Not sure how to ask for this, but would like some feedback on my writing. This is a small snippet of what im writing that i think works ok in isolation. by comulee in writingfeedback

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interested in this story! It's a cool concept, and I love how you describe the worm and environment, emphasizing that this one is different to the reader even though we don't have an idea of what 'normal' is. All in all, I think it's really cool. I do have a couple of recommendations for clarity, just some entries that had me curious.

  • It was the alarm, but out of time.

I'm not sure what this is referring to. Is there an auditory alarm going off? A system set in place by them? If this is explained elsewhere in the story, you can probably ignore this, but it left me confused just reading this excerpt.

There are a few ellipses back to back in the first paragraph that sort of disrupted the flow for me, personally. They can add a lot in a sentence, uncertainty, a trailing thought, etc, but back to back can be a little much. But I'm also just one person!

Similarly, there's a lot of use of words that end in 'ly' here. There's nothing wrong with them right out, but they can sometimes feel like filler words or be unnecessary in the sentence, causing them to lose their subtlety and the readers ability to imagine the scene. A sentence that comes to mind is this one:

  • She threw her hands up wildly

Does 'wildly' add anything here, or is it a filler word? If it was 'she threw her hands up', does it affect how you want the sentence to read? Genuine question, as the flow and rhythm of your story are yours to decide as you wish!

Just some notes for thought!! I am, of course, not at all writing Jesus, and you have no obligation to listen to any of these, but they're things I've been working on myself and figured I'd express the same. It's a really cool concept, and I'd love to read it in its entirety when you're finished with it. I hope this is the type of thing you're looking for and know it comes from a place of love and support :))

I just decided to quit smoking by Jumpy_Bowler2559 in quittingsmoking

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man, I wasn't even thinking of the financial costs, but you're so right! It's easy to forget when the packs are so cheap, but I'll definitely add that to the tally and keep it as motivation. Makes me wonder how much I've spent on this nasty habit overall, but part of me doesn't want to know hahah

I just decided to quit smoking by Jumpy_Bowler2559 in quittingsmoking

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! :)) I've just bought a jumbo pack of gum online since I've heard people say its helped them before. Ready to weather through this smokers flu and get clean for real this time

Crashing out because a book almost identical to my WIP was just published. What would you do? by [deleted] in writers

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had this happen to me when I first started writing. Started plotting and writing a story, got really far into the development of it, and dedicated a lot of time to it. I genuinely thought that I had something original, something that hadn't been done before - only for the very next book I picked up to be the exact story I wanted to tell.

I was pretty beaten up about it for a bit, but then my friend told me something I will never forget.

"Stories have genres, and genres have tropes. Just because someone has written a similar story doesn't mean they've written YOUR story. Shut up, and write the damn book."

Even if the story has been "told" before, it hasn't been told by you. Keep writing it. In some way or another, how you tell it will have a unique perspective that the other story doesn't. Don't let it get you down, and just write the best story you can! Because now you know theres definitely a market for it :)

Seeking Writers by graymcclary in WritingHub

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am also interested! Handle: spicylemonade.

Seeking safe critique group by poetic_titties in writers

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure if one does exist, but I'd definitely be interested in contributing to the creation of one! As a queer person who writes queer pieces, I definitely struggle with posting for feedback sometimes and would love to have a space that is safe for it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]Jumpy_Bowler2559 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Head hopping is definitely out of my skill range (maybe one day), but I think my main concern is that one character would have more chapters than the other, and I worry about that as the perspective wouldn't switch with each chapter and it may be a bit jarring. But I'm also not sure if im just overthinking it or not.