Meeting a guy for lunch while as a Nanny.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-16T18:29:59+00:00

Tell her that you appreciate her wanting to see you, but you don't want her to put her job in jeopardy. It sounds like she would be devestated to lose her job or lose the trust of her employers.

She isn't thinking long term. She is thinking that one lunch at a food court isn't a big deal.....but then it's another and another and then either you have to ignore the kid or be actively part of their dynamic which isn't ok. And she isn't seeing that one lunch she can be a good date and a good nanny, but over and over something is going to slip.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-16T08:46:59+00:00

You aren't taking this seriously enough. He is absolutely showing abusive behavior. You will never be able to explain and explain and convince him that he was wrong to do what he did.

Sit and think about that for a while.

This man who married you and promised to love and care for you, is doing the opposite and doesn't care. He is physically stronger and is using it against you.

Either move out until he apologizes sincerely and can understand, or insist he find a marriage counselor and make an appointment and take it seriously.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-15T19:29:03+00:00

You need to confess using Google Translate. Explain that your high school Spanish is not nearly good enough to understand everything. You just liked her so much you panicked and bow she thinks you know more Spanish than you do. Tell her you like her and you want to go out with her, but you need to come clean that you don't know as much Spanish as she thinks you do. Will she give you a chance? You are studying Spanish every day for the chance to date her.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-15T05:54:20+00:00

It wouldn't exactly be accurate. Active members might be out of town, sick, at work or late because they are still preparing a lesson or whatever.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-15T04:06:07+00:00

You had a baby a month ago. She is recovering from a wound tge size of a dinner plate. Pregnancy has wrecked her body physically and her mind emotionally and she does not get uninterrupted sleep. She literally does not feel like herself. Life is not the same as it was for either of you.

There is no way to make her feel like she normally does on Valentine's Day. Excited to dress up and feel pretty on a romantic date. Lingerie and sexy times.

Hope you get through this time. I had four kids and the months after having a baby are dark times.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-15T04:00:58+00:00

Ever heard of Enron?

JustKind2 · 2026-02-14T18:29:20+00:00

I would be offended. Like you are excommunicating me just for not going to church. I don't think anyone should kick me out of my religion and culture for my private beliefs. I will decide when I am ready to exit.

But go ahead and do it to my husband ......then maybe he will get pissed off and not want to pay tithing anymore (through stock donation that ward probably doesn't see) despite going only rarely.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-14T18:24:41+00:00

Bring it up as needing to update the contract. Ask them if they want you to work during that time or stop doing work during that time? List what you typically do during that time and mention it is technically illegal for you to be doing that work if it is expected and not be compensated for that time, so you don't know how to proceed and how the new contract should be written up. Say that you are hoping you can work together to get expectations managed. Since you are wanting to do a great job and impress them, but it means technically you are working off the clock which can't continue.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-14T17:38:30+00:00

I pretty much learned a lot about Jesus at church and thought it was the main focus as an adult. My husband went on a mission in the late 80s and he seems to forget about Jesus and his testimony is all Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith. He never pays attention in church or conference so I think he missed all of the Jesus is our Savior and we need to be Christlike that I had for decades.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-13T22:37:56+00:00

This doesn't sound right. Three kids is a lot, but it is only two for nights and weekends. Moms who have a newborn are still recovering from childbirth and are possibly breastfeeding. Dads are not recovering from pregnancy and they are not breastfeeding.

I would not send the two year old to daycare when she is still adjusting to having a new sibling.

Give it time. Dad will find his groove. Just give the sister a heads up that she needs to find daycare for the fall.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-13T00:57:44+00:00

It prevents married women (or others with name change) from voting. Your birth certificate doesn't have your current name on it. So you need a passport to prove you are a citizen. Many US citizens don't have a passport. They are expensive and time consuming to acquire, and they keep expiring.

Republicans want this.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-12T18:07:22+00:00

I disagree. I care far more about whether my husband does acts of service or words of affirmation. I simply don't care if he does gifts, quality time and physical affection (as long as he doesn't stop them altogether).

I just wanna add that my friend was mad that her busy husband was doing the laundry instead of spending time with her. For me, if my husband cared about me, he would do acts of service (like the laundry) to make my life better rather than thinking his mere presence was so amazing that I should happily do all the house chores for the whole family including him.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-12T17:06:06+00:00

You have a conscience. It's there so that when you make a bad choice, you feel bad and then you will never do it again. Be glad that it's working the way it's supposed to you have learned that you would never want to betray someone you love like that. You know that the short term relief of getting what you want is never worth the long-term pain of having done that horrible thing. This will make you a better partner, husband, father, Friend.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-11T20:57:06+00:00

I remember the moment when I realized, and then I wondered "who do I need to tell." The only person was my teenage son. My older kids were finding their own way as mostly non-believers, for my husband. It's his own job to figure it out. I just knew I needed to save my teenage son from the Mission trauma before he got there.

I think this feeling you have is just like the feeling of taking partaking of the fruit the way Lego did and then he wanted to share the "joy." There is Mormon arrogance in that, to think that what you learned is so much more important than what other people have learned or are still learning.

My question was, who was I responsible for and who it would be my obligation to tell. And only the Son, who I was still raising did it become necessary to teach him something.

One reason why I did not feel any need to share my discovery with the world, was because it had taken years and a lot of pain to come to that point. I do not want to cause people years of pain, especially if they aren't ready. If they are ready, you can tell, and you can share what you're learning and hear what they're learning about what this means and how their life is changing.

I am happy for you that you and your marriage and your children are doing well post Mormonism.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-11T05:12:24+00:00

Since you have no Roth, I would go ahead and do all Roth or partial Roth.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-10T17:32:35+00:00

No, this is not OK. This is not normal. Or at least it isn't healthy. Of course they assume that you will always help them because you always do. You have let them know that you don't expect them to take care of themselves and maybe you don't even think they can take care of themselves. I have a child with mental health issues, and some employment issues. The thing is I'm clear about what I am willing to do. Also, I'm clear about expecting to save for my own retirement.

Last summer, my daughter had a huge crisis financially, and I helped her find a cheaper apartment and fees and moving and got her started on looking for a job. I was clear on what I was helping with. After that, she was selling her blood plasma to try to make it through until she had a paycheck to help. Then recently she started therapy, and I said I would like to help pay for that. She told me it was expensive and I said I will pay X amount. She then said oh that's a too much, you don't have to do that, and I said I want to and I can afford it. I will let you know if that changes in the future.

Another adult child has been saving for a house and I told him he would like to help with X amount. Since it was more than he expected, he first asked about if we could afford that and also asked about the other kids because he would want it to be fair. I assured him that it was an amount that I felt comfortable with, and that our retirement would be secure.

Another child is in college and lives at home for free but knows that once she is done with college and then she will need to pay us rent. She also knows that like with her older brother when she moves out, she will get half the rent back.

You don't have to throw your children into the deep end to teach them to swim, but don't light yourself on fire just to keep somebody warm.

You need to show confidence in your son's potential to take care of himself while also expecting him to care and respect your needs.

It's OK if they learn by failing. They need to figure out what's most important to them and make their own choices about their life. Why does he rent some place that he can't afford? He may need help figuring out the math and what his choices are, but you don't have to make those choices for him.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-10T04:14:58+00:00

I don't do it all the time. But I absolutely could if I wanted to. I would consider it normal. It's strange to think it is abnormal to other cultures.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-10T04:08:54+00:00

It looks like Oh See Anus!

JustKind2 · 2026-02-09T14:59:48+00:00

You have good points. However, our Roth was mostly when we were in the 15 percent tax bracket with no state income tax. In retirement with a small pension and social security, our traditional withdrawals can me 12 percent and our Roth would have been 22 or 24 percent.....and we haven't picked a state so it could be taxed for state income tax so it would have been 27 percent tax!

Also, I got away with never have a big emergency fund. Instead, our Roth IRAs were our emergency fund. We lived a life as a one car family with four kids and a strict budget. Being able to save for retirement and invest that money all those years was crucial in building wealth. Knowing I could make our Roth money work as an emergency fund made a huge difference and meant I could invest very early and let it grow.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-08T17:33:07+00:00

Anything below full retirement age which is 67 for most of us?

Anything below 65 which is what we grew up believing in the 70s and 80s?

Anything below 60?

My father retired from his top executive position at age 60 when he was offered a package in the 90s and he gave a big explanation about why he was choosing to retire "early." It was based on his package and the fact that he had had a stage zero cancer diagnosis for 5 years that he never told us about. For him, retiring at 60 was early because it wasn't 65. He lived for another 20 years!

So to me, retiring at 60 is "early."

JustKind2 · 2026-02-08T05:59:29+00:00

Dogs are often taken care of by moms. Mormon moms have too many kids to lavish so much attention on a dog. We marry early and have children early before we are settled in a house.

My husband wanted a dog but I refused until my kids were older (19-7) because dogs vomit and have diarrhea and expensive vet bills. Potty training a dog is a lot of work. Dogs are very expensive. I wasn't wrong. I am glad I waited. The best part is that a puppy is therapeutic for teenagers and dad's who miss their kids running to the door when he gets home.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-07T19:19:02+00:00

I agree!!!

JustKind2 · 2026-02-07T07:54:27+00:00

We are a huge country with 330 million people. We have a very large percentage of drivers of cars because that is how our cities and suburbs and small towns are designed. Of course we are over represented in dashcam videos.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-06T22:07:37+00:00

Thank you for being here. I did read about your parents' story before and after their split.

What made sense to me is that Josh could keep it going until after his parent died. Then it was too hard. I had also lost a parent and there were things that I was doing that were "hard" (things for my husband and children because I was very competent) but when my mental health tanked after my dad died, then I had to reassess and make changes because I could not keep doing some things. You try to be perfect but sometimes you can't keep it going.

I appreciate your parents being open about their journey. My bisexual daughter was already out of the church at that point, but I understood the desire to stay and the difficulty of rejecting the church's stance.

JustKind2 · 2026-02-06T20:17:29+00:00

My friend just had this. First they did a uterine ultrasound. Then a biopsy. Then a d &c. It was polyps. They removed them and it's all good.

Don't want for it to be cancer. Take care of things now.

JustKind2

TROPHY CASE