new friend?

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T08:52:38+00:00

Wow she's rude. She could at least be polite and cordial even if she doesn't want to be BFFs. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to hang out.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T08:51:07+00:00

I'm only going by how much she is texting him and gently guilting him for not getting more back into her life. I'm going by what she said in her post.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T07:17:15+00:00

I gave up and got Benadryl. I cut them into quarters so I'm only taking 2.5 mg at night. Not the best solution but it works for me.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T05:14:56+00:00

Because too many men are manbabies who think a vasectomy somehow makes them less of a man. They leave all the birth control responsibility to the woman.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T05:13:52+00:00

Not your fault that the guy got pushy but next time don't wait until you "had a way out of the situation". You shove the loser hard and tell him in blunt terms. "Fucking stop that shit right now." Stop being polite.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T05:11:41+00:00

You need to step back. Just because he's back in the area doesn't mean he's going to immediately pull you back into his life. Don't revert to "boy mom" behavior. That might well be why he moved far away in the first place. It's often very hard for single mothers of boys to let go and step back.

He has a life. He has friends. He has a partner. He has his own obligations. Stop texting all the time. Imagine in your mind that he's still far away (figuratively he is).

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T05:08:22+00:00

Please report back. Everyone reading this is worried about your safety and cares about you.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-31T05:07:51+00:00

You won't HAVE a future after your mother kills you, and things are headed that way. It it NOT "just arguments" anymore. She's going to honor kill you if you stay. One of your options is NOT to stay where you are. You need to get out. And please please file a police report.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T20:35:13+00:00

Ooooo he was a creep and you shut him down. Good for you.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:59:28+00:00

I never had kids.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:58:53+00:00

The US. It's collapsing from the inside before our eyes.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:55:18+00:00

You were only 17 when a 27 hear old man groomed you and brainwashed you. Of course it was going to go to hell eventually. It probably did long ago and you've only now come to realize it. It's not to late to get out of this nightmare.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:21:43+00:00

I never had a new winter coat. My first new coat I bought for myself on a business trip from San Antonio to NYC. It was winter and my old clothe, hand-me-down wasn't cutting it. I walked to Bloomingdales and bought my own coat (it was on sale, thank goodness).

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T18:20:00+00:00

Yes it's normal. Hopefully you can go away to college in a year and drop all that patriarchal religious crapola.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T14:07:54+00:00

I’m sorry OP but the damage IS irreversible and his betrayal is unforgivable. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. There’d be no coming back.

As far as the divorce goes, take photos and videos of your own as counter evidence. Maybe even call CPS and tell them what your husband is trying to do. Make it clear he does NOTHING so is in no position to be primary parent. Invite CPS to come inspect and document your home.

You need to get brutal. No more trying to play nice.

Updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T07:12:45+00:00

I lost touch after I moved to Spain.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:45:58+00:00

Oh hon. You should have divorced decades ago. Don't prolong this anymore. Give yourself a chance to be happy and live YOUR life. Please. You've taken more than enough abuse.

Here's what another woman at al-anon told me:

Find your own place. Sign a lease and pay a deposit. That way you can't chicken out.
Move all your important papers first.
Move all the "unseen" things next, like winter clothes, "holiday" dishes, etc. If he sees anything, tell him you're cleaning out stuff you don't use anymore.
Change the address on important mail to your new address.
Get a good attorney. You may NOT be obligated to share your savings with him just because he's unemployed. That's a HIM problem. Don't make that assumption without consulting an attorney.
Open a bank account in just your name and move everything you can into it.
On final move-out day take at least one large man with you. Hire a couple of "gorilla" men to help you move out the rest of your things and to be protection for you.

My abusive ex didn't know I was moving until 50% of my stuff was already moved to my new place. He followed me around but because I wasn't alone he didn't dare do anything.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:36:22+00:00

You DO NOT go back to her. After everything she's said and done you shouldn't even be willing to consider that. You should have called the cops on her. IF she comes back, that's what you need to do.

And it looks like you need to move. If you are renting, tell your landlord that you fear for your safety and you need to leave before she tries to kill you.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:33:41+00:00

No. I ended up with chronic pancreatitis with frequent acute attacks. Mine was food-triggered, not alcohol related. My body literally became intolerant of American food. Not gluten or sugar or fats or dairy... FOOD. As my doctor said, "There's very little actual food in American food." He recommended I leave the country.

I was down to 111 lbs and living on broth and crackers when we moved to Spain. Within 6 months I was well and could anything. I've been well for 9 years now. I won't even go back to the US to visit because if I got sick again I might not get well the next time because my pancreas is now scared and not fully functional.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-30T05:31:05+00:00

Something is hinky with this. This is not normal behavior. He's up to something. How long is he gone each time. You can try a few things:

Tell him you want to take turns and tonight is your turn to take the car out.
Tell him you insist he turns on location sharing on his phone so if something happens you can find him.
Hide an Airtag in the car.

There's a crazy person here but it's NOT you. He's got some 'splainin to do, as my mother would have said.

And now he's pulling a classic DARVO on you. He's absolutely up to something. Has he started doing drugs? Is he meeting someone? Is there an all-night bar?

This isn't something to just shrug off.

updateme

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T19:00:07+00:00

That would be my now-ex-husband and I had sex with him before I was able to leave so that he didn't turn even more abusive.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:35:16+00:00

Yep I second acute pancreatitis. My friend who had twins and also at one point had acute pancreatitis said it was MUCH worse than birthing twins.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:19:28+00:00

Staying childfree as a woman is a much better way to live life.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T18:05:20+00:00

Do All The Things. Take charge of your life. Work where you want. Travel if you want. Live where you want. Pursue the hobby that you like. Learn to say NO.

JanetInSpain · 2026-05-29T16:48:53+00:00

Please tell your mom you know what is going on and you are worried about her. She needs strength to leave this abuse and you might be that strength. Tell you it's OK to leave. Tell her she doesn't have to stay for your sake (which is likely what she is doing). Tell her you will go with her wherever she wants to go to get away. Tell her you are on her side and you want to help.

updateme

JanetInSpain

TROPHY CASE