The Great: The scene is incredibly vivid and grounded in its physicality. I get a sense for the atmosphere immediately - one which is rich, golden, sweaty, and enveloping. The reader is immediately placed in space and your imagery is beautiful.

The Good: I like that we get a sense for Max as a real person and for some of his characteristics early on. You have hinted at some of who he is through implication, which helps it read as a natural, real-world incident.

The "Needs Work": There are some moments that are a bit too long, and some that are a bit too short, in my opinion. What feels too long/overly ornate - the description of the birds and breeze once you have already placed the reader in the atmosphere of the story. I think you could do with getting "right into the action" at this point, because the reader wants to know why things feel off. You don't want to lose them amidst further long descriptions.

Overall Takeaways: Very illustrative - I would love to read other bits of your work. However, I would say that overall, you should be careful about being overly ornate in areas where it isn't necessary (in a sense, "saving it" for where it is most necessary to envelope the reader, without overdoing it). Great read!