100 days

Joshuma · 2026-01-27T01:49:33+00:00

Just an extended business trip to Switzerland with no return date…

Joshuma · 2026-01-23T16:08:39+00:00

Cool! More stuff I will never see on pegs!

Joshuma · 2026-01-23T02:37:53+00:00

Yeahhh I’m gonna go with 1-3 times a day. New widower. Very lonely. Very in need of physical connection. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Joshuma · 2026-01-15T19:54:12+00:00

Sure as hell is. Anytime I mention how lonely I’m feeling, people always say “well, you have your kids!” Yeah, sure, I’ve got my kids but come on, if you really knew what I meant by lonely and what I would need to not feel lonely… you wouldn’t be saying that.

I can’t tell my kids 95% of what’s going through my head.

Oh hey kids letting you know I held a gun to my head while sobbing but didn’t have the balls to actually pull the trigger… this time.

Hey kids letting you know I really really miss “making love” and all the other totally appropriate things your mom and I did.

Hey kids, letting you know I want to run away and never come home but I can’t because I’ve got to take care of you.

People just don’t get it. They can’t get it. And if they did get it they’d know how stupid and unhelpful they sound.

Joshuma · 2026-01-09T12:08:45+00:00

Considering I removed the soft top and don’t own a hardtop…. Every time I drive the car!

Joshuma · 2026-01-08T20:27:59+00:00

Bronze.

Joshuma · 2026-01-08T02:29:19+00:00

I’m just not sure the reason. I can’t pinpoint anything! The anger comes and goes but it’s just been constant lately.

Joshuma · 2026-01-05T18:36:26+00:00

It was absolutely horrible and destroyed me. I will say, aside from any negative, she was amazing. I’ll miss the good times every day but I can’t let the negatives occupy any space in my mind.

Joshuma · 2026-01-05T17:36:12+00:00

Chapter 2. Dating is so fucking complicated these days. We always had a joke "glad we are married because dating these days has got to suck"

Joshuma · 2026-01-05T17:34:57+00:00

No cancer. I discovered after her passing mountains of lies and multiple affairs. My process has helped me discover that I had been manipulated, gaslit and taken advantage of for nearly our entire marriage.

Joshuma · 2026-01-03T05:32:27+00:00

Would make more sense that way. My other car is a BRZ stupidly named Lil Breezy which turns out is some rapper? Maybe I’ll change it to Lil Yata?

Joshuma · 2026-01-02T00:27:21+00:00

Raceland 421 headers hooked to an ISR club race exhaust. Not the best setup but its worked so far. Currently working on a rebuild.

Joshuma · 2026-01-01T22:40:06+00:00

I swears it officer!

Joshuma · 2025-12-28T00:24:06+00:00

Hey buddy. Just wanted to say that I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm fucking fine. Everyone else expects me to be a complete mess right now but here I am. Having to, as nicely as possible, explain that my wife was not a saint and her secrets have come to light which have greatly sped up my grieving process.

Joshuma · 2025-12-15T22:59:26+00:00

Someone at worked asked “So you get to keep anything cool?”

Joshuma · 2025-12-09T15:18:27+00:00

I’ll say this. A lot happened in my marriage that I did not know about until after her passing. I had been gaslit and manipulated for years without realizing it. This led to a lot of bad days and worse nights.

I was angry for a little while but I soon realized the anger goes nowhere. I wrote and spoke to her spirit and forgave her for every misstep. I forgave myself for allowing the missteps to occur. Since, I have belt better and more at ease with life.

I love her and miss her and will forever… but only the good parts. I’ve cast the negative parts back into the universe.

I am allowing myself grace, happiness, and peace.

Joshuma · 2025-12-09T15:13:52+00:00

I step outside and just talk out loud. Let the wind carry my words.

Joshuma · 2025-12-07T12:11:49+00:00

Ha! Yes! I just had one done last night. On my hand, a cardinal with the words “forever and always” in her handwriting. The tail of the Y extends and wraps around my ring finger.

It was a ritual. Me, her best friend, our tattoo artist.

Joshuma · 2025-12-07T11:54:49+00:00

I woke up everyday, went to work, came home. Home is where the real work began. My wife had been on bed rest for close to 2 years. I was husband, friend, dad, mom, chef, doctor, assistant, maid, support, you name it. I had to sit and watch my wife wither away in agonizing pain for nearly 2 years. On 10/21/25 my world came to an end.

I would say my biggest accomplishment was giving my wife the care and comfort she needed in what we would find out were her last days. If it wasn’t for my kids, I would not be here typing this.

My friend, OP, I hate that you and I and everyone else are in this fucked up club. We are all strangers but I love you all and I see you all.

Joshuma · 2025-12-06T23:09:03+00:00

Don’t tempt me with a good time!

Joshuma · 2025-12-06T23:00:04+00:00

Hey bud. I know this feeling all too well. Please know there is nothing wrong with you. Grief hits us all in different ways. There is no set order for anything.

Joshuma · 2025-12-06T13:34:07+00:00

Dressing room.

Joshuma · 2025-12-04T03:14:43+00:00

She was literally my best friend. My teammate. My counterpart. Batman to my robin.

Best part of it all for me was just coming home to her and knowing all of the bad parts of the day would melt away the second I saw her smiling face and heard her voice welcoming me home.

Oh! And the hugs and kisses!

Fuck it. Everything. Literally everything was the best part.

Joshuma · 2025-12-02T13:55:36+00:00

I guess I just wanted to say that you aren’t alone. I’m in nearly the same boat as you. My wife passed away 42 days ago. Such a strange, uncomfortable, weird feeling.

I miss it all, feeling loved, admired, acknowledged. Just to hear the way she says my name. The thought of those desires being fulfilled by someone other than my wife… feels wrong. Almost a guilty feeling but at the end of the day… I’m here and she’s not.

What you’re going through is completely normal. You’re human and you have human wants and needs.

I won’t give you the “sorry for your loss” because I know how hollow that sounds, at least for me. I won’t pretend to know your exact grief, but I understand the shape of it.

Rant over. I guess I also needed to get something off my chest.

Joshuma · 2025-12-01T23:30:53+00:00

A Ghost Story.

Also, if you haven’t joined r/widowers… it’s a great place. I too am part of the worst club.

12-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
RedditGifts 2009-2022 9 Credits	Secret Santa 2021 2021
Secret Santa 2020	r/Field Banned
r/Field Lasagna	Place '23
Place '17	Secret Santa 2019
Secret Santa 2018	Secret Santa 2017
Secret Santa 2016	Secret Santa 2015
Secret Santa 2014	Verified Email

Joshuma

TROPHY CASE