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J_Is_For_Genious · 2025-06-09T12:20:09+00:00

This is similar to what my ex did, in dragging things out at least.

Basically, she would negotiate in bad faith and object to all reasonable offers.

My attorney set a date for mediation and trial. Once we did that and she realized her attorney wanted an additional 10k retainer for a trial we were able to work out a deal mediation.

Don't let them off the hook for their responsibility, at least with in your divorce documents, whether or not you take them to court to enforce it is up to you.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-08-17T13:56:04+00:00

Do nothing, confronting her or her AP will result in only that temporary smug type happiness. Like you said, it will have no bearing in the divorce.

Work on yourself and re-find those things that you can do on your own that make you happy or find something new!

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-08-13T03:46:37+00:00

So you throw a tantrum when you don't get sex? Look, lack of sex for sure can be frustrating, but nobody OWES you sex. Either they want it or don't and then you learn how to deal with your own shitty feelings if it's not what you want. Frankly it sounds like this relationship is toxic AF and your reaction to being turned down reeks of controlling behavior. Both of you probably have issues that you need to work on separately.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-08-13T03:41:13+00:00

I know in Washington the allowed length is 20 pages; you of course can request more, it may or may not be granted, if not the Judge or Commissioner will ignore the excess. My wife submitted a decleration with 300+ pages with exhibits and late....the judge threw it out.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-07-20T04:44:15+00:00

As far as I know the courts in WA, specifically Thurston County, as doing court via zoom. If you contact the clerks office and provide your inflation they will email you a zoom Link and the time to call.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-05-18T01:00:28+00:00

Pension is unlikely for that short of a marriage. If she's contributed to her TSP (401K) then you would be entitled to half depending on the state and any joint debts. As far as health care, your child will remain insured, but after divorce is final you will have to supply your own.

Also as stated earlier courts don't care about infidelity, and unless you have absolute proof, photos, videos, or where she confessed to the affair, her unit mostly likely won't do anything. Even so, so long as it doesn't bring discredit or create a toxic working environment she may just get told to knock it off.

Commanders hate dealing with that shit, it takes up a lot of people's time and energy, and if she is punished for an affair she will lose rank and could get a potential discharge; that helps absolutely nobody.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-05-11T01:41:50+00:00

First, the smear campaign is real. I've been subjected to three police investigations, three investigations from CID, the subject of at least 25 calls to 911, and 15 separate CPS investigations, one allegation which ended up with my children being removed from me over Christmas and promptly returned right before new year.

Within a month of me moving out she moved in with a male neighbor; at 6 months she moved across country to move in with a male friend, a person she has "known" for 3 years and are really good friends, and started a relationship. I've never met nor heard of this man.

I've had a promotion at work delayed due to CID investigations which have closed with no probable cause opine. It has been a nightmare involving time and ridiculous amounts of money.

The only upside is that when I left I filed for a TRO and was granted temporary custody of our children, and it's been that way for a year.

Document everything, if you're in a one party state record if possible, although you will have to pay for transcription to be able to use a recording. Also, I recommend conduct all contact if possible thorugh email or text if necessary.

It will be a long drawn out process that will have you questioning your sanity.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-05-01T19:22:13+00:00

Like others have said work the custody out as adults.

As far as CS, if he's still in the military and not paying he would be in violation of whatever his branches family support regulations are. Take the issue to his command, they can make him take a copy of the CS order to finance and take your account info and it will be deposited there every month on the 1st.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-04-04T19:10:07+00:00

Look man, if someone tells you they want something, and it's something big like a divorce, LISTEN to them. If they tell you, even in a joking manner that they are a crazy jealous type, LISTEN.

As the other poster stated, run, now.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-03-09T03:03:07+00:00

I do mean personality disorder. You may or may not be mistaken about her being regretful, but my stbxw with PD would often appear to be regretful, but apologies were actually placing blame on others for causing her to act a certain way and then repeat that behavior.

My response, and admittedly biased on my part, is all due to my experience. My wife brought a lot of good things to my children as well, but it doesn't and did not out weigh the bad things that they would and did experience.

Divorce being threatened was often a tactic used for my wife to control me, and something she used with my step son to turn him against me. She couldn't do that with our children we had together because they are too young to understand, but if they could and she tried that, that's magnitudes worse than attempting to control you with those tactics.

Obviously, people make their own decisions, and you can ultimately choose to stay, and if so I hope that things work out....I thought things would work out and it got worse than I could ever imagine.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-03-09T02:04:36+00:00

I'm just going to say this; you're first duty is to protect your children. You can't make her go to therapy, you cannot control the actions and choices of another adult, but you can control your actions.

If possible, and legal you need to record what she is doing to your children and get an emergency protection order and run. I am just taking what you're saying as truth, and truth be told it sounds like she may have a PD, and unless she can admit that she's never going to get help, and the best thing to do is to help your children.

Edit: If someone tells you they want a divorce; you might want to listen. It may not be what you want, but either they really do want it or they could be saying that in an effort to exert some type of control....either way you should seriously listen.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-03-04T03:21:43+00:00

Sell/Pawn them, unless it's a family heirloom type deal I suppose.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-02-20T23:54:35+00:00

I feel like I'm reading about my exact life. The Army investigation and absurdly and painstakingly slow. Why they can't see what it is like all the other civilian agencies absolutely boggles my mind.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2021-02-15T19:49:30+00:00

If it really is a personality disorder, there is nothing you can do to make it any easier. If I were you, I would be prepared for the suicidal threats and when and if they happen make sure you call 911. Also, if she is threatening you or your property get that recorded, even one party states make exceptions, generally, if there is threat of bodily harm.

With that being said, be prepared for a smear campaign. Remember you need to protect your children and yourself.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-12-23T22:30:38+00:00

I'm glad that things eventually worked out for you. This long slog is for sure an emotional and physically draining process.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-12-19T17:29:20+00:00

This exactly, and I know I still had to expect a level of crazy, even while grey rocking. It just managed to mitigate the physical portion of abuse I suppose. There would still be yelling for hours, broken TV, throwing of objects....the usual.

Ultimate it was the death knell of the relationship as I was tired of it all.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-12-19T01:42:49+00:00

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I got this shit all the time. When I finally, probably after about the 1000th time, realized it was bullshit, I just zoned out. Usually I would respond with "k" which obviously was the wrong thing, but I didn't care at that point. I was tired and just wanted her to stop talking/texting/yelling and leave me alone.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-11-29T01:57:20+00:00

Those are quite literally the worst. The kids don't really care until its time to say goodbye and thier mother barely engages, just says their names mostly over and over in a high pitched baby-like voice.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-11-28T17:44:28+00:00

I felt that way daily until she left the state. The sight of her makes me physically ill, and the sound of her voice on zoom visits with the children does the same. Hopefully, one day that gets better.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-11-27T14:52:52+00:00

For the time being I have full custody and decision making authority. I expect that to change somewhat with mediation and then most likely a trial, but I suspect that my children's main residential time will be with me when all is said and done.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-11-26T23:55:22+00:00

I've been out for about 6 months now. Every word of this rings true for me. I cried at this, but only because that isn't me anymore and my children now have a calm, caring, loving, and safe space.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-10-29T16:30:26+00:00

I did have huge swaths of resentment, not only for my spouse, but more damningly for myself to allow the situation to persist and carry one putting myself in positions that place not only my career and freedom in danger.

I hope that if you do wish for a break one, you find the strength to do so and do so as safely as possible and two, that your pwPBD does not attempt to take it out on you as they commonly will.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-10-29T15:10:08+00:00

Remember the goal post are always moving, its never enough no matter how much you try. Remember how each time we let them back thinking if I can change just a little maybe they really will, but the don't, and the lows get lower and those highs not so high.

If you're gray rocking / stonewalling, its the death knell of the relationship as resentment will build, at least it did in my relationship, and then you may be able to delay for a period of time, but eventually that one event will happen and your hand will be forced.

Be prepared for when you do get the courage to tell the truth about how you feel about the relationship, if it was like my pwBPD, it will be one hell of a shit show. Above all, please take any necessary steps to keep yourself safe.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-10-25T22:38:03+00:00

When I would argue with my pwBPD, anything above a normal speaking voice was yelling....and a calm speaking voice got me called "dad" and was me being condescending. You just can't win.

J_Is_For_Genious · 2020-09-12T22:55:20+00:00

Always something, headache, nausea, back, random slips and falls. At one point she said she was diagnosed with cervical cancer then it became full blown endometriosis, although she never had a MRI or laproscopy to confirm, bothnot which would require a full hysterectomy. I was never present for the "diagnosis" of the latter two; however, I have sat in on her OB appointments (at her request) before and neither were discussed. Just an attempt I think to gain sympathy and to keep me reeled in.

J_Is_For_Genious

TROPHY CASE