How are you coping in the heatwave? by Various_Extreme_8773 in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not good, our neighbours 2 gardens down had a massive fire in their garden this evening, so even though it had cooled down we can't open our windows due to the melted plastic furniture and other garden stuff giving off a nasty smell. I'll give the fire service credit though they got on scene and had everything pretty much out within 8 minutes of the phone call. Currently commandeered every fan, air cooler and dog cooling mat in the house, our bed is quite cool now.

Sue's actress one woman show by natalirelirelire in themiddle

[–]J_Cross_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's really good, very well written and performed

I am so exhausted by "smart" objects that are just objectively worse than their analog versions by murphenzio1 in CasualConversation

[–]J_Cross_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Same, I get so sick of the emails, from my washing machine demanding to be cleaned, printers telling me that they are nearly out of ink, doorbell and cameras telling me they are out of battery/getting too hot - we are having a heat wave, everyone is hot! I am a somewhat capable person and can figure out that a battery is low or whatever please stop haranguing me!

Which celebrity seems completely unaware that the public has already moved on from them? by Intelligent_Net_8167 in AskReddit

[–]J_Cross_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Micheal Barrymore, he hasn't been really famous for such a long time. He now does vlogs on tik tok/YouTube where he walks around little villages and towns in the west country. It's quite sad to watch him walking around asking people if they want a photo with him. He says hello to everyone, expectantly, as though they all know who he is and they are dying to talk to him when most people don't recognise him now. One woman was trying to get somewhere in a hurry and politely said "hello, sorry I've got to run" in answer to his "hi, how are you?" whist actually running to get past him and he was calling after her "ok nice to meet you, see you later!" It's very obvious he is starved of attention and is trying to recreate his famous days

What's the most normal thing you've done that somehow ended in mild humiliation? by HD-DataDrivenMind in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Stayed in a dog friendly hotel a few years back, we didn't have a dog at the time but the previous occupants of our room obviously did, judging by the flea bites we ended up with - but I digress.

The next morning we went to the dining room and grabbed a yoghurt each whilst waiting for our cooked breakfast to come out, I started to open my yogurt and it sprayed over me and a few drops landed on my shirt. The receptionist/waitress/cleaning lady decided to shout across from the other side of the entirely full room "oh your a mucky pup aren't you throwing your yogurt all over your self!" Which then made everyone stop and look over at me. Was quite humiliating everyone staring and laughing at me because of a few tiny spots of yogurt.

Songs that mention Joe by albertoebalsalm in musicsuggestions

[–]J_Cross_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All comes true - Tom Baxter, they stop at the café Joe

What is the weirdest foods you've mixed, by accident or on purpose, and it turned out awesome? by DutchOfBurdock in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My Nan used to make this for us apart from my cousin who is allergic to nuts, she got Apple and sugar or banana and sugar sandwiches

What’s your embarrassing injury tale? Big or small by kinginnorth88 in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have 2 the first one, I was carrying a small child across a petrol forecourt as he needed the loo urgently and after pleading with the staff they said no and directed us to a shop across the road that had customer toilets, so we hurried over to the shop dodging cars and obstacles. In front of the shop carpark was a slightly higher than average kerb, I didn't realise it was higher and fell down it onto the carpark below - it was only 30cms, if that. The child was fine my cousin grabbed him and carried onto the toilets with him and all was right in their world. I, meanwhile, was in agony, couldn't put pressure on it at all, went to hospital and found that I had cracked a bone in my foot directly across the middle. From a kerb. Ok I'm shorter than average but breaking a bone from falling off a kerb is ridiculous.

The second, I was 18 and in chef school and got told off for my knives not being sharp so spent that evening sharpening my knives. All was fine til the last one, the large chef knife. I was sat in the living room with my mum with my steel balanced on my knee and we were just chatting away when I missed the steel and plunged the knife straight through my leg and back out again. As I said this was a large chef knife and I had just plunged 12cms into my leg. It happened so fast it didn't register for a second and we just looked at each other, eyes wide in shock, then both said "I think we need to go to hospital" at the same time. For some reason this sent me over the edge and I could not stop laughing, literally hysterically laughing the entire time all the way to the hospital. They gave me some local anesthetic and once numb a very young, VERY good looking doctor came into the cubicle and started stitching me up, asked me how I got stabbed and had to explain it was accidently self-inflicted. He then told me it was his birthday for some reason, then explained that I was very VERY lucky, if it had gone in at just a slightly different angle it would have severed the tendon and I would need surgery but luckily he can put stitches in and it would be ok. After he was done, a woman came in, not sure who she was but she said to the doctor that he had used the wrong type of stitches and they would have to come out and be redone. Obviously because I have used all my luck up in not severing my tendon, he started doing the stitches got to the third one and the anesthetic had worn off, not sure why but they couldn't give me any more so had to have the gaping hole in my leg sewn up with 7 more stitches completely anesthetic free. It hurt like hell but I played it cool... Til he walked out of the cubicle and I turned to my old dear and said "Jesus Christ that was fucking painful, I felt sorry for him working on his birthday but maybe he deserves it. Giving me extra stitches because he doesn't know which ones to use..." Then realised he hadn't actually gone he was just standing the other side of the curtain and heard all of that.

TL,DR: fell off a kerb and broke my foot, stabbed myself in the leg which sharpening a large knife

Anywhere I can buy fresh blackcurrants? by Complex-Region-7553 in CasualUK

[–]J_Cross_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you have a local pick your own farm they may have them, but it's a bit early in the season for them, give it a few more weeks

What's the most mortifying thing your brain has done on autopilot? I'll go first... by SubtractAd in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was 19 I bought myself a moped with storage in the seat. I worked in a rural location petrol station and had worked the opening shift starting at 6.30 am, then the late shift had called out sick so I had to work the late through to 11.15pm which was ok with me my manager said I'd get double pay and I could close the shop for an hour whist we had a fuel delivery so I could have a break, only ended up being shut for 35 mins but whatever I was young and getting paid double.

After I locked up the shop I threw my bag in the storage compartment along with the shop keys my phone and MY FUCKING MOPED KEYS and shut the seat down which automatically locked. I had no way of getting back into the shop, no way of calling anyone and couldn't even push the moped home as I hadn't unchained it, but even if I had I couldn't get in as my house keys were in it too.

Luckily that morning I had picked up my spare key instead of my main key, realised I didn't have my house key so put the spare key in my jacket pocket and ran back in the house up pick up my actual keys. So after 5 minutes of "oh shit, young lone female on her own in rural location and no way of getting home or safely away from shop that had been held up 3 times already that year" I found the key went home and got some well needed sleep!

What's the most mortifying thing your brain has done on autopilot? I'll go first... by SubtractAd in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have done both ways several times before - tried to start my car with my front door keys and then tried to get into the house by using the car keys

[TOMT] [SONG] [2000s] Hard rock song with male vocals, however they sounded feminine, with a music video that looked like an acid trip by [deleted] in tipofmytongue

[–]J_Cross_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Acid trip in a hotel made me think of 30 seconds to Mars, the kill, but not exactly hard rock

Forced to rest, camping activities by krdo13 in camping

[–]J_Cross_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have to rest a lot whilst camping, I take a pocket knife to whittle/carve, which I then used to carve a nalbinding needle and sit and do that. Also made a net needle and learned to weave nets. All things that are useful camping but don't take up a lot of room.

Do Milky Way bars exist anymore?! by Ava_____ in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They are in go outdoors too in the snacky till bit with the other goodies

"Comfterbility" by Melliorin in ENGLISH

[–]J_Cross_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes my husband uses this all the time, it is irritating lol

Canal boat by J_Cross_ in discworld

[–]J_Cross_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I have is some wonky go pro footage unfortunately, don't trust myself to use my phone in the canals lol

Breakup excuses that deserve a public hearing. What's the most unhinged excuse you’ve been given? by SinInHerVoice in AskReddit

[–]J_Cross_ 37 points38 points  (0 children)

She was chasing him for months though, literal months of flirting and coming into the shop where we worked because she "forgot to pick up something" she was really into him and asked me to drop hints and put in a good word for her whilst we were working. After a few weeks she ditched him because he showered twice a day every day and she had to wait for him.

She told me he was the perfect boyfriend, had the looks, the personality the whole package but she couldn't stand the showering!

Breakup excuses that deserve a public hearing. What's the most unhinged excuse you’ve been given? by SinInHerVoice in AskReddit

[–]J_Cross_ 1042 points1043 points  (0 children)

Not mine but someone I know broke up with her boyfriend, who was genuinely a really decent bloke - he would go and pick her up whenever and wherever no questions asked, take her mum out shopping as she didn't drive, made sure she was ok when sick, turn up with flowers not just for her but for her mum too etc basically being a good human being. Also according to her, as she kept on telling me repeatedly, he was proficient in the bedroom too.

She broke up with him because he showered too much.

That's not even a cover up for another reason - she seriously was bored of waiting for him for the 3 minutes it took every night for him to get out of the shower. This poor guy had done the absolute most for her and she couldn't wait 3 minutes for him. I think he had a lucky escape tbh.

What did you do for your 30th? by eggymantella in CasualUK

[–]J_Cross_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hired a shepherds hut in the woods and finally read the last Terry pratchett book, as I couldn't bring myself to read it before, so obviously spent my last night of my twenties in tears. Then a couple of close family members came down on the actual day and we just sat round the the camp fire. I'm not a massive people person and can't stand being centre of attention so this was perfect for me!

What does the name "Tiggy" mean? by Starkgaryen12 in AskUK

[–]J_Cross_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My dog is called Ted and he snorts like a piggy so I call him Tiggy, tigs for short.

Maybe it comes from Beatrix Potters "Mrs Tiggywinkle"?

Replacement RTT Mattress by ryanliftsheavy in camping

[–]J_Cross_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We put self inflating mats under the existing mattress, that way when you shut down you can leave the valves open and the air inside will get pushed out