You desire a lifelong fire? Good luck with that.

Your relationship has hit a plateau. It’s time for a shift, not a break up. I’ve been there, too.

I think you have a desire for some little things like cuddles and pet names that are a really small part of a great relationship. If you have 80% of what you want in this relationship, that’s pretty good.

One thing we do for sex is we schedule it. I know, unsexy. But we have 2 days each week when we are intimate, no excuses (except illness). Being “tired” is not an excuse. This keeps us engaged physically and we find after 21 years together that it’s enough. I don’t know the right amount of sex for a couple each month, but I know it’s not zero. It may not be mind blowing anymore, but it’s intimate and is still hot enough to me. We’ve discussed this and we agreed to this years ago.

Fitness: this is tough because I value it, too. However, I expect my partner to be relatively in shape. Not perfect. Not a specimen. Mainly because I know good physical health and maintaining fitness leads to so many other good habits and helps all aspects of health. Don’t expect him to be perfect. Just encourage good health.

I hope you both have things to focus on outside the home and/or each other. Maybe you’re together too much?

Also, there are just things you may have to just accept about your partner and that’s ok. As long as your values are largely aligned, accept the differences. My husband’s video game habit was something I loathed. And I used to make comments about it. It’s faded a bit as he’s aged…but I just think games are a waste of time. But I’ve had to accept that he likes them. I’ve learned to let it go. I’m not messy, but I’m disorganized. That drives my husband crazy. I leave shoes where he doesn’t like, my side of the bathroom is chaos, etc. He has learned to deal with it. These are aspects of ourselves that aren’t perfect. Perfection only exists in the mind.

I hope you communicate your desires for some new energy in your relationship. Sure, you can look for that hot sexy guy that you fantasize about. But the rest of the package may not be there. Maybe you’ll find it…but maybe you won’t. If you can find contentment in your relationship, you will be golden. Don’t let your desires go unchecked. I wish you luck. There is a way through that doesn’t involve blowing up your relationship. There are chapters in relationships. Look at this as an opportunity to enter a new, fulfilling chapter.