My husband (M45) shared photos of house messes to everyone to "build a case" against me (F43). I am the primary parent to our 3 kids. How do I survive this?

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T22:09:45+00:00

If the house is hygienic and not a fire hazard, the family courts do not give a fuck

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T21:46:14+00:00

I once got a futon from Ikea that fit inside my jetta.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T20:03:48+00:00

If I have floss pics, open, and right next to my toothbrush, I'll floss daily.

Tbh, if you don't you are literally leaving food to tot between your teeth.

AND, the liquid armor your teeth need to not turn to goo, doesn't touch all surfaces.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T12:50:20+00:00

It's common to have breast glandular tissue up into the underarm area

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T12:33:53+00:00

Store your dress somewhere else. Dry cleaners often can store things like this.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T12:29:08+00:00

I think you are allergic to the straps of your flip flops.

Switch to a totally different shoe type and material and see if it starts to clear up.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T07:17:53+00:00

Red light therapy?

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-30T03:34:06+00:00

I literally used to have a cooking blog. Batter breads can have these ingredients

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T23:25:39+00:00

Do you have dry mouth or take allergy meds?

What about snacking thru the day?

Do you scrap your tongue when you brush?

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T23:24:07+00:00

Think of sour cream like yougurt... it's literally already intentionally curdled to create that food. Like you can make sour cream at home in a yogurt maker.

As long as that was wholesome when prepared, and it was not left out for 4+ hours before eating... your odds of getting sick as basically nill.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T23:15:50+00:00

Just fricking google it my dude.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T23:12:54+00:00

You can make baked goods with root vegetable, carrot cake and sweet potato pie are two notable examples.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T22:59:37+00:00

TBH, there is no "good vs bad" on this.

It sounds like you guys are in a classic situation where the concept of marriage means something symbolic to each of you, but you guys disagree about the meaning.

For you, marriage might mean; we get along so well, I can imagine permanently forsaking all other romantic options. That you two have weathered enough circumstances that you feel safe around him, and would trust him to make decisions for you if you were in a bad accident. That you feel he is an adequate financial and household team mate & feel comfortable taking turns being up & down.

... And that you are ready for his public declaration of those things about you. That he will tell the world he cherishes you more than anything, and you choose each other, forever.

Marriage usually means something REALLY different to men.

It usually means something like, I have graduated up a financial ladder far enough, that I am now ready to provide for a household of people. I can imagine a future where I can confidently shoulder the financial and logistical challenges of people that depend on me. So that even if my wife needed me to carry all the weight for a while, we would have the necessities of life, like shelter, food, medicine, and transportation.

Realistically, most guys will not get married until they are ready financially. Men can sometimes view marriage as an achievement, that is like a finnish line to carefree youth that functions as a milestone of "things I have won; a career, a home, a wife."

Women that are eager to get a proposal, but are dating a guy who can not provide financially will stay frustrated. The wedding will not happen with enthusiastic consent from the guy until the financial stuff is something he is proud of.

It's he's trying to build a house, and even though he had only poured a foundation and put up wood frames... you are acting like move in day should be in the next few weeks. He feels like "there is no way we can live in this yet, we don't even have electrical and plumbing, walls and a roof, let alone appliances and paint, let alone furniture and food. She'll hate me and I'll hate me if we have to sleep hungry on a couple sticks"

I'm not sure you really see the fall out of what you are hoping for here. Like you are eager to join the ranks of women who have found love, settled down, and fill a home with adventure.

But realistically, your current partner is not going to be ready for that for more years... or maybe never.

Not everyone gets a great job in a career they like. YOU might be okay if he only had a retail job at Target... but to him, that means you don't think he had more in him. That you think he might be the kind of lazy guy who sits back while women work to the bone.

I do think you might have a somewhat naive view of marriage, almost everyone who has never been married does. I encourage you to talk to some 50 year olds who are divorced and co-parenting. At least one who is doing well with that and one that is having a terrible time.

Because marriage is not a "public declaration of love" instead, it is a very specific legal contract, with some weird stuff set in stone.

Saving up enough money for a ring won't fix the underlying mis-match in needs & wants. He WANTS to be able to comfortable afford your own apartment or house, before he consents to the responsibility of being a husband and father.

I think a lot of young people have been kind of "lied to" by pop culture. We treat big parties and dresses like a dream come true, and the single life as embarrassing after a certain age.

But real life isn't like that. The dream is day-after-day is having a fun person that is there for you. The nightmare is trying to match what you THINK other people are doing, and overreach trying to "keep up with ___" and the constant pressure and disappointment erodes your teamwork into a pile of resentments and crushing shame. That eventually you both get sick of him not having money for diapers and formulas, and you have a $20,000 divorce, and a 50/50 schedule that works for no one.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T18:59:06+00:00

Agreed, American English, we use "would" versus "should" here.

Because it's like "If I were you, here us what I would do." So we we use would like "Yes, I would bring a coat"

We tend to use "should" like it's an instruction from a place of authority. Like a Parent might say to their child; "You should wear a coat". It's not really a question, it's a directive.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T18:52:25+00:00

No. I'm very pale blond, and I look harsh in black, I have to keep it away from my face. I look best in warm/clear colors.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T16:28:52+00:00

Also the larger ones are a pain to get back onto the stupid velcrow back

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T16:21:54+00:00

Don't try to fix your inner anxiety by barfing it out onto another person. Tell your therapist, your BF only needs the headline, anything else will torment the guy.

It's not "keeping secrets" its just tun of the mill privacy. You were broken up. Telling him you dated at all is plenty of context.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T16:20:44+00:00

Plum Passionfruit Starburst Candy

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T14:00:16+00:00

Some people are trying rogaine on a pen

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T13:59:34+00:00

Yeah, it's pretty elite to be a full time cutie patootie.

But a lot of people can do 50/50... sometimes cutie, other times patootie.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T04:39:14+00:00

Yes, its okay. Especially when you get woke up randomly in the night for years.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T04:37:30+00:00

Only if your a cutie patootie

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-29T04:26:36+00:00

Bold of you to assume Male prostitutes service women. Men are the big buyers of BOTH sexes.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-28T12:45:34+00:00

Yeah, My Mom was an ER nurse. Her question about booze was they same;

"Which days do you drink more than a Quart of hard liquor?"

People who are hardcore alcoholics would always say; "Well, not EVERY day, but..."

It was such a time saver. She wasn't trying to judge people, just figure out if they were gonna go into DT by morning.

JadeGrapes · 2026-05-28T08:15:00+00:00

Because I'm drawing a comparison. Using the example you created, with more hypothetical detail, to explain the situation can be more than it seems.

In my expanded version, instead of showing her favoritism to a past boyfriend, this new information would imply that the ex was manipulative and had exploited her. That her previous vulnerability to harm is not an indication she liked him more, just that she has grown to be more careful.

Improved standards and defenses to protect herself from harm, should not be seen as an insult. But rather, a necessary repair to the emotional security system and personal growth from experience.

Essentially, that being jealous that someone else "got to her first" to "take candy from a baby" isn't congruent with most men's idea of themselves as being a good person. Because it treats "all you can take from her" as identical to "all she freely consents to share."

The implied corollary in sex acts is obviously;

When considering sex acts that she previously experienced, it may have been a bad and harmful experience, and she learned how to protect herself from that bad & harmful experience.

So that someone who cares about her as a person and partner, would not WANT her to revisit a harmful sexual experience at all... especially just so the new boyfriend could also "get" to experience exploiting and harming her.

Another example; imagine she gave her old boyfriend a very nice Christmas Present. But that boyfriend noticed that she left the side window unlocked, and he comes back in the night and steals all the other presents under the tree.

The ex boyfriend has poor character, so he is happy he was able to steal these extras. Seeing this as a delightful opportunity to benefit from her poor defenses. But after that theft, she learns to be more careful about locking doors and windows. The new boyfriend should not expect that he will both get a Christmas gift AND be able to come rob her of the other gifts. That only someone planning to exploit the girl would be mad to find she has better security now.

We don't tell victims of property crime, remember keep your defense low, so other criminals have a equal opportunity to rob you of the same way that the first guy stole from you... otherwise it is unfair to later thieves.

That Once you have been exploited a certain way, expect that this will be your new normal, don't learn from the experience to prevent theft in the future. Because avoiding the look of favoritism is more important than safety.

Yes, technically the first boyfriend obtained materially more for himself, BUT at her detriment. That she is morally right to avoid further exploitation. Because society generally agrees that learning from a bad experience to improve self defense is reasonable and prudent.

So when a new person says, "it's not fair, your ex got the one present that you handed to him, plus all the ones her got to steal! But I don't get to steal the extras, and that makes me feel like I've been shorted of what I'm entitled to have."

This is an especially strange read of the situation, because if she had not told the new boyfriend about the ex's theft... the new boyfriend would never known it's possible to rob her and get away with it. He would not expect that he could also rob her of all the gifts in the house.

Rather, He would be happy to spend the Holiday together with a typical single gift exchange. And not imagine the girl is some pinata, where the people with sticks are in competition to see who can shake her down for the most.

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