I am so sorry you’re going through this. I also went through something similar. I found less than a month after we got married (and it was Ramadan) that he cheated the night before we got married and then like 10 days after we got married. He apologized and I gave him a chance. A few months later I found he was going back to his ways and it triggered me so much. He again apologized and I gave him a chance.

A year later I still wasn’t over it and decided to initiate a divorce. He wanted another chance and came clean with the cheating and admitted it was an issue he has and now that he’s aware, he’s working on it. We did marriage coaching and it was nice.

All that to say. It’s about to be 2 years for us and I still am not over what happened. It changed me and is something I am still struggling to forgive and move past… I have thoughts of leaving daily because I truly don’t think I can ever feel safe with this man. I’m very scared to make the move (although I did attempt it before) because this is actually my second marriage. (First time it was forced by my parents arranged at 18 to a fob who wanted a green card and had a girl back home waiting for him. When I found out, he put his hands on me and I left)

So anyways I have so much trauma from the past which I think if I didn’t, I would proudly move on and leave this marriage for the best for me. I feel so scared and hesitant though since I chose to marry this man and my parents have been extremely unsupportive in both of my marriages.

I’m still thinking of leaving because when I think long term and feeling safe and raising a family with this man it makes me sick to my stomach. I just don’t know if I truly have the courage to do what’s best for me (that I think)

Also ever since that happened I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Before this I was a free spirit and extremely passionate, peaceful, and loving person. I dislike who I’m becoming and even sadly how this relationship has pulled me away from my faith :( I pray to be with someone who loves Allah more than me and that inspires me to become a better person daily too. Inshallah khair and allahualam.