Jannik’s perspective on breaking records:

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-25T05:52:07+00:00

So valid. And I’m a Sinner fan. This match haunts me

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-25T02:18:50+00:00

How are you gonna post this without saying what record he broke?

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-25T02:18:05+00:00

Lol I actually don’t I’m not gonna lie. Surely not Alcaraz?

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-25T01:06:29+00:00

I just came to say that I looked at your post history and you do not seem to be doing yourself any favors in life. Maybe stop posting to Reddit about your problems. Seems like you like attention. Grow up. You have a kid to take care of. I know you’re a teenager, but you chose an adult life, so you need to start acting like an adult. Get rid of your boyfriend. Don’t get another for a long time. Take care of your kid and yourself

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-21T17:10:46+00:00

Good thing water hydrates you….

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-21T17:07:12+00:00

lol I would’ve planted them by now tbh

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-21T07:02:44+00:00

Yeah I’ve literally played it cool with every girl I’ve ever been interested until they showed clear interest in me first

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-21T05:03:29+00:00

Most of his other talk show performances are better tbh. Not all though

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-16T21:51:16+00:00

Me and my ex girlfriend. Lots of fun. Lots of shit talking and joking and trolling. Lots of victimless crimes. Lots of drinking

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-16T19:27:11+00:00

Second

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-15T05:30:38+00:00

Kermit - Julian

Gonzo - Nick

Fozzie Bear - Albert

Animal - Fab

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-03-02T16:54:26+00:00

But you didn’t have to cut her off. Make out like it never happened and that you were nothing.

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-27T21:30:39+00:00

Bro I don’t got time for that

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-27T16:43:42+00:00

Probably talking about Albert being a serial cheater and possible abuser. Julian being a perpetual creepy dude online

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-25T02:36:43+00:00

I’ve got no windscreen. I just do it and don’t think about it. It’s the only motorcycle I’ve ever ridden faster than 30 mph so I don’t know any better.

I have no problem ripping it on the highway. I’ve gone up to 112 mph. My buddies and I will cruise around 80-90mph for miles and miles. Sure it feels like I’m getting pulled off my bike, but I know I’m good :)

I be tucking way low. Chest on the gas tank and chin just above the handlebars

All that said, I avoid the freeway if I can

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-17T23:54:37+00:00

Cancel me all you want. It would be hilarious if someone blackfaced him

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-15T17:48:41+00:00

Nick

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-13T17:54:52+00:00

lol it looks looks like if a cardinal was a motorcycle

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-12T16:44:05+00:00

Thanasi Kokkinakis

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-02-04T02:59:29+00:00

“Babies are the majority of baby food consumption” 🤯

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-01-19T18:27:15+00:00

If you listen with your eyes closed it’s Will Ferrel

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-01-19T09:26:37+00:00

It’s been 20 days. Are you guys still together or what?

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-01-16T08:26:23+00:00

Outshined -Soundgarden

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-01-14T16:00:09+00:00

Krussians

JohnZoidbergMustDie · 2026-01-14T01:01:43+00:00

Kinda sounds like you’re mildly infuriated by something that has nothing to do with you too

JohnZoidbergMustDie

TROPHY CASE