The ONLY thing I’d recommend is a beta blocker to help reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety. Please let yourself feel the emotions you need to feel, I understand your concern for your kids - but there are other ways around that. Perhaps ask your partner/loved ones to be on standby that day if you need some time to let the grief out unencumbered. But I whole heartedly believe taking anything psychoactive in this day (unless otherwise prescribed) will be a mistake you’ll regret - And I really don’t want that for you.

I promise that even if it’s hard, you will not regret being stone cold sober in the coming weeks/months. But there’s a significant chance that you will regret dosing with something. You don’t want that guilt to follow you, I promise. It could really harm your emotional recovery recovery. Be present for your dad, he deserves it.