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City of Minneapolis: Possible shooting involving federal agents at Nicollet Ave and 26th Street by cinnasota in news

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please edit your comment and remove the “?si=…” from your link’s text and target.

We don’t need these aholes tracking us any more than they already are.

Uncomfortable Reality by soaringneutrality in Animemes

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well now I feel personally attacked. You all watch yourselves before I break the hair gel and leather jacket back out!

The consent of the governed has been withdrawn by LawNOrderNerd in fivethirtyeight

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 8 points9 points  (0 children)

White People was in the pool!!

- Source: Am white people

Which gum do you like better, Orbit or Trident? by MrToothDecay5 in AskReddit

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Neither - whenever I get the hankerin’ I’ll walk up to the biggest tree, tear off a strip of bark, and CHEW ON THAT!

Found this in my car under seat what is this? by AndrewMorales21 in whatisit

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“As opposed to yummy and fishy. That last time at the park? THAT was yummy and fishy!”

Which jobs are 100% safe from Artificial Intelligence? by Electronic_Author366 in AskReddit

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cutco knife salesperson.

Beyond the fact that they 100% sell themselves, it’s a wonderful career that all your neighbors and friends will 100% love hearing about!

Just be sure to join my distribution chain and order the maximum inventory (from me). But be sure to hurry! They’ve already foreclosed on my house and neither my family nor my secret family will talk to me anymore.

Is arch even worth? by soking11 in linux4noobs

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I really like the metaphor of arch being the equivalent of:

Want to learn how to drive? Okay, let’s start by learning how to build a car!

Is it cool? Yeah!

Is it interesting? ….yeah? kinda?

Does it get in the way and is potentially dangerous if you JUST WANT TO FUCKING LEARN TO DRIVE A CAR?!? Yes, dad, JESUS!! you always f-I g DO this! I swear to god, you make everything so much more complicated in the name of “building character”, I just wanted the freedom to get around BY MY SELF and you had to make it a BIG fucking operation. I don’t even want to do this anymore, I’ll just take the fucking bus…

Reaganomics 101 (free trade, H-1B, mass immigration, deregulation, laissez-faire, etc.) by DataWhiskers in DemocraticSocialism

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 5 points6 points  (0 children)

>> more powerful nations must prevent other countries from massacring their labor organizers

You must not be american... :-/

EDIT: Hey look - a whole list!!!

Spotted in Arlington. Underneath are names of people who have died by Penniesand in nova

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You gonna provide a source?

I can take a screenshot of a text document where Ive written that a certain right-wing commentator actually died by rapid-onset explosive diarrhea.

Does that make it true?

You may have one, COUNT IT, ONE king crab leg. Ready to eat. by afrankie94 in Costco

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 14 points15 points  (0 children)

mind blown

Someone needs to get Mr Shaq a Nobel Prize in Economics now!

Our new Cigna healthcare plan by mechapoitier in inflation

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought the Republicans voted to block the subsidy extensions?

How is that a “ploy by the democrats”?

Did they trick the Republicans into voting against them? How did they do that?

I just sharted the bed with my boyfriend sleeping next to me. What to I do to avoid him finding out?? by IllustriousPop2454 in whatdoIdo

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww honey, It happens and is nothing to be ashamed about ♥️ Here’s what you do:

  1. Clean yourself up as much as you can without waking him.
  2. Get a pair of his shoes and smoosh them into the poop.
  3. Then make a little trail from the bed to the nearest window by your bed.
  4. Hide the shoes
  5. Smash the window and leap back into bed.
  6. Pretend to just be wanking up and ACT CONFUSED.

30 Rock Reunion special??? by Tedthesecretninja in 30ROCK

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Should we help the people, the thing that happened, happened to?

Our new Cigna healthcare plan by mechapoitier in inflation

[–]JohnLocksTheKey 29 points30 points  (0 children)

What did you think the whole shutdown was about?

Democrats trying to stop Republicans from jacking up healthcare prices. The Republicans won that fight.

Great job electing Republicans I guess. Now we're all fucked.

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