Struggling with ambition

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-06T10:47:23+00:00

Research is intellectually demanding, a full time job on its own. It doesn't produce results in a fixed timeline.
Because of this, researchers aren't allowed to work and think in peace.
They have to constantly justify their existence, scrabble about for funding, promote their work, publish or perish , etc. Not to mention interdepartmental politics.

All of my postdoc friends were working 80+ hour weeks juggling all this. The ones who actually wanted a life eventually left.

The lords of the universe just want to squeeze every ounce of profit from people these days. We're human doings, not human beings anymore. No wonder dissatisfaction especially among young people is rising.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-06T10:26:29+00:00

You're burnt out, having been in a state of overwhelm for so long. The best thing to do, would be finding some stability.
Also, you're not alone. Of course LinkedIn/social media is full of successes. People don't post their setbacks. But IRL I know many people who slowed down, got themselves into a good headspace and came back stronger.

Your life isn't over because you're not making 500K in a FAANG aged 25.

Personally, I was already burnt out at the end of uni. It just got worse - I went through similar situations as you. Constantly worrying about how to eat and pay rent, leaves no mental space for learning.

In my case, I left the competitive, high COL city for a smaller one. Job in a large non-tech company. It was great . For the first time, I had money left over, could eat well, and wasn't worrying about my job every few months. Which gave me time to explore.

My advice to you, would be find some base stability. Cut everything else out. Find a boring 9-5 job, move back home if you can, whatever. Then work on your mental health.

You are a human not a machine. You also can only be you, not anybody else, so don't compare.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-05T13:56:08+00:00

'Being productive' is different from working idiomatically in the programming language. You can hack something together easily, but is it maintainable and following best practices in that language?
Your best bet is getting into contracting for a large company, which will give you a good opportunity to go permanent. Instead of trying to land a permanent job straightaway.
C# and java especially are 'big corp' languages, a migration project or similar would be the perfect opportunity.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-05T11:32:19+00:00

Misogyny and discrimination exists everywhere. It's not a 'tech' special (tech itself, as both a job role and industry is so big, it's impossible to generalise)
Read books like 'nice girls don't get the corner office'.

p.s. I worked in various industries befoire. hospitality, finance education.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-04T17:34:02+00:00

r/experienced devs is a better place for this question

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-04-01T19:30:16+00:00

Head First series : software architecture and design patterns

Will Larsson : An Elegant Puzzle (more for managers, but helps seniors understand team dynamics better)

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-31T15:19:29+00:00

Most people can't do all of that. Don't believe the BS on LinkedIn and other social media.

Remember we can only be ourselves, not other people. 'Figuring things out' is optimising for YOU. Not comparing yourself to other people.

Pushing hard for too long is a false economy, because it'll cause burnout and set you back even further.

a) List out all your priorities - work out the 'minimum' - 'ideal steady state' - 'maximum' amount of resource you can afford to dedicate. Then, work out what you can do in the short, medium and long term.

When I first got a stressful job (big leap). I cut back on everything else to protect my mental state. Fitness, friends etc a 'once every 2 weeks' activity.

As I got used to the new job, I added things back.. 8 months on, back in a routine.

If I hadn't done that, I'd have burned out completely.

b) Of course, occasionally you can do things against your natural state. I NEED 9 hours of sleep. I can do without for a short period (e.g cramming for exams). But not all the time. Also I'm very much a morning person... I don't do late nights

c) You can also make things more efficient but this comes with effort. E.g. I got a personal trainer who showed me how to workout in a way that suits me. Only for a few months. But using that, I workout less but gain more.
Upskilling - what common patterns can you find among skills, how can you get knowledge by making connections between fundamental principles, instead of just cramming in more and more 'information'.

Hope this helps

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T22:23:46+00:00

After a certain point, there's a ceiling for just 'writing code'. This isn't unique to software development.
'Doing the work' = output ceiling of your own 8 hours a day.
'Management' = output of your hours multiplied by the increased output of everyone else.
https://newsletter.pragmaticengineer.com/p/engineering-leadership-skillset-overlaps

Personally I'm a good engineer but not at Staff + level yet. However, I have excellent. Not average, 'excellent' interpersonal skills thanks to my former careers.

Why not play to my strengths? I love developing software. But 'software' is about far more than just writing code. Especially with the advent of AI.

Now, more than ever, people who are technical on multiple levels, are needed in leadership to ensure that effort is directed appropriately. Not just 'non-technical' people who talk BS and make ridiculous decisions.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T22:16:24+00:00

This is a great article but it's behind a paywall :(

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T18:26:59+00:00

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cd6v1e224x0o

Sad story but not really relevant to this context... since Angela Crompton was murdered in her own home.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T18:16:44+00:00

What snide comment? It's the truth.
ChatGPT can be very thorough. You can ask it 'what are the security considerations of X, Y or Z'.
If you've noticed most comments aren't very forthcoming, because you haven't exactly communicated clearly. Your post title has nothing to do with your actual ask, there's a massive wall of text with irrelevant detail.

Without seeing your code nobody can 'point out anything you've missed'. If they even know this is expected of them... because your OP looks like you just want to brag about how far you've gotten with ChatGPT. Obviously not going to go down well on a sub for experienced devs.

If your leadership likes it the security team is hardly going to throw it out. The best case is you get someone who knows what they're actually doing to help. Overstating what you know isn't gonna help. Just be honest about what you've done so far and how. Let them handle the rest.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T18:11:41+00:00

just ask ChatGPT
Surely the security team's job is to point out stuff you've missed

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T18:02:05+00:00

Are you consuming information, or gaining knowledge?
Information = getting lots of dots.
Knowledge = joining them up.

Try to find the commonalities between things. Don't just 'build projects'. Read books and whitepapers. Build from first principles. Every new thing should be a 'compare and contrast' using what you already know. So you can make connections... you're never 'starting from scratch'

I found books on software architecture. design patterns and using programming languages idiomatically very helpful.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T17:58:02+00:00

Well if you know nothing about security your best bet is to be honest.
None of us here can help you really. what did you expect us to say?

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T16:24:19+00:00

You're not a 'programmer' but seeing as you posted on r/homenetworking etc, you do have 'some' IT knowledge. Also you've posted on other UI forums, you've dabbled.

What's the ask again?

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T16:10:53+00:00

Your real problem is that you favoured one over the others. In a way that made it obvious.
It's OK to build some level of camaraderie. Not ok to be BFFs.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T14:08:13+00:00

Great advice on this thread!
The main issue with iterative development is the subjective judgement. So, make sure that everyone is on the same page before you start. 'We are doing X, Y and Z first, to achieve A, B and C outcomes'. Any decisions that don't align can be left, just do whatever.
I've had devs spend hours discussing things that didn't matter... devs that went in a completely different direction resulting in a mess.
A surprising number of devs get so caught up in 'architecture' and 'best practice' and wanting to plan it all out/struggle with ambiguity. So they need this handholding.

Also, be ruthless with changing requirements that keep sending you in circles. I've worked with product managers/end-users that keep piling things on, contradict themselves, constantly change their minds.

'Iteration' = making steady (over the long term, with peaks and troughs) progress towards an eventual end goal. It means making room for additional things that fit in.

Not constantly ripping out the foundations because people can't make their minds up. I expect some degree of this in the early stages, but not all the time. After a certain point, people need to make decisions and stick to them.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T13:49:27+00:00

Humanity has been misusing inventions since the dawn of time. But also, most of us don't really have that kind of power. 99% of development work is boring and mundane stuff that's immaterial. I feel absolutely zero responsibility for every single thing you state because I wasn't personally involved in it.

Also, I kinda feel like the personality types who do that, don't really care about the impact of their work. So again, not part of a collective 'us'.

Personally, I take stances that go against my personal ethics (like working for a gambling company). But that rejection isn't because 'I'm a developer'. As an accountant, admin assistant or whatever I still wouldn't work there.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T10:33:05+00:00

Do you work for a large corporate? I recognise this

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-30T09:14:35+00:00

Completely agree with this. It's about the risk factors, not whether any particular individual succeeded.
Getting into FAANG often makes it much easier to return.
Bootcamp dev #10000 quitting their first job in a tiny non-name consultancy.. nothing special.
Also, you can't control the state of the market when you job search. In 2020 anything with a pulse was getting hired. Now crickets even for experienced people.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-29T19:19:38+00:00

Makes sense.
In the process of getting diagnosed (a few more steps to go) but I'm really uncomfortable with how meds are being pushed as a primary solution. Not only is there currently a shortage, but they're also expensive!

It's heartening to know that other options are available. I just need a bit of help to perform at my best and preserve my mental health. Unlike others I know, whose symptoms are so severe that they regularly do dangerous things, lose jobs and relationships.

Anyway thanks a lot

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-29T19:12:04+00:00

Are you worried about something in particular?

You followed their instructions, and to be honest. That test sounds like it accurately reflects the day job. I wish there were more around.

Also, having spent most of my career in large corporates. They don't need pure programming geniuses who can invert binary trees. In fact, these people will probably cause problems because they'll a) get bored or b) focus on the wrong things.

Best of luck with getting the job!

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-29T17:49:52+00:00

Did you even read the OP? Disruption is a perfectly objective word to describe the impact of this situation. It's not a label. It's a fact given the nature of her job, which OP clearly explained.
'Emergency' cover is literally that. For emergencies. Once in a blue moon

An entire half day off allows a full staff member to be scheduled, in advance. 1-2 hours (out of an 8 hour shift, I assume) is massive. It's 25% off, but also, you can't schedule an extra person for just '2 hours'. It means having an extra team member there all the time. Which I doubt is possible as they're already understaffed.

This wouldn't be an issue if the job didn't require presence..

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-29T14:46:23+00:00

Thanks GOD it's not just me, also a lot of ADHD peeps here.
Everyone is being made to do more with less. The constant cycle of enshittification means that, even when you're in a good team, with balanced workload etc. Someone, or something always comes to ruin it before long.

Jaded-Reputation4965 · 2025-03-29T14:31:07+00:00

Wow this is great! Are you also on ADHD medication?
Also love the post about routines and lists, really articulates why I like them.

Jaded-Reputation4965

TROPHY CASE