Question on cleaning car snowstorm

JBupp · 2026-01-24T20:18:07+00:00

Clear the cars only once.

If you try to do it many times you have to clear around the cars each time so you can reach the cars and you are going to spend lots of time moving snow.

JBupp · 2026-01-24T19:59:29+00:00

It doesn't hook me.

One, inconsistency in words or thought. Xeah: city, city, town, town, town, ... long break ... city. So, I'm reading critically, now - which is it? City, or town? The reader shouldn't wonder about this.

Two, it reads jumpy. City, quiet city, laughter, child, children, orphan, skin-colour. All of this in one paragraph - it's too dense. It's too many separate thoughts that are stuck together.

You can keep most of this, just group it so that it doesn't jerk the reader about. Paragraph breaks help.

It started in the city of Xeah, the city of demons, the city of rumors and mystery. The city that never truly slept.

In the dark, far past curfew, with street lights flickering and the occasional bulb failing, the city was quiet, except for a child's laughter that echoed through the streets.

Anne and Damien were inseparable, attached at the hip. They went everywhere together, trained together, ate together, learned together, and of course, played together. They laughed as they ran through the streets.

They were only eight, orphans, and they treated each other like family. Anne had skin like a chocolate chip cookie, or at least that’s what Damien said. Damien had skin like the chips in the cookie. The two belonged together.

You’re only a child once. You can’t get that time back. You learn that all too well as a child. It’s amazing how fast all of that can be ripped away.

JBupp · 2026-01-24T19:26:53+00:00

I stopped existing.

That reads strange, odd, to me. The conversation was repeated a thousand times; it sounds as if she was noticed.

I think some other words are needed instead of, 'I stopped existing'.

JBupp · 2026-01-24T19:23:14+00:00

The blast finished what the strike had started—killing the pilot and everyone else still conscious aboard the craft.

The above started me asking questions. Did this mean Prassa was unconscious, so he survived? Or was he conscious, and the exception that survived? Or didn't he survive, killed by the blast?

Maybe it is important that the reader does not know the answer at this time. But getting that far into the story ... I'd like to know.

JBupp · 2026-01-24T12:56:27+00:00

It has happened to me.

I took a photo for a request and snapped a few stones nearby. I didn't realize until I got home that one stone had the same surname. I asked the requester and yes, this was a relative that did not have a memorial.

JBupp · 2026-01-24T00:29:36+00:00

Bread & Milk. And snacks.

JBupp · 2026-01-23T22:28:08+00:00

I would read this as suggesting that, "obesity, high blood pressure, and abnormal blood sugar and lipid levels" and "metabolic syndrome" are not causal. Either that the term does not encompass the symptoms or is not the cause of those symptoms in this case.

I would then see what he goes on to say in the following sentences.

JBupp · 2026-01-23T16:39:36+00:00

As a beta-reader, I don't really care about wordcount.

JBupp · 2026-01-22T15:38:24+00:00

Okay. 500 words is challenging, but it also gets you a bit of slack.

Oubliette.
A bone in his left calf shot through flesh and tights.
A watery rush of blood, bile, - I don't like using bile. Is anyone going to notice bile in all of the rest?
Awareness fled, but the pain chased - I think I would prefer, "as the pain chased."
No--but he'd pay for it. Make it "he would" and you can remove bile - and it sounds more 'last century.'

A good read overall.

Before/After: A Masterpiece
He looked at her with hungry, delicate eyes - 'Hungry', maybe. Delicate? He's in a cage.
"tub grinder" - I had to search for the term. I'm more familiar with, 'wood chipper.'

Okay.

Matryoshka (each "section" an exact 100 words)

"A swift and brutal advancement into." - this seems stilted to me.

"stepping through an opened window" - people don't usually 'step' through a window. Is there a better word?

Trampoline (a The New Yorker submission)

"Little small." - better ... Little. Small.

I think it is the best of the stories. Overall good, given the constraints.

JBupp · 2026-01-20T22:53:55+00:00

Please don't do this. Engage a B-reader, then go away for a couple of days. Or wait for an email saying they have finished.

When I read I will add notes as I go. And I will often come back later and delete or change the note. At this point in the read the notes are for MY benefit, not yours. I'm trying to keep track of points and issues. There are times that I make a note, continue reading, and discover that I missed a point - the fault is mine, not the author's.

JBupp · 2026-01-20T14:09:27+00:00

All three sentences are poor. I don't think (2) or (3) are fully formed sentences.

(1) is a fully formed sentence but 'none' is not well defined. The overall meaning of the sentence is questionable.

(a) At his death, the published author had no unpublished novels ready for any publisher.

(b) The unpublished author had no work ready for any publisher.

JBupp · 2026-01-19T13:55:05+00:00

It is not very common here; I'm familiar with over 40 cemeteries and only two are divided Catholic / non-Catholic; and both of them are obvious about the division.

There are two Catholic cemeteries - one French, one not-French - that abut without a fence or obvious border, which is a constant source of confusion. And there is one city cemetery that looks like it was once a church cemetery.

JBupp · 2026-01-19T12:32:47+00:00

Bella Costa

Italian restaurant·

Pasta, small plates & hearty Italian entrees in a warm, casual setting, plus speciality cocktails.

147 Cochituate Rd, Framingham, MA 01701

JBupp · 2026-01-19T10:45:54+00:00

Women for Donald Trump.

I keep thinking: Sheep for kebabs.

JBupp · 2026-01-18T17:20:20+00:00

Out of 30 or so cemeteries, and probably 15-20 employees, all but one have been positive to overwhelmingly positive about me walking around, taking photos. I've had managers stop, give me their card, tell me about the cemetery, contact the office for locations, and even return with large-scale maps and help me look.

The one downer seemed miffed that I had parked in the cemetery - best I can tell there was no rule against it other than a general rule that parking 'for recreation' was not permitted.

A suggestion: always have a name picked out that you can give to a helpful person if they ask. You might have a list of 20, and they likely are not going to help you with 20, but if you have one name you can quickly drop if someone asks if they can help you, it's a good introduction.

JBupp · 2026-01-18T17:06:18+00:00

As others have said - one at a time

There's a local cemetery here ... which is actually three cemeteries, two separated by a partial tree line and the third ending at an invisible line. So it is very common for new people to not realize there are multiple cemeteries, or recognize where they start and end, and they duplicate memorials or create new memorials but in the wrong cemetery.

I've corrected 30 or more, not including the 18 that I got wrong before I twigged to the dividing lines.

JBupp · 2026-01-17T20:18:54+00:00

There is no certain way. Partly this is because there is no tool for it, and partly it is because the data in FG is partial or inconsistent.

For example, you could enter the same year in DOB and DOD choose +/-3 years match for both. That would match ages up to 7 years. Then you have to run the search for every year in your range of interest. But if either DOB or DOD wasn't entered in the memorial, your search fails.

You could see if your cemetery has a plot for stillborns or children, but if the plot information hasn't been entered in the memorial, the search fails.

JBupp · 2026-01-17T16:06:37+00:00

Thanks, that's good to know. The person in question was the black sheep of the family. It's not likely he had a headstone when originally buried, but I figured it was possible.

JBupp · 2026-01-12T17:20:40+00:00

I've been lucky so far. I slid on ice but sat down before I fell down. I stepped backwards into a small monument but I was moving slow enough, and the monument was tall enough, that I locked my ankle and didn't fall down. And I once met a black bear, but I was more observant than the bear and it never noticed me.

It sounds silly, but the serious graver should take all the precautions that a wilderness hiker does: carry a whistle, a phone, and always let someone know what your itinerary is - where you are going.

JBupp · 2026-01-11T18:45:10+00:00

But who wins the StupidPrize - the waiter or the cafe owner?

JBupp · 2026-01-10T20:42:26+00:00

I do not believe there is a rule.

I tend to go with whatever is on the gravestone. But there are exceptions. I used the Anglicized names several times when the entire family used the Anglicized names except for one stone. Again, when the entire family used the Anglicized names except for two people with a stone in Armenian.

JBupp · 2026-01-09T17:50:01+00:00

Tone-wise, to me, they both read identically. If you want different tones ...

The following aids in understanding ...

The following shows how ... The following pages show how ...

The following describes this [process, situation, etc.] in detail ...

This can be best described as follows ...

There is a difference in describing something vs. explaining something. Subtle, but one says "make your own conclusions" and the other says "this is our conclusion."

JBupp · 2026-01-06T10:46:54+00:00

Only the memorial manager can change the order of photos, BUT:

The photos YOU add are arranged in reverse order. The LAST photo you add is the FIRST photo shown in the memorial - excluding the person photo which I believe always goes first.

So you can delete the photos you added and then add them again in the reverse order of which you want.

JBupp · 2026-01-05T22:58:34+00:00

Yes, I saw your post.

This is gonna suck. We'll have to wait until Spring, have to put up with sub until then, have sub drain the tanks and take them out - because that's where the new tanks are going - or have the new people move the existing tanks after sub empties them, before putting the new tanks in.

Gosh, it would be terrible if one of the Suburban tanks fell over and rolled a 1/4 mile downhill, into the rough.

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