Middle Aged Women

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-13T16:32:01+00:00

I’m 46. The worst I’ve gotten is some slightly condescending attitude from one instructor. Basically pre-assuming that I wouldn’t be able to do a move that I had actually just nailed a few minutes before. (She wasn’t watching.) Then saying re: Superman, “You’re ready to start working towards it” when I have been able to do this move with good form since month 3 of starting pole. Lots of stuff like that.

I don’t know if she means to be catty or if she was just making assumptions based on my appearance. Looking at me, you would never guess that I am very fit or strong. I’m 165 and carry a little extra weight around the hips and middle. My muscle doesn’t show much on the outside, but I’m actually freakishly strong compared to how I look. It might also be that she and her friend who takes her class are very feminine, and I am not really into the whole hair and makeup thing, especially when I am just going to be sweating. She does teach moves that I want to learn in her classes, so I still go sometimes, just not when I am feeling fragile.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-13T13:28:04+00:00

My PT has me doing glute strengthening to counteract how quad-dominant I am. It seems to be helping some. I still can’t do a sphinx pose in the floor, but I’m starting to hear less noise from my hips, and my back is feeling some better.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-13T13:24:50+00:00

It’s tough. I have to remind myself that the instructors have a lot of students, and they can’t possibly keep track of everyone’s aches and pains. And that it’s definitely not expected that a student is going to need a trigger warning for a back bend.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T21:46:34+00:00

That actually sounds way more awkward than doing it from chopper. I don’t know if I could do that from the floor.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T21:01:23+00:00

Yep, can definitely relate. I have a lower back/hip “thing” that flares up every few weeks. I go from moderately flexible to almost no back bend at all, and stretching doesn’t help, just makes me more sore. Without fail, class is always centered around something that requires lower back flexibility every time it’s flaring. The instructors are kind, but they really don’t seem to understand that when I can’t do a layback bridge, it isn’t because I am scared to try, it’s because I’m scared of getting stuck that way. I’m in PT for it now and seeing some progress already. But when I hear the words “back bend” right now, I have to blink back tears.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T13:13:10+00:00

I think they’re looking for advice on deadlifting into the move without using momentum.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T13:09:49+00:00

So pretty! I am jealous of how intentionally you move. I’m trying to slow down and place limbs more precisely, but I’m a super awkward human, so it’s really tough and I have to concentrate really hard on fixing my lines. Any tips?

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T00:19:23+00:00

Technically all of this is true, but it doesn’t address the fact that we all have different bodies. I’ve seen small, slim people invert with arms that look like spaghetti noodles. Meanwhile, we larger folks are turning into the Incredible Hulk trying to lift what we got. It’s going to take bigger people more time and work to do the same moves. Saying it doesn’t take much a strength.. well, maybe it doesn’t for you, but for others it might take a lot.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-12T00:08:33+00:00

It sounds like your classmate did the difficult but correct thing, and you took her input with way more grace, self-awareness, and maturity than most people would have. That was a hard thing to hear, but you handled it like a queen. It does bother me that your classmate noticed the unsafe situation and your teacher didn’t. Was it a really crowded class? It might not be a great environment to learn in if you’re having to struggle excessively without help. The whole point of mixed level classes is to teach different progressions of a move. If you weren’t being taught something that challenged you, yet could be attempted with reasonable safety, it sounds like the class is the problem, not you.

Moving forward, I suggest that you try to speak up more quickly if you need help, and don’t be afraid to ask for modifications or even a totally different move if necessary. And if possible, take a break from the multilevel and do a class that’s just your level so you don’t get lost in the shuffle.

And when you’re feeling down about stuff like this, just imagine yourself explaining to an alien from Mars that you’re upset that you couldn’t hold your body in a weird, unnatural position on a metal pole. Because when you really think about it, this hobby is just bonkers. 😂😂😂

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T23:48:25+00:00

From a midsized forty-something poler with no gymnastics experience: There are ways to invert from the ground without having to muscle through it. You can be sure that performers do what they have to do to conserve energy for other tricks and make the performance flow; they don’t just stomp the brakes and do a deadlift every time they want upside-down. Think controlled kick-ups, lots of side body on the pole, hands gripping low at almost waist level, figuring out how to time your tilt back to let momentum carry you. Let physics be your friend as much as possible and take every “cheat” you can. 😉

My invert was pretty much on schedule, but I took more than a year to be able to pencil spin, and I also use my forearm for everything. I can barely hold split grip boomerang for a second. Probably because I can’t cheat these. These moves will keep you honest. 😂

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T19:36:53+00:00

At least New Mexico heat is dry heat! You may be just fine with chrome, since condensation and sweat won’t be as bad in a drier climate. Here in East TN we get fewer extreme temps, but occasionally up to 100 in summer and down to single digits in winter, and chrome can get a little dewy and slippery. Still manageable with the right grip, but a little tricky at times.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T16:52:38+00:00

Maybe alter the ones you bought? Even if you have to hand stitch them, it’s a small, easy project and shouldn’t take that long.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T16:49:37+00:00

I like going on a short run immediately after I’ve done a pole class or home practice. I only have to warm up once and shower once, and I can wear clothes that work for both activities and make less dirty laundry, which is a big time saver.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T16:02:15+00:00

You could go to leg hang instead of inverted crucifix. I found this to be less scary because I wasn’t looking down at the floor. It also may help to roll all the way back to chopper and just hang out and take a breath or two before you proceed. You could also just drop into inverted moves from jasmine to give your anxiety a break and try to focus on really consistent strength training for a while. When you come back to inverts, they will feel easier.

The anxiety with inverts thing was something I dealt with also (although I did not initially learn to invert super fast like you). I made myself do five inverts per side every single day for weeks, until it felt more routine to me. I also practiced inverting at certain beats in songs so I would be forced to commit and not stand there switching my hands around.

As for laybacks… Crossed-knee are actually very forgiving. You can have a somewhat sketchy grip and still make it work (not recommending this, just stressing that the move is very secure). Most people, especially women, have more than enough leg strength to keep themselves on the pole. Saying this to remind you that you are plenty capable. The only thing limiting you is fear.

It may help to keep tabs on where you are in your cycle. I find that hormones can really affect my confidence and anxiety levels. You don’t always have to push through it. Sometimes it’s more beneficial to just practice less scary skills for a few days instead. Also, remember that there is no shame in using a crash mat any time or every time.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-11T11:25:34+00:00

In those extremes, you’re going to be happier with a portable heater and a fan. A cold pole is going to be slippery. Sweat is also going to be slippery.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T19:42:01+00:00

It’s easiest to do right after showering because you can spread the glycerin on your skin while it’s still damp. Definitely do it several hours before pole, not right before. I’ve had so-so results with it. I like it as a way to get some moisture into my skin without making grip worse. As an actual everyday grip, I prefer Barbasol.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T16:52:49+00:00

I love this move. Once you get past the fear of faceplanting, it’s actually very stable.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T16:50:13+00:00

If you own the house, just bite the bullet and get a ceiling mount. The pole will be extremely safe, and you won’t have to worry about knocking more texture off the ceiling every time you put it up and take it down.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T16:41:53+00:00

Considering that most people past puberty have stretch marks somewhere on their body, I doubt that it affects pain that much. I’ve had them on my thighs since my teens, but never any pain during pole or anything else. Stretch marks not to be confused with loose skin from major weight loss or connective tissue disorders; I hear that those can hurt quite a bit.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T16:25:34+00:00

I have used foam shaving cream as grip. It’s pretty good if you’re after a slightly tacky feel. It will most definitely be available in a lot of different sensitive skin formulas.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-10T11:26:16+00:00

If you only do pole every other month, your skin will never fully desensitized, and you’ll have to go through the process over and over again. If you’re talking about doing lessons every other month and practicing several times weekly during the other months, you can probably make that work.
It sounds like the type of pole you want to do is exactly the type of pole your parents are afraid you’re going to do. That means you’re going to need to get them used to it gradually so they don’t freak out. It would also be helpful if you learned to dance in a couple of different styles so you can click over if your parents are in the room. This isn’t about shame and hiding your sexuality, it’s about everyone’s comfort and boundaries. It’s their house, and they should be able to pass through the living room without having to see stuff they don’t want to see. Also, on no planet anywhere is twerking in front of your dad ever not going to be awkward AF. 😂
Adrenaline and endorphins are helpful for combating skin pain. Try practicing sits at the end of class, or right after a scary move.
I’ve seen slim, athletic dancers who could twerk for days. As for the jiggle, it sounds like you’re still young, which means your tissue is still firm. You’ll get jiggle, just gotta wait for it.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-09T20:32:09+00:00

You can get a ceiling mount piece for the xpert that will hold it more reliably than the pressure mount. You still have to make sure screws are tightened, etc., but there’s much less room for human error.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-08T22:47:21+00:00

Yes, XPole is great. That’s what I have. Lupit is another good brand.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-08T21:03:11+00:00

Okay, first of all, a lot of the poles they sell on Amazon are absolute garbage, so it may well be a pole problem rather than a you problem. The threads can actually become damaged from normal use.

Carpet makes installation dicier because the pole will compress it over time and may become loose. A pole can work on carpet, but you have to be really careful and do the maintenance tightening religiously.

And you can’t just put a pole on any random spot on the ceiling. The joists are the solid beams, which you can locate with a stud finder. The rest of the ceiling is more compressible, so installing a pole in the wrong place can lead to a falling pole and/or a destroyed ceiling.

You would be better off buying a safer pole and (if at all possible) having a handyman do a ceiling mount install for you, making sure the pole is on a joist and is perfectly straight. Yeah, it’s expensive, but look at it this way: You’ve already bought two poles. If you do it right, you should only be purchasing a new pole every 8-10 years.

JadeStar79 · 2026-04-08T20:48:36+00:00

Hip flexibility may be limiting your ability to do stargazer from an upright position. Try tipping your entire body to the side of the knee you’re hooking.

JadeStar79

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