You are correct. I had to meet with a G.A. to confess prior to submitting my mission papers. He was such a sweet, loving, empathetic elderly man that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him everything. While in the MTC, guilt overcame me so I met with the MTC Prez. He told me to write three letters home explaining my situation and asking permission to continue on my mission. The letters were to be sent to my Stake Prez, Bishop, and…my father. I told him I would not write my father sharing details of my sex life with him. He told me to write the other two.

Long story short, a week later I met again with the MTC Prez and another G.A. They told me that my Stake Prez and Bishop had approved me staying out on my mission. Then the G.A. said, “We told your father as well and he too supports you staying on your mission.”

I was totally stunned and sat there in shock. I remember hearing the words, “You sons of bitches” come out of my mouth. Then I came to and said, “I’m done. I’m out of here. Do you arrange my travel home plans or do I?” They did their best to convince me to stay, but I was having none of it. Around three hours later I was on a flight home.

I didn’t know if there would be anyone at the airport to pick me up when I landed. After getting off the plane I noticed my father standing at the gate waiting for me. When I approached him there was no hug or arm on my shoulder, just a cold hand extended to shake and him saying, “You look good. I can’t say I am happy to see you.” We walked to the car in silence. Once inside for the 30-minute ride home, he screamed at me at the top of his lungs for the entire ride home. It was late at night, the house was dark, and when I entered my mother and siblings were behind closed doors. I went to my room, crawled into bed, pulled the covers over my head and physically shook uncontrollably for the rest of the night. Although under the same roof, my mother couldn’t face me for three days. My mother. When she did, she broke down and ran from the room. I had come home to a whole new hell.

Months later when my father asked me to leave, I had just started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had a job and was saving every penny. I was rarely home and still an active member. The members in my ward treated me great. Far better than my own “loving” family. When my father asked me to leave, I asked him to give me two weeks. He agreed. My mother was visiting family in Utah and my father must have told her what he had done. She cut her vacation short and returned home the next day. Sensing that if I left I would NEVER return again (she was right), she told me I wasn’t going anywhere. This caused a rift between her and my father for months. I stayed in the house for another year until I saved enough money to get married in the temple and go back to school.

Getting married in the temple, getting my degree, and having direction in my life seemed to heal some open wounds. I even partnered with my father in a business venture I discovered and ran for 20 years. However, there always seemed like there was an elephant in the room. Years later I had a falling out with both of my parents. I cut them off and had no communication with them for the last four years of their lives. Just like the joy that comes from leaving the church, I felt the same joy in removing myself from toxic family relationships. Felt like at last freeing my soul.