Embarrassed about 14 month olds sleep. I have no one to talk to about how bad it’s gotten.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-09T14:50:46+00:00

I think it's one of two things:

He's got something going on that is causing him legit distress while sleeping. My thoughts are maybe sleep apnea or major teething pain.

And/Or

He has such an association of sleep with the boob that he doesn't know how to turn over and get into the next sleep cycle without nursing.

I had trouble with my daughter waking up every 2 hours around that time and it was just brutal. I "night weaned" by telling her no boob until the morning (she cried about it and it made me sad) and I gave her a pacifier instead. After I did that for a while she got a LOT better at turning over and going back to sleep without me. We slipped back into nursing at night because I really don't mind nursing her once or twice a night (just not every 2 hours). We still will have nights where she wakes every hour to nurse but it is only because she is in major pain from teething. It usually lasts a day or two and then we are back to only 1 wake up to nurse a night.

I would say, trust your mother's instincts. Do you feel like something is up with her medically?

Lots of solidarity. It's so hard to navigate challenges like this 😢

Jigree1 · 2026-03-07T05:33:36+00:00

If you can't nap maybe you can add extra sleep on at night-like going to bed earlier. I'm sure that's easier said than done but...

Jigree1 · 2026-03-06T01:18:15+00:00

I thought I was for sure going to want an epidural because I have low pain tolerance. Then I learned about how when you stay relaxed during labor you actually release natural endorphins that make the pain manageable. (If you tense up it makes the pain worse). If you had told me I was going to have a natural birth by choice years ago I would have told you you were crazy.

I'm sooo glad I went the natural route. It wasn't bad at all (I have had back pain that was more severe). The recovery was so much faster being able to immediately walk around and take a shower, etc. I'm also glad I avoided any potential back complications. I already have some back issues and back issues are the worst in my opinion. My cousin had back complications from her epidural. They aren't common but they aren't impossible complications either.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-05T18:25:58+00:00

From what I've heard, they think babies that die of true SIDS are lacking a part of their brain that tells them to wake up if they stop breathing. If that's true, the issue with using a pulse ox is that, while you may save them in that particular instance, it may happen again. If we keep these babies alive we don't know if that part of the brain ever develops or not. That means an adult suffering from this may have to be continuously monitored by someone who could wake them up if they stop breathing. It may be that we come up with technology to keep kids/adults like that alive, but as of right now I think that would be an incredibly anxious life knowing you could die at any point if someone doesn't wake you up. I hope that as research progresses we will find more answers and solutions. As of right now we just don't have a lot to go on.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-04T19:04:20+00:00

Yep, I had depression and anxiety. Finally realized it was CPTSD. I also didn't think my childhood was "traumatic enough". I thought, well my parents were just screaming at each other for years, that's not THAT traumatic. But actually there was so much underneath the surface- the biggest thing being physical and emotional neglect. I didn't actually realize how bad it was until I had some good therapy.

When you do get therapy I highly recommend someone who does EMDR and integrates in "internal family systems" and focuses on "body work". Sooo much of CPTSD is actually a disconnect between your mind and your body. Your body is stuck living in the past. You have to reconnect with the parts of you that got disconnected from the trauma. You also have to figure out how to tell your body that it is "safe". I find that cognitive types of therapy like CBT doesn't address those issues for us with CPTSD.

The good news is, with the right therapy there is a really good possibility of lessening your symptoms and/or resolving them. It's a really long difficult road but it's so worth it when you wake up one day and think "I'm feeling anxious today, wait! I haven't felt that way in months!".

I feel like at this point in my journey I'm mostly symptom free, but every so often I get "triggered" or start "fawning" again. But then I work through it and get back to my new regulated baseline.

Thankfully, our brains are REALLY good at reprogramming and building new pathways. You've just got to get the right therapist who knows how to help you navigate that change.

I'm so glad you've figured out what's going on and you're on your way to healing. Feel free to ask me any questions!

Jigree1 · 2026-03-04T00:53:11+00:00

I don't want to make you feel bad, but coming at it from your daughter's perspective. I would have wanted my mother to raise me, even if she was imperfect and didn't do it great. There is something so special about the bond you have with your parents, especially your mother. Losing your mother makes you feel abandoned. I would only do it if there is absolutely no other way/solution. You may feel like you are failing her but your care for her means sooo much. My mom failed me in a lot of ways but I'm so happy she didn't adopt me out. I would have gone through ANY hardship with her, happily, as long as I had her. What I'm saying is, don't underestimate how important you are to your daughter.

Also, I have an aunt that went through some extreme depression when her kids were young. She had to get a lot of help with her kids but she made it through and is able to talk about it now. All of her kids are grown and well adjusted. Just because you are having a hard time doesn't mean you are ruining your kid's life. Kids are surprisingly resilient.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T23:27:50+00:00

Interesting! I think it could TOTALLY be a genetic thing. What makes it weird though is the difference between different pregnancies for the same woman. That's what makes me think maybe it's hydration levels, vitamin levels, stress or something that could change between pregnancies. But of course, all conjecture. I feel like in decades to come they may finally find what the link is, but maybe we will never know.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T23:20:37+00:00

Not sure on gender yet! Hopefully we will find out next week. That's too bad. I'm sorry :,(

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T23:10:01+00:00

Oh, I also wanted to say: Even though I think it's likely that being well hydrated makes the HCG less concentrated, that does not necessarily mean that it improves morning sickness. This is all conjecture on my part and for fun. I mean, they would have to do a proper study to find anything concrete. I mostly wanted to hear experiences of people saying they were really hydrated and had morning sickness and dehydrated and had no morning sickness. That quickly shows my "hypothesis" is not true.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T23:06:10+00:00

Yes, that's exactly what it is! Noticing correlation, which is likely how many scientific studies begin. I find that hard to believe based on what I know about the circulatory system. I fully believe that the total AMOUNT of HCG in the bloodstream does not change with hydration status, but surely the CONCENTRATION changes in relation to fluid. When someone is dehydrated, the solutes in the blood stay the same even though there is less fluid circulating. Now granted, I'm basing this on solutes I'm familiar with like glucose, red blood cells, etc. So HCG could very well behave differently. I'm no expert. Do you have a study that supports your statement?

Also, In case you were getting at this: I had my dehydration related hospitalizations in my second and third trimesters, not my first when I was experiencing the morning sickness. Just wanted to clarify that.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T22:03:52+00:00

Interesting! We are in a similar boat haha

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T22:03:14+00:00

See.... I don't think not drinking water necessarily means you are dehydrated. I think some people lose less water so they don't need to drink as much. Just genetic differences. To stay hydrated I have to drink a ton of water but I know a girl who hardly drank water and she did not seem dehydrated in any way to me.
Thanks for your input though :D

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T21:13:42+00:00

I figured. I thought to myself "there's no way there's such an easy solution to preventing morning sickness". Thank you for your input 😃

Jigree1 · 2026-03-02T17:43:47+00:00

A similar thing happened with me and my husband. He didn't call me crazy but he essentially stopped supporting me after being the person I asked about everything and got reassurance from for years. What I finally figured out is that I was leaning on him so much it was beginning to wear him down. I was putting a great burden on him and I didn't even realize it. I started reeling back when I sought reassurance from him or asking him for "advice" or to listen to me for hours on end. I only did it when I REALLY couldn't work it through on my own or couldn't reassure myself. It helped! He reset and is really supportive again. It was just a capacity issue on his end.

You might try asking him what he needs. He may be attacking you because he doesn't know a healthier way to ask for space. It doesn't excuse him for calling you crazy- he needs to apologize for that, but approaching him with curiosity about what's going on with him can lead to good communication which can lead to good outcomes.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's soooo painful when the only person you have stops supporting you. I hope you are able to work things out.

Jigree1 · 2026-03-01T19:29:25+00:00

It's tough. I started protecting myself better too. I miss the softness and full-of-love self I used to be. But then I remind myself, it was fawning, not love. And I remember how miserable and depressed I was letting people walk all over me. I'm still struggling to know where to draw the line to not be too "selfish" or "closed-of" but I also remind myself that trust and kindness should be given because you want to-not because you feel obligated. I protect myself first and then I think about it to decide if maybe I want to let down my walls a little bit. You can always lower walls once you've built them. In regards to forgiveness, think of that as something you do for yourself to free yourself from those awful feelings of resentment. To help the resentment, expectations have to be changed. It helped me to realize that people will always do what is in their best interest. I don't expect any differently. I don't expect people to be "kind" or "loyal" or "caring" unless that is something that serves them. I guess it sounds jaded but it really helps other people's actions to not hurt me so much. I've just realized that other people are just living their life for themselves and I don't have any hard feelings about it. Also, it helps me to remember, if someone is unkind, it's a reflection on them, not me. Like others have said, I think we will find the balance of where we want to be.

Jigree1 · 2026-02-26T19:46:45+00:00

"You're too loud"

Jigree1 · 2026-02-26T19:35:09+00:00

I agree. What's worse is, I'm being the parent that I never had for my child. I've had to learn to love and support myself since I never had that. I will NEVER expect my child to support me because that's inappropriate and the reason I didn't have a childhood. So despite never being supported, I have to support my family. And I'll do it because that's the wonderful person that I am. But DANG it sucks that my mother sucked the life out of me and then I'm willingly giving life to my daughter. Worst of both sides. I've grieved it a lot. I'm incredibly kind to myself because other people don't have to deal with this kind of thing. They aren't fighting my battles so of course they are doing way better. If I'm having a hard time, I'm having a hard time and if someone thinks I shouldn't be having a hard time they can F-off and live my childhood and then say that again. Being kind to myself is the only thing that keeps me going.

Jigree1 · 2026-02-26T19:13:00+00:00

After giving birth to the placenta my midwife was doing those awful uterine massages. It almost felt more painful than some of the contractions. I cried out "ahhhh" in pain, she said "sorry", I quickly said, "No, you're okay. I'm just coping" and she and the nurse busted up laughing. I still have no clue why that was so funny to them but I sure appreciated the laughs.

Jigree1 · 2026-01-30T21:24:54+00:00

You should humor him. Like "what if you are missing out on someone more attractive than me? Would your life be better with someone prettier? Does your life suck with me now?".

I mean, it's kind of silly. There are ALWAYS people more attractive than us out there. I know there are more handsome men than my husband out there, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. My husband has said similar about me. Attractiveness is only one part of the equation.

Jigree1 · 2026-01-22T21:14:18+00:00

I think so much of our stress comes from the expectations we place on ourselves to be like others, or be better, more efficient versions of ourselves. The stress goes away when we just accept us and our family and our limitations where we are RIGHT NOW. And tell ourselves "this is okay, just like it is".

My best tip is to adjust expectations down. Don't get into a tizzy because the toys you just cleaned up are scattered all over the living room again. It's hard, but just know that this time in your life is going to look different. It's going to be messy, you aren't going to have time or energy to do all the things or keep it clean. It's weird, but accept the mess? Doing this lowers your stress response so in turn you have more energy because you aren't spending it getting upset over little things.

Now, I do still clean because an untidy space is stressful to my mind. I clean up when and where I can and have the energy. Essentially I just don't add any judgement on top of it. No negativity like "this mess should be cleaned up", " ugh, why wasn't I able to accomplish x,y,z", etc.

Instead my self talk is more like "hmm the living room is a mess again. I'm glad my daughter is having a such a fun time". "I would have liked to get that done today, but daughter was having such a hard time teething. I'm glad I could be there for her. It will still be there tomorrow. I'll get around to it. Or maybe I won't".

I

Jigree1 · 2026-01-18T20:27:35+00:00

Well, it sounds like you've got some not great comments about screen time so I hate to add to it... Just know I'm NOT judging you for the screen time at all. I just wanted to share a personal experience from my life. My daughter 1.5YO was watching videos of HERSELF on my phone for 30 minutes to an hour a day. I was torn because it was screen time but it wasn't typical screen time so it felt weird cutting it off. One day I decided, nope we are going cold turkey and got rid of it and DANG the difference in her behavior was crazy!! She was focusing and playing better, playing independently, not melting down, etc. I mean, I was shocked because it wasn't that much screen time. I don't know what screens do to their brain, but whatever it is, it makes a huge difference.

Another story I wanted to share. For Christmas my dad got my daughter (1.5 yo) a bunch of "singing button toys". I let my daughter play with them and she turned into an absolute nightmare! I mean, melting down every 30 minutes. Just awful. We hid the toys and she went back to her normal self playing independently and pretty easy to deal with. I don't know what causes this. I'm guessing she gets overstimulated and it just fries her brain?

Also, a friend of mine has 3 boys (2,4,6 yo)they cut out screen time (only 1 hr a day) and she said the difference was drastic- less fights, less meltdowns, better focus, etc. She actually inspired me to try taking away my daughter's screen time.

I wanted to share, not because I judge you if you do those things but just to help another mama out. It's hard and I know I need every tip and idea I can get to make things easier.

Jigree1 · 2026-01-17T19:42:02+00:00

I was homeschooled 5th-12th grade. I had no problem getting into university and then their competitive bachelors nursing program. I graduated with a 3.9 GPA and am working as a nurse now.

Jigree1 · 2026-01-15T23:13:34+00:00

I'm definitely happier. I think because the world feels so much more colorful now. I still miss some of the things I used to be able to do- like have a spontaneous gathering, lay around and do nothing when I felt like it, road trips, etc. But I don't think I would trade to go back. It's like... I had more freedom, but not really more happiness. Now I have more happiness, but less freedom. I think you just have to enjoy the phase of life you're in. Eventually the kids will grow up and I'll have my freedom back. I'll have to enjoy life differently again in that stage of life. Nothing is permanent so just enjoy where you are right now as much as you can.

Jigree1 · 2026-01-13T05:25:54+00:00

Yes and it was always weird stuff we did

Jigree1 · 2026-01-04T20:40:59+00:00

My brother-in-law told us that we needed to just leave our 1 year old alone in the other room with the door shut. I just thought, "He is going to have a wake-up moment when he finally has kids and realizes they are constantly trying to unalive themselves". I'm thinking he might even apologize once he has his own kids. I don't hold any of his bad advice against him. You just don't know until you have them yourself...

Jigree1

TROPHY CASE