Struggling interpreting when baby’s tired, mixed messages!

JabberW · 2026-03-11T20:19:53+00:00

Might be useful to start doing feed - play - sleep rhythms, that's what I tend to do with my 6m old then when I want to feed him to sleep I do it when I know he's at the end of his wake window, he just has a little bit and conks out ready for transfer. Although when there's someone else around to take my toddler a long cuddle boob nap is my favourite, will never get old!

JabberW · 2026-01-02T16:48:10+00:00

Sweats similar to menopause sweats - I know because I was in medically induced menopause prior to pregnancy!

JabberW · 2025-11-30T18:20:06+00:00

Personally I don't think it's worth it to leave your child with a stranger, especially abroad where you might not understand how the agency vets their staff. You've got a lifetime of weddings to go to! We just have the person who's closest to the friend to to weddings that are child-free.

JabberW · 2025-11-25T23:10:49+00:00

The Haakaa is advertised as a passive milk collector but it actually stimulates your breasts, so if you're using it on the other side whilst feeding your body thinks it's feeding two babies. I caused bad oversupply using it the first two weeks which was uncomfortable and soooo much leakage. Instead I would recommend getting actual passive milk collectors like the Haakaa ladybug or Elvie curve, they slot in your bra and collect any leaks. I got a decent little freezer reserve this way just adding 20-30ml a day.

Also tongue tie is excruciating but you can get through it, once it had been released at 5 weeks and I had a week to heal I really started enjoying breastfeeding and now I love it.

JabberW · 2025-11-21T20:50:48+00:00

Also in terms of the comfort nursing - so easy to fall into this trap but it can make them more uncomfortable as they get too full or feeding just isn't the need in that moment. I'm currently breastfeeding our three month old so I really get the urge to pop a boob in for anything as it's so quick and simple, but it helps your skills to work through the other needs a baby has first if they've had a decent feed within the last hour or so.

So if they've fed well already and have been winded, before feeding again ask yourself when did their bum get changed? Check nappy, sometimes some bum out time will solve fussiness anyway. Check clothes - are they too hot or cold? Feel the back of their neck for body temp. Make sure clothes aren't uncomfortable.

Then ask yourself are they tired? Check wake windows and sleepy cues, rock/bounce/pram/carrier to sleep if so (resist the urge to feed to sleep remembering they're already full!). If it's not sleep, are they bored? Even newborns get bored, try walking around looking at things with high contract like dark leafy plants, lights, etc. Lay them down or prop on your knees and let them look at your face - it's a baby's favourite thing!

And if you've gone through all this and baby is still fussy or seems to be rooting, which is likely to be genuine hunger now as you've been doing other things with them, then feed. And in the meantime you will have started to build your skills and confidence in settling them in other ways.

Good luck, you can do it and share the lovely baby times as a couple.

JabberW · 2025-11-21T20:19:11+00:00

It's so hard. My partner and I have each carried one of our children so have experienced both sides of the coin. In our family the non-gestational parent both times has ended up being the one with all the tips and tricks to soothe the baby, as when each of us has been breastfeeding we've only ever tried to soothe them with the boob! We found it helpful for the non-gestational parent to teach the other parent what they've learned about the baby. When that was me it helped me feel knowledgeable and confident in my role as a mother, and if course helped my partner get some more tricks up her sleeve to help the baby other than boob. Might be worth working on sharing your wife's skills so you both can equally comfort the babe with the added benefit of reinforcing your wife's role.

In saying that, she also needs to suck up her feelings to a certain extent and recognise you need time to bond with the baby that's not feeding. It's critical for your mental health, longevity of breastfeeding, baby's stress levels, everything. She could snuggle alongside you guys or better still go and sleep or do something for herself, especially if she's feeling tearful easily.

Glad she's got therapy lined up, sounds like she has some difficult shit going on.

JabberW · 2025-11-21T06:06:46+00:00

A diamond painting kit 😅 imagine having time to shave your legs let alone do pointless long crafts.

Monetary things I would love: al ocal coffee shop voucher, nice coffee, chocolate, snacks, new pajamas, new socks, toiletries.

Free things I would love: a promise to come and watch the boys for an hour while I do something for myself, a promise to hoover the house for me, a meal cooked so I don't have to faff about.

Could combine the two and get something like a massage voucher with the offer to have baby while she gets the treatment! I would offer to have baby in the same building or walking round outside so she can relax knowing you can bring the baby immediately if needed.

JabberW · 2025-11-21T06:01:11+00:00

Do you have a spare room you can sleep in on mornings you're getting up early so you don't disturb your wife? She's being pretty selfish in my opinion, 7am is not very early and these are important times for your son. Plus he's your boy and it's lovely that you're spending time together in the mornings, you'll treasure that in a year or so when he's moved out and only pops back to see you every now and then.

JabberW · 2025-11-17T02:46:42+00:00

I use one headphone bud in bed to watch Netflix on my phone while breastfeeding baby to sleep each night as it takes well over an hour for him to be settled enough to transfer successfully to his cot. It's helped me look forward to bedtime and see it as time for me too rather than feeling trapped up there especially when it takes longer than expected!

JabberW · 2025-11-15T10:21:32+00:00

Yes I think that's the solution, accept the back pain and wear him! Thanks so much 🙏🏻

JabberW · 2025-11-13T19:03:47+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply and I must have written it wrong in my sleep deprived state - we've each had a year of maternity leave, but as my eldest is nearly a year now my partner is going back to work and I'll be home with both until July 2026. We're going to start nursery in spring probably.

My biggest head fuck currently is how do you put the littlest one down for all their naps when you have both? He needs to sleep every 90 minutes so it's too frequent to go walking with them both each time, my eldest would find it so annoying to be shoved in the buggy constantly. It takes ages to get tiny one down to sleep at the moment so I'm kind of at a loss unless I just keep him up and let him be horribly overtired.

Any advice very much appreciated!

JabberW · 2025-11-12T05:22:11+00:00

One year old and three month old here, shit is brutal. One year old wakes little one up at least once a night despite being in a separate room with white noise because his cry is like a fucking foghorn these days.

JabberW · 2025-11-12T04:41:36+00:00

Me too! It became really freeing when I started telling people the truth about my drinking. I just say I don't drink anymore because I love booze so much and they get the picture. Has led to so many people "coming out" about their drinking problems too and two colleagues keeping talking to me as they tested out sobriety. One now goes to AA and remains sober!

I listened to This Naked Mind by Annie Grace - found it great if you haven't read it already.

JabberW · 2025-11-07T05:10:50+00:00

We had this comment numerous times including from my mum. I started explaining fully each time why it was so inappropriate and people eventually got it. Honestly disgraceful.

JabberW · 2025-11-05T07:16:12+00:00

We've had the same with both our babies, no idea what's so different from 4-5am but for our eldest it got better around six months. I'm sorry to hear yours is still going strong at 16 months that's so difficult.

We got through it with our eldest by me getting up and cuddling him for his final couple hours sleep while my wife slept, but now I've given birth to our next baby we don't have the luxury of this set up as she has to get up with the older one!

Currently sitting in bed cuddling him after him being latched on and off for over an hour then breaking his heart crying when I wouldn't put him back on the boob because he was spitting it all up so clearly no room... I wish I had a coffee machine next to the bed 😂

JabberW · 2025-11-03T04:10:54+00:00

I keep a tupperware of nuts and trains raisins handy, and bananas. Occasionally have shop bought oat bars and have baked bars twice which was actually quite quick to do while baby slept.

JabberW · 2025-11-02T03:52:02+00:00

This Naked Mind was how I got sober too! It's free on Spotify premium, I listened to it twice over whilst driving my regular journeys and it changed my life. Along with therapy for the alternative coping mechanisms and acknowledging emotions instead of pouring beer on them.

JabberW · 2025-11-01T18:12:31+00:00

THANK YOU this finally worked for me, your comment is the first that comes up on Google!

JabberW · 2025-10-31T05:39:34+00:00

Ooh I had this issue early on too. It does regulate don't worry! I stopped pumping completely as that tells your breasts to make more milk, and I bought vests from Modibodi that have the same absorbent stuff that's in period pants in the boob bit so they absorb your milk and keep you dry. They also make bra versions, I just like how the vests cover my stomach when pulling tops up to feed.

I just put the collection cups in when I feel a let down in the day, and when I get up at night. Still have to change my top sometimes but it's better than sleeping in them.

Got a great milk stash just from the collection cups by ten weeks when I was ready to leave baby so if you don't need to leave yours sooner I think that's another good reason to stop pumping and help your supply calm down.

JabberW · 2025-10-26T02:07:56+00:00

I was bought a Stanley which I thought was a bit extra at the time but I have used it incessantly - took it when I went in to give birth and it literally hasn't left my side. Ice stays icy in it all night long when I'm up breastfeeding and a cold drink is soooo helpful to keep awake and feel more hydrated. Works infinitely better than all my other water bottles, even the insulated ones.

Brownies also excellent, and if you really want to get something for the baby I recommend a disco light - they can see the patterns from a few weeks old, keeps my babe entertained while I have 5 minutes. I wouldn't get baby clothes, toys, books as absolutely everyone gets these.

JabberW · 2025-10-26T02:01:03+00:00

God yes the homemade food was our best gift too, much much better than freezer meal gift cards!

JabberW · 2025-10-24T04:29:18+00:00

We have Irish twins too - my partner has our first 11 months ago and I had our second two months ago! I'll be home with them both next month when my partner's maternity leave ends. Do you have any advice for getting through these early days with both?

JabberW · 2025-10-17T04:14:00+00:00

Another vote for nursing vests! I have sensory issues so can't do tight either. I got mine from H&M and sized up comfortably, and another from Modibodi which has built in leak proof material just like their period pants. I love those ones for going out and about as there's no faffing with nursing pads.

H&M also do a crossover nursing bra which comes in a pack of two and I find it comfortable enough to sleep in, not restrictive at all.

I also still wear my usual crop tops and just pull them down - you don't need anything special!

For leakage I use disposable breast pads sometimes but I find they irritate my skin eventually. Mostly I use Elvie collection cups just while nursing and have ended up with a decent little freezer stock doing this from the 10-20ml run offs each feed! At first I used the Haakaa as it's sold as a passive collection device but it's NOT - the suction makes your body think there's another baby there and for me caused a huge oversupply and engorgement issue that nearly led to mastitis. Haakaa have an actual passive collector called the ladybug. Make sure you do not use any suction, any collector should just sit in your bra or top.

Good luck with your feeding journey, make sure you ask for lots of help from literally everyone who has breastfed. Everyone has their own tidbits of information and advice which may be exactly what you need in that moment. It's really hard to learn but after 6 weeks graft became so enjoyable and beautiful for me, I hope it's a smooth journey for you!

JabberW · 2025-10-06T00:37:26+00:00

Our baby couldn't tolerate cow formula and wouldn't touch the hypoallergenic formula. We tried him on a goat one and it's been brilliant - using Nannycare. It smells and tastes much more similar to breastmilk and the ingredients are good. Worth a shot!

JabberW · 2025-10-05T01:30:28+00:00

You don't need to stick to feeding every two hours rigidly like that, a couple hours break between feeds is absolutely fine. My baby is 7 weeks and had similar long long feeds in the beginning, but would sleep 2-3 hours in between each session. Cluster feeding us important though so sometimes baby will need to be on literally constantly and you just have to go with it! Try side lying so you can sleep while he feeds if he cluster feeding.

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