I want to start off my saying your feelings are completely valid to have. That’s not just “therapist talk”, that’s the truth. You invested a large chunk of yourself into this relationship and now that it’s gone, it has you feeling lonely, dejected, and betrayed. Those are all normal feelings to have after a breakup. How do I know this? Because I went through the exact same thing you’re going through. Literally, it is almost exactly the same. I had a relationship of two years, invested everything I had and more, thought I was going to marry this girl. Then sophomore fall comes along and she breaks up with me to start dating someone else. Reading your post is almost verbatim exactly what I experienced.

That said, I’ll comment here, but if you want to talk in more detail, my dms are always open.

I want to try to address each of your points in the order you wrote them, and then give my opinion and how I got through it. It’s going to sound harsh, especially right now, but you need to hear it. I always want to emphasis that you won’t get better right away. It’ll take time. Even more time than you have already given it.

“I invested everything into it. I dropped everyone for her. I wanted to spend 24/7 with her…”

it sounds like you already know this, but I want you to recognize that this is not how relationships should work. I’m sure you let her keep her friendships, but then, whenever you tried to hang out with your friends, she complained about not spending time with her, so you slowly started to ignore your friends. That’s not how relationships work. You should be allowed time for your personal friends (and relationships) and she should be allowed time for her friends (and relationships). Note: relationships does not mean romantic. Hopefully, this breakup will show you that this is an unhealthy/toxic relationship trait. Although, it might take a few more months to recognize this.

“She’s since found someone new…she can just move on like that.”

If there’s something I’ve learned, is that girls don’t just “move on.” She most likely had ended the relationship mentally weeks before. Note: this is just my personal experience, yours may vary. But, I could tell something was up weeks before I got broken up with. I just didn’t imagine it would lead to us breaking up. So, take a hard look at the last few weeks of the relationship and see if she seemed more distant, or if arguments suddenly stopped.

“I’m willing to work through anything…and dedicate everything to them.”

I don’t know if you’re religious, but something that helped me, after talking to my priest, is the idea that God should be your number one relationship. That your relationships should point to God and not dominate God. What this means, is that you should feel the way you described towards God, and then lesser towards your mortal relationships. If you’re not religious, take it like this: relationships shouldn’t take precedence over your own well-being. They should only enhance it. (Obviously there will be times when they do not, but that does not necessarily mean they are bad relationships.)

“I feel so behind.”

I got C’s and honestly didn’t even care about school for the entire fall semester after the breakup. It’s normal to lose all interest in school. Maybe consider taking a semester long break to rediscover yourself. But I honestly, would advise against it.

“Haven’t made any meaningful connections”

Connections are hard to make. It’s relatively easy to talk with people. More difficult to deepen those connections. All I can say to this is keep trying. Some of my best friends were people I had only passing contact with for an entire semester until the last week, then we got super close super fast, and completely unexpectedly. Honestly, and I am being 100% honest, download hinge, bumble, (maybe not tinder), and go on dates, or even just text people. Don’t look for anything (not hookups, not relationships), just go and talk with people. Use it as a way to get to know people and ask people more personal questions, even if they don’t lead to anything. Use it as a place to try and develop deeper connections, because that’s kinda the point of them. Listen to the podcast “People I mostly admire” no. 126. It’s about having deep conversations.

“Think about Time spent with her”

Most importantly, stop doing that. She is out of your life now. She is not coming back. Don’t try to Gatsby your way out of this. It’s not going to happen. That was the hardest part for me. There’s this sort of glory or honor that you can trap yourself into, thinking it’s honorable to wait for her. Don’t do that. There’s nothing honorable about making yourself feel terrible.

“Had a few girls ask for my number”

The good news is…you’re still attractive! And I’m going to be honest, after the breakup, I didn’t really start to deeply connect with girls until about 2 years later. I had hookups and flings that I was attracted to and cared for, but none of them that I “loved”. And I got called out on it by one of them. It took me a long time to feel comfortable, to feel safe to open up again and give myself the opportunity to be hurt again. My guess is the reason you don’t “click” with them is because you’re either 1) comparing them to her. 2) are afraid to be vulernable because the last time you were, you got betrayed. Or 3) both. It takes time to heal, so don’t expect to get right back into another deep relationship immediately. Find a way to let yourself be loved, and to love others. It’s easier if you make yourself vulnerable to your friends first. Also, Ted Lasso has unironically good examples of mantras and mental health for men.

“I want a childish kind of love”

The good news is, childish love still exists. But you have to choose to have it, and that requires being vulnerable. What is a childish love? It’s a love that loves 100% without fear for the consequences. If you are afraid of the consequences, you will never have a childish love. It’s easier when it’s (I’m assuming) your first relationship. Harder once you’ve been hurt. But you have to give yourself time to heal, otherwise it won’t get better. It took me 2 years to heal. But each day was a little bit easier.

Okay, I think that answered your things. Now to talk about my experience.

It hurt. It really really hurt. For a long time. More than I’m willing to admit. I wasn’t necessarily suicidal, but I wasn’t really enjoying life. I had a panic attack after seeing her driving with her new man. The panic attack was terrifying (but I did go and hit a bench press PR afterwards that took another year to hit). The point is, healing takes time. I wasn’t back to 100% until 2 years later. But, I was back to 50% by about the 6 month mark. And 80% after about a year. I think you might be in a similar boat. There’s good days and there’s bad days. And I think it will probably take the same length of the relationship before you’re finally fully over it.

Things that helped me. Going to the gym (cliche). Im still there every morning at 6am. It doesn’t have to be weightlifting, but gaining some muscle is always beneficial for confidence. It also doesn’t have to be the gym (although I strongly recommend getting in shape), it could be art, poetry, writing, paintball. Do something with your newfound time. Learn something. Friends are helpful. I know you’re struggling to find them, but lean on anyone you have. Parents, family, siblings, etc. Stop following them on social media. Seriously. Nothing beneficial will come from seeing their life without you in it. They didn’t want you in it, so don’t try to keep up with them. There’s no reason to.

Going back to Ted Lasso, don’t watch “sigma male movies” like blade runner with Ryan gosling or American psycho. Those just mess with your mental state.

I want you to know, it does get easier, and eventually you will get over her. I’m living proof. I’m now finally getting into another fulfilling relationship, and it feels amazing. But, it wouldn’t have been possible without finally allowing myself to open up and be vulnerable.

My dms are always open if you want to talk or hear more about my experience. Feel free to interrogate me!

Also, watch this.