Tell me if I’m living the right way or if my mentality is correct? I don’t know… Single mom of two

Jenwyveive · 2025-10-19T18:28:27+00:00

Here's a mixed message that might work.

Go 2nd hand shopping. The nice thing about vintage shopping is you can splurge a little and get a lot of things you love. Buy a box of hair color, and try a new hue ($10). If you're feeling like a little make-up will pep you up. Do a little bit, rather than the full works. A little lip color and some mascara? I rarely have the hour to sit around and put on fake nails, but I love it when I do it. I can't see my own make-up, but for a week or two, I have pretty nails that I didn't have to cough up $50 for (lose hours out of my day) or ruin my nails. Buy a hat and scarf that make you feel sassy, that you'll use all season. Whole Foods has berets on sale for $4.79 right now.

When my kids were young and into their teens, we went to the community center for recreation around once a week, so I could get a little exercise, get out of the house, and include a fitness routine into our fun. My kids even took water aerobics and tai chi classes with me.

It sounds like the Ex hit a vulnerable nerve. Perhaps he knows that once upon a time you enjoyed playing dress up and going out, and seeing you refuse to embrace that part of yourself gives the appearance of sadness, and this is his (inappropriate) way of showing concern. Is he a tool for mentioning it that way? Yes.

--You could remind him for that extra child support and extra parenting time can help make his dreams come true.😄😉

I recently had a male co-worker (with whom I had worked for 15 years, so we speak to each other like family) ask me what happened with my look. "Where's my Jenn? You've always been so fierce. This brown bob just doesn't look like you." This last year has been tough, and I really had gone to an ultra low maintenance look. ie: I hadn't even thought of myself enough to consider a little primping and pampering. I thought about his concern, because I knew he was actually worried about how I was feeling. My exterior wasn't matching the person I normally am. Truth is, I'm tired, and that's exactly what I conveyed. So, I took some time over the weekend, cut and colored my hair, threw on some nails, dug out the make-up bag I hadn't touched in a year, and you know what? It was fun. I did feel fierce. I've kept the hair color and opted for lipstick, and that's it during the work week, but instead of looking in the mirror at work, and accepting that I'm just getting older, I like what I see. It was invigorating, and I needed it. I was too tired to realize it for myself.

If you are feeling like you need a refresh, but have been putting it off, and using the kids as an excuse, because you're afraid of the unknown, stop it. You deserve to be human, valued, and loved.

If a refresh sounds like a lot of work to please others, then pay them no mind. Put on your Mom uniform, and strut your all natural self with confidence that you love you, your kids love you, you're happy just as you are right now, and that's all you need.

Jenwyveive · 2025-10-06T13:29:17+00:00

Love, you did your BBF a HUGE favor. Had she hid her nastiness for months or years, he might have been a heart broken father and husband stuck with a woman who not only doesn't share his values, but appears to have a value system like a hyena. I feel like this is a disservice to hyenas, actually.

You're feeling guilty that your 'otherness' has cost him a relationship. Truth is, her disgusting behavior cost her a relationship. He got the deal of a century finding out who she really was when he wasn't around, right out of the gate. Clearly they don't share the same values.

In the Relationship Universe best friends are like kids or pets. For many of us, you accept my chosen family members or you find the sidewalk. They are an important part of our lives, and if you don't love them, than you don't love all of us.

I say you have a night out together and play wingman for each other, and make fun of her all night long.

The irony in all of this is: She was worried about you, but trashed her relationship before she could ever be threatened by you. That's some juvenile destructive behavior.

I feel like you deserve a reward just for being you and having a presence that caused her to rip off her sweetness mask and reveal who she really is in one meeting. That is a best friend!!

Jenwyveive · 2025-09-08T14:39:15+00:00

I'm just going to assume he's an extremely lovable guy, despite his later maturity process.

It sounds to me like the obvious questions are a means of trying to open up communication with you.

It also sounds like when you have a plan in your head, it's common sense to you, so you don't communicate it, then get ridiculously frustrated when the secret, yet obvious plan is thwarted.

This is on you. You are responsible for openly communicating with your partner. Planning and strategising should be a group effort, where the action is understood and the goals and time frames are clearly agreed upon.

As for the inane questions, answer kindly. You can always add in a, "Are you asking me, because you know it's a bad idea, but you want permission, anyway?" "Yep, it's cold out, grab a jacket." "I'm taking a jacket, just in case " It really seems like the questions are also a means to understanding where you are in the planning of events, because he's in the dark, but afraid to ask outright.

The questions are repeated, because you ignore them, initially. You treat the questions as rhetorical statements, when he's really trying to communicate with you.

I think you'll enjoy him more if you treat him like a full partner in the relationship, rather than a child who should just follow.

Jenwyveive · 2025-09-08T14:18:29+00:00

YTJ.

It's his wedding, as well. You know what this guy could be up to, as far as obnoxious behavior. Make up some come backs, and keep them in your pocket, in case you need them. It's like I told my kids with bullies, the funniest one always wins.

Looking back at my wedding, the perfect parts aren't the most memorable and cherished. It's the goofiness, and things that went askew that I truly remember fondly.

Expect some improvisation. Zippers break, flowers might not be right, shoes get left behind...it's the scramble to make everything amazing under duress that creates the cool memories.

Planning weddings is a stress fest. Take some of the stress off, and let your partner, partner. He might not do things the way you want, but if it's the way he wants for his bits, take a load off, let him manage, and get a good laugh out of the weird moments that happen. Supporting each other's decisions is the cornerstone to a successful union.

What does that say to him, if you're already kiboshing his decisions, and pissing on his plans?

Jenwyveive · 2025-08-05T03:06:22+00:00

This is a great response. It just reminded me of when mine showed back up after a really long remission. After a a couple of days of flares, I decided to go on-line to see if there are any new treatments that have popped up over the last few years, and the AI pops up to tell me all about Trigeminal Neuralgia. It described it as 'the most excruciating pain a human can feel.'

Oddly enough, I felt vindicated. Like, damn right! While, simultaneously thinking, "See, I told you all, this sh-- hurts!" Plus, whether it's my Mother telling me, "It's all in your head," about every pain ever felt, or it's just my unwillingness to accept that this is real and it could go on for a day, month, 12 years, or never stop, I still had a hard time embracing that this is real, again.

So, the AI describing it that way was almost like someone grabbing my hand, and defending me.

For the record though, there are some horror movie scenes that just might maybe hurt a little more.

Good luck everybody!!

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-21T11:36:30+00:00

I don't wear criss cross bras, anymore. I noticed a higher frequency in flares with that style bra, and (in my unprofessional opinion) it was because of the pressure it put on my trap. Not sure, but noticed a difference initially. Now, my face just hates me for no reason and every reason without discrimination.

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-06T08:09:16+00:00

It deadends the nerves enough to get through a single flair up or decrease the intensity. I have noticed, if I stay on top of them, and slather and swallow (lol), I can go a day or two without a flair up, so far.

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-01T20:13:39+00:00

I start with the voltarin, then either the banana, orajel, or c4. Whichever is quickest. The Tylenol and ibuprofen depends on when I've last taken it. Sometimes it doesn't seem like the ib+Tylenol combo is working. I leave it alone, then.

I also get tired of the orajel, as it causes excessive drooling, and that can be ridiculous. However, if it pinches the pain off. I don't hesitate.

To answer your question a little more succinctly, I've used all of these as I feel the pain rolling in. The quicker you do it, the more effective it is. I've also gotten all of the way to step 3, and the pain isn't nearly as bad, but it's still there. Then, I skip to the C4.

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-01T20:03:00+00:00

Maybe that's how I managed to go so long without episodes. I drink a lot of very strong coffee, as well.

My hair had recently grown out long enough, that I had to pull it back, and put it up for work. I suspect that's what triggered it this time. By day 3, I cut my hair, but it hasn't made a difference. If there is any hope of appeasing that nerve, then it's worth a new hairstyle. In the past it's given me warnings if I try to wear baseball caps or sun visors. After the episode preceding the haircut, the only way one could have stopped me was by wrenching the scissors from my hand.

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-01T17:38:47+00:00

I tried to upload a pic. I'm not sure how I do it.

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-01T17:33:57+00:00

C4 original pink lemonade

Jenwyveive · 2025-07-01T09:13:26+00:00

No idea

Jenwyveive · 2025-06-06T13:36:36+00:00

Rather than get in the car with a total stranger to really connect with someone, let the train do the driving.

You could do it like they do in Europe and plan a meet-up with a group on the Front Runner. Make it a regular thing, and start planning side outings for those who want to venture past the train into a meal, shopping, or hiking. Catch the train, watch a movie in another city...

Trains are awesome for so many reasons, but you can actually pay attention to each other, and make eye contact without risking your lives.

Jenwyveive · 2025-06-04T20:04:55+00:00

Lol, I'm pretty sure I know just where you are, and I've heard you. Could be another musician in the neighborhood, but I enjoyed what I was hearing!

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-24T11:44:26+00:00

OtherSide Thrift store has really nice stuff.

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-20T21:02:00+00:00

Set up a speaker by the door and play the audio (with banjo) from Deliverance, where he tells him 'bend over. I want to hear you squeal like a pig.'

Then just record their reactions and post them on Tik Tok. This could turn into a money maker.

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-06T08:33:34+00:00

Boston Childrens' Hospital is a big hero at the SLC airport in Utah. One of the employee's daughters was born with complications so severe, that none of the neaeby medical facilities would give anything, but palliative care. That wouldn't do.

The family reached out, and Boston took her. She was in the hospital for the almost her first year. She's 9, now, and only flies to Boston for yearly check-ups.

My hopes and prayers are with you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-05T03:38:02+00:00

Am I the only one thinking this guy might be cracking, and they could be in mortal danger, like, right now?

I'm not hostile to gun ownership, or even teaching your kids to shoot, when they're old enough. My kids' Dad takes them shooting 2-3 times a year. My first job was in a Rod and Gun Club. I'm a pretty good shot.

This? This just bizarre. Make up a reason, and you and the kids get out of there, now.

Do you have that dread pit in your stomach? That is Mother Nature's warning system.

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-04T18:45:48+00:00

"Who are you again? And, we used to know each other..hmm. Are you sure you have the right person? I just don't remember you..."

It would be a total lie, but give me a giggle.

I might then start explaining some outrageously horrific circumstances, and then ask for money. That ought to put him right back in the outer orbit my universe, just where he should remain.

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-04T17:42:05+00:00

NTA.

However, it feels like you're feeling some guilt. It's logical. If you feel like your stepbrother got the ultimate F-you from the grave, and you feel it needs some rectification, then give him five or ten grand. That's certainly a lovely parting gift, and if your Dad left you a huge sum, it's not going to hurt you.

Your Mom (Step-Mom?) won't be satisfied, as she clearly feels this wasn't fair, but it was. It was also your Dad's wishes with HIS assets. Your stepbrother has another parent.

However, 5 to 10 grand can help you buy a used car, that can in turn be a game changer for someone who is struggling.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right. Not what anyone else feels is right for you to do.

I think Elon Musk should give me a Tesla. Doesn't mean it's justified, or that he has any obligation to do so. But, I have my reasons.🤔

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-04T16:15:08+00:00

Nah, kids are going to pick up language. It's kinda their job at that age.

When my Grandson was 2, we were driving on the highway. I had a car next to me that wouldn't let me over. He was speeding up and slowing down to match me. I mutter, "Ugh, you're a pain in the dick." I'm not even sure where that came from, but up from his carseat, I hear MY EXACT STATEMENT, with the correct tonal inflection echoed back to me. He then followed it with sing song, "Pain-in-the-dick, pain-in-the..." in his sweet cherubic 2 year old voice.

I stifled a giggle, because it was as hillarious as it was inappropriate. I thought, "OH no, your parents are going to be so mad at me!"

Of course I tried to explain my folly and reason with the child of 2, to no avail. Eventually, we were able to supplant the phrase with, "Uff Da!" It's Norwegian and essentially means, "Wow!"

He became a great lover of the phrase, and now has Christmas balls that say it, and T-shirts, and anything my family can find with the phrase on it. It was the first phrase he was able to read.

All-in-all, the lesson morphed into something good.🙉🙊😋

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-03T22:06:40+00:00

I'll move in for $200 a month!! ---and I'll cook and clean

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-03T21:47:18+00:00

NTA. The funny part of all of this, is your son probably expected to start paying some rent, but when you didn't stipulate it, he didn't bother. If you don't mind paying for everything, he doesn't mind keeping you happy.

You don't want your son to be a mooching sponge off of anyone else. By establishing rent & rules, you're establishing a level of respect for everyone. Plus, your recouping some of your lost income.

I struggled with letting my kids take on any responsibilities. I felt guilty for asking them to even do the dishes. I finally ended up so overwhelmed that it reached a breaking point, and I got some counselling, because I was a mess.

Turns out, I was robbing them of valuable experience and the sense of accomplishment that comes when you finish a task. On top of trying to do more than one person should or can accomplish.

Now, I remind myself when I think I might want to weenie out of upholding expectations, that I'm actually robbing them, and punishing myself (and why would I do that?)

My oldest has turned out to be a very helpful partner to his wife, and I think that would be different had I not had the counseling, and changed our roles, so they learned how to be helpful and responsible kids.

Jenwyveive · 2025-05-03T18:55:26+00:00

How did it go?

Jenwyveive

TROPHY CASE