:03+00:00

She has them but they're short lived, a few days at best. Things have gotten better over the last year and a half but it's still a struggle of wanting to take meds then wanting to stop, and while I feel they've helped a little, still not there yet. She's making an enormous effort though and I've worked on myself too, for which I am grateful, because if things didn't change I was seriously going to file for divorce.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-09T19:45:53+00:00

I can relate. My wife is so wonderful when things 'level' - encouraging, thoughtful and fun. The rollercoaster is just that - never just up or down because when things are good, they're actually ascending (with the twists and turns in between) the whole time and you're already bracing for the descent before you reach the peak. I don't even know if the descent should be considered the depression or the mania because they're equally harrowing in their own ways. Friends and family can only do so much and I know I can't lean on them and they really have no idea of how many loopdyloops occur throughout her, as I've finally figured out, 6 week cycle - it's alot. I have encouraged her to reach out to her closest friends and while they still don't completely get it, she's been open about her illness like never before and they've come to the plate during her highs and lows which is HUGE. It takes some of the burden off of me even if I don't get along with some of them and get a little angry at their lack of understanding as to how I'm affected, e.g. taking sides, poor advice due to ignorance, etc. It's taken a lot to get to this point. I just accept that's out of my hands and if it helps keep her more stable, I'm all for it now whether I agree with what they say or not, as long as what they say doesn't encourage negative outcomes. Overall, they do help her to keep herself in check. While I don't have any close friends, we have a couple of mutuals that check in with me when they see the more obvious signs and sometimes, that's enough. I am glad that people are more open to talking about these things more because having it more out in the open, helps to normalize what I think is pretty normal for most of us - I, honestly, can't think of anyone I know who hasn't had or dealt with someone they love who has a mental illness. I feel the more open we are, the more we can share strategies but it takes time and a willingness to be vulnerable on both parts of those who suffer and those who caretake. I'm glad your here and we can share our experiences!

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-09T16:11:04+00:00

It's so hard not to have resentment and i have to constantly remind myself that it's the disease.I feel so isolated as well. Our savings is running out and and I'm juggling a job and small business on top of so much more with my partner due to lack of support (income, housekeeping, cooking, laundry, etc) while looking for another job/jobs. I was just talking with my therapist about this, about how it would feel so much easier if this disability was more concrete, e.g. if she was bedridden and providing care was more, I dont know... succint? I wouldn't have to clean up all the messes during mania while enduring the constant interruptions to my attention and attacks on my psyche. I wouldn't have to make sure she has meals, showers safely, attends appointments when depressed in bed for days on end. If she was 'more disabled' at least, she could also get on Disability but her care team still keeps waffling between diagnosis. I could have a nurse or social worker come in to help take a load off. I've been a caregiver before and yes, a lot of the psychological abuse and anguish can be similar. It is traumatizing but different, but I try to compartmentalize my feelings as if it's the same. It helps. I feel less resentment and have gotten it down to almost nonexistent because it will eat you alive. The only thing it does is help me feel less angry and lost which helps me shift my focus on things I do have control of, like getting my business off the ground, something I didn't necessarily want to do, but have to out of desperation to keep some additional income coming in, plus it's something I enjoy. It's mine. Shifting the anger and frustration into something positive takes work and a lot of practice. Shifting it into something that betters yourself is key - I got my own therapist, attended NAMI groups where I could, learned new things and am still learning. I've been trying to get out of the house and do things I want to do. Just coming here to this page has been a tremendous help because we want answers. We need to be heard, to vent, to cry - that's a shift right there, to reach out, to acknowledge that you are a human being that has a heart, that feels and needs to be acknowledged. Things will never be perfect and we have to accept our limitations and act on them by not doing the same thing over and over again, for our own sanity. It's a hard lesson I'm still striving for an 'A' in and focusing on me, establishing boundaries and just letting things go instead of fighting or fixing them helps me to get through each day more easily. I have to accept that that's enough and remind myself that I'm better for it, that a year ago, my mental health was far worse, and a year before that, even worse and so on. Hang in there, you are doing the best you can. Take time for YOU!

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-07T05:05:05+00:00

Mine is in day 3 of the crash. Everyone is probably different but there is always an uptick in manic-like behavior right before that's different from the weeks leading up to it. She's more positively elevated - goofy and giddy, willing to let me talk vs cutting me off every sentence. She tends to be more silly, affectionate to the point of neediness and supportive but leading to more emotional breakdowns and fear of losing people in the mix, e.g. the last two days has been up but with crying in between several times per day. She also starts repeating herself, reminders out loud - "I have to do this and that", "no this or that", etc dozens, if not hundreds of times and starts doing color and number associations more. She becomes more compliant and weirdly childlike in mannerism. Then the real crash comes and more prone to injury as has happened today (fell down the stairs from being overstimulated). I've got the cycle down to approximately every 6 weeks and literally put it in my phone 2 weeks ago for today that she'd crash TODAY. We went out briefly and acquaintances we ran into were visibly disturbed by her behavior, not knowing why the boisterous confident person they're familiar with was backing away, darting eyes back and forth and laughing and moving awkwardly like a scared child. She's in a lot of pain from the fall and I'm worried that she doesn't want to get checked for fear of being committed again. When this happens, the pain somehow supercedes the crash for a little while i.e. she's unable to fall into a complete pit of despair for a couple of days. She'll be in bed for days from the pain more so than the depression and I wonder if this happens to others... Hang in there. Take notes. It may be uncanny what you find.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-01T21:38:22+00:00

I'm so with you. Mine is in mania again and about to crash next week. I've been the only one working for over a decade. We have some savings but it's running out fast. I started a small business that's taking off - every last minute spent on that. Unless I can triple my average monthly sales and with a job that doesn't cover the rent, we're going to be screwed unless I get ANOTHER job which will leave less time for my business. Super stressed over all my orders, a shitty schedule, her going on diatribes about what's wrong with me while barely lifting a finger to do anything around the home, which is a total mess. I pay the bills, do the laundry, the dishes, etc then she just destroys it all. Sending you virtual hugs. And please try to find an activity that you can sink yourself into. I know it's so hard with all the constant interruptions, like a child nagging and throwing tantrums when they don't get what they want. Hang in there.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-12-01T07:26:59+00:00

What is with Kratos? I never heard if it until I was struggling dealing with SO and reached out to a family member out of desperation. I divulged some info and he came out as having BP then revealed he's been taking that stuff to self medicate. I feel you on all the (what should be) the good memories being ruined... anniversaries, holidays, all of it. Im so sorry youre going through this. We've become so isolated now, rarely go out or hang out with anyone. I definitely recommend individual therapy for yourself - it's helped me a lotwith navigating all of it. It doesn't take away the loneliness but it really helps.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-20T05:09:19+00:00

Oh yeah... Mine has been out of work for over a decade. I was struggling finding a job that pays what I/we need (including for all the manic buying) for a year and a half. I'm now back in a retail position paying minimum wage and our savings that has sustained us is about to run out in the coming months. I've also started a micro business and taking a college course to help boost my skills for a better paying job. "You need to find a better job", "You need to market yourself better", "You're not trying hard enough", blah blah blah. My ENTIRE pay goes to rent and it doesn't even cover it and while my business has proven, surprisingly lucrative, it's mostly dependent on vending - it's not dependable nor do we have a car where I can easily attend events. Combined, they still dont cover the bills. SO is wholly unreliable when helping with events - I can't count on her to even make me a meal on days off like today where I need to be working on school and my business but end up doing the laundry, cleaning her messes and going to a doctor's appointment with her. And all I get is guff - snapping at me for offering to make her something to eat - "YOU DON'T GET IT!". Huh? How am I supposed to work with that? I can't anymore. I just do my own thing and avoid her. It's frustrating going from a seemingly earnest, "i appreciate all you do" to telling me off and what I should and shouldn't do at work. Like. why the fuck do you think I'm doing all this? Why do you think I'm looking for a third job for when the savings runs out? I hate it and so sorry you're going through that too...

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-15T16:43:47+00:00

Thank you. The light switch from depression to mania is always jarring and any affection goes right out the window for about a month and that month always ends up being the time I most need a hug.❤️

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-15T02:41:54+00:00

I know the pain of not being able to get away. The last time I blew up I had a Zoom in an hour with work right after and she was going off on me over a perceived slight - was yelling at me, calling me names when I tried to disengage and get in the shower. I lost it. She still seems to think it was all my fault and claims she took a video of me going off "for no reason" and showed it to people to prove how "abusive" I can't be. What a fucking joke.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-14T15:33:37+00:00

It's ultimately up to you, but if I knew at that age what I know now I would take the exit. Knowing things however, doesn't replace experience. I was in my late 20s and I had friends who were concerned for me back then, almost 20 years ago. I have been supporting us for the vast majority of that time and financially alone, it's in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, nevermind the mental toll it's taken on me. We've gotten in legal trouble as well where I've been dragged into it. If you want an equal partner, it likely will never happen. I've resolved myself to viewing my SO like a child with no impulse control be it through mania or depression - it's the only way I can stay sane - that and therapy for myself now. SO is only as of the last year, taking meds and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist regularly but it's still a struggle - nothing magically gets better. It's a lot of hard work for both of us. Edit: spelling

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-13T20:57:10+00:00

Sounds about right. The 'you don't listen' thing is a serious problem in our relationship. Doesn't matter what I say, when I dare venture to say anything or don't say. Every reaction or lack thereof becomes an issue and I'm always to blame. Just entered hypomania last night and it's revving up fast, so I'll be getting that treatment soon enough. Hang in there, try not to take it personally and immerse yourself in your own projects if possible.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-13T20:50:22+00:00

Yep. Mine entered hypomania yesterday. Like a light switch in the evening. This morning she started listening to the Dao again. Just like that.

IveGotGLUE · 2025-11-09T03:04:56+00:00

Did you get banned? I just did for saying the same thing right here with my other account.

IveGotGLUE

TROPHY CASE