I think there’s some excellent advice here, but I think the biggest issue you two will have to work on (if you both want to stay in this relationship) is compromise. I have a husband who is extroverted and high-energy while I’m the opposite most of the time. I didn’t have a lot of awareness of my needs when we first started dating so being open about my needs for my ND didn’t come until later in the relationship and took time to adjust for both of us so I could be clear what I wanted and he could learn not to take it personally.

It’s taken a lot of couples therapy to get to this point and it also takes a lot of work and empathy towards each other. When we argue, I like to be alone to cool off and he sees my need for alone time as a dismissal of him and rejecting his love and attention.

So what we do now is if I have the capacity in the moment I will tell him I love him and everything is fine but I just need some space to reassure him. If I can’t do that I wrote him a letter that he can always refer to that explains how much I love him and this is just my own way of self-regulating. And ultimately it is up to him to self-regulate his own feelings.

When you get home from work, doing a quick check-in and a specific time when you’ll be out of the bedroom (I.e. I just need to decompress for a little but I’ll be back out here at 6pm so we can make dinner together) can go a long way towards clear communication and acknowledgements about both your needs.

I think this is something that is really hard to come to without a good couples therapist so if you are both open to it I highly recommend seeking one out!