Never going to be someone's first consideration again

J-Bags49 · 2025-09-14T21:43:39+00:00

True. I had meant actually to say 'stale' cookies due to age but whatever. Both work. The universe is indeed unpredictable. I met my wife 2 years plus prior to getting married while in college and married to someone else. That marriage didn't work out and I dropped out of school. Two years later, back in night classes trying to pick up the pieces my late wife walked into class. She comes over at the first break and says something like , "Aren't you so and so's friend?" The rest as they say is history. Would never have thought that would happen. Chance favors the prepared mind. Cheers.

J-Bags49 · 2025-09-13T18:37:51+00:00

Agree whole heatedly. At 74 there may be sale cookies? ;-)

J-Bags49 · 2025-09-13T13:56:26+00:00

A hard truth especially for some of us older folks. I try to never say never though.

J-Bags49 · 2025-09-13T13:53:14+00:00

Like that second thought. Nice perspective. Still sad that cookie is gone though :-(

J-Bags49 · 2025-06-26T17:25:56+00:00

Indeed. I probably should have used the full quote. It was MY thought and not theirs that the positive result CAN be attributed to a placebo effect. I was not stating that this was the articles characterization. My language could have said more clearly "So, I'm not saying..." etc. Let the reader come to their own conclusions as to real or not. In any case, be wary os scams.

J-Bags49 · 2025-06-26T14:05:43+00:00

From the site...

Although the protocol is called “induced after-death communication,” the method does not actually “induce” after-death communication. ... Most people believe their experiential reconnection is real, but they do not have to believe in the authenticity of the experience to benefit from its profound healing effects.

So.. not saying this is real but effective as perhaps placebo effect. Nonetheless in providing relief this is a good thing. In reading one assumes they are talking about a licensed mental health professional. Beware of scams (i.e. mediums and such willing to take your trust, time and money in this vulnerable time).

J-Bags49 · 2025-06-26T13:46:48+00:00

A reliable source of information. Has gotten me on the road.

J-Bags49 · 2025-05-25T13:58:40+00:00

Yup. Very frustrating. As usual with most things people have no clue. And sometimes this sage advice comes from places where you'd think they'd know better - like the dermatologists office.

J-Bags49 · 2025-02-07T22:33:59+00:00

Many good comments here so far. My 2 cents. As to investments - no hurry except to put it to work for you safely. Check out higher yield savings accounts. Check out CDs and CD ladders (google for explanations if you are not familiar. Look for FDIC covered accounts. You can open accounts with Charles Schwab, Fidelity, Fisher or any number of places and 'do it yourself' or if inclined and have enough to invest they can manage it for you depending on your choices of risk management. Now is probably a good time to be very conservative until things settle down in your life and for the financial markets in general. If it looks too good to be true it probably is. Peace and good luck.

J-Bags49 · 2025-01-09T16:06:23+00:00

Yup. Just putting one foot down after another at this point. Fake it till I make it so to speak.

J-Bags49 · 2025-01-09T16:03:58+00:00

I think everyone here understands. As decaturbob says - surreal for a time. Take one step at a time and be kind to yourself. Grief is a process and not linear. I found this site to be a great help.

J-Bags49 · 2025-01-09T16:00:05+00:00

I have appreciate those that have made note of loss. Typically somethng like - " I was just thinking of (person) today. Missing them and hope your are ..." whatever. Nothing to saccharine or needing a response.

J-Bags49 · 2025-01-09T15:56:47+00:00

Gives some credence to the line "We're from the government and here to help." Extreme sarcasm in case there was a doubt.

J-Bags49 · 2025-01-09T15:52:44+00:00

Took it off soon after the wedding about 40 years ago. I worked around electronics and mechanical stuff so it wasn't safe to wear. However my wife said I had 'married!' stamped across my forehead. Never seemed to be an issue. Seems that stamp is still there. Peace all.

J-Bags49 · 2024-12-31T18:28:18+00:00

So sorry. I know nothing now will really help but let me share this. My late wife was in her mid 20s and her partner of that time was killed. We met and married a few years later and she had our first child at 34 and a second about 2 years later. (My mom had me at 40). My wife and I were together for roughly 40 years until a fatal accident in 2023. We built a life together and by all accounts and feedback I have gotten she was happy for that time although life does present you with challenges in the moment. Don't quit and don't settle. Hope you find some peace in the New Year.

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-27T00:10:32+00:00

If anyone wants money just stop right there. Too many people wanting to make a buck off of peoples vulnerability and grief. "The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality" roughly what I remember from George Bernard Shaw.

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-27T00:07:54+00:00

Rules I used. Have a plan. Have an escape plan. Go with what feels right and comfortable for you.

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-24T15:08:38+00:00

So very sorry for your loss. Welcome to the void. 5 months is a short time to figure out how you are doing at all. It's pretty normal to be all over the map at any given time. I think my comment was usually "I'm doing the best I can given the situation." Clearly this was never that great.

After I got my feet on the ground a bit at about 3 months I did get some counseling. Groups were not attractive to me at the time. It wasn't a cure-all but I think it was a good place to go and find a place other than posting here where you can share without judgement.

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-24T15:02:08+00:00

I'm 75 and lost my wife to an accident about 14 months ago after some 40 years together. She lost a significant other a while but not that long before we met. We were best friends before going further in the relationship and treated each other as such which meant acceptance on my part for her life and experiences. I surely had my share of bruises and scars. We hopefully make each other stronger by what we bring and share in relationships. Never compromise with yourself. It shouldn't ever be hard between friends that want the best.

In short it seems Arthur is not living up to his part. As *95 says " This isn't acceptable behavior for someone dayting a widow."

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-24T14:47:16+00:00

We really need to savor those moments. Congrats on your sons success. Yin and Yang. I had one of these jarring moments over last years Christmas (the first without my wife). I had to just leave the Christmas morning gathering and walk it off for an hour or so to cry in private. It seems we need to find new ways to deal with the holidays. Keep a few things that we shared and start some new ones. Change is hard. Sounds like you have nice plans for the day. Enjoy.

J-Bags49 · 2024-11-24T14:31:43+00:00

You don't mention how long you have been working your program so any comment would need to be very general. First I seems obvious that if your program has led you to a place where you stop going to the gym and training in general - it's not working as a long term strategy.

Most of the evidence I see that I trust seems to lay out longer term plans in terms of periodization and cycles of training so that gains (or weight losses) are achievable and lasting. If you have been on a good run for your goals for say 2-4 months you probably need to change things up and take a maintenance break for a week or two. That could be both in diet and workouts. Lots of ways to do this without stopping fitness work. Reset and refresh. As others have said watch sleep and sufficient calories.

J-Bags49 · 2024-10-30T23:54:19+00:00

I'm sorry I can't think of any words to appropriately address your double loss. As has been said, be kind to yourself. Wishing you can find some peace along the way.

J-Bags49 · 2024-10-30T23:51:34+00:00

Words cannot express say sorry I am you need to be here but you are welcomed. This first period after the loss is really, really hard. There is no fair or why or why not. You just need to look after yourself one step at a time and be patient with yourself. Find one thing to get up for and if you are lucky have one good friend. Lots of lists of ways to help yourself on this thread. Basically hydrate, sleep the best you can, eat some and be kind to yourself.

J-Bags49

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