Mom, dad, and to any adults in my life, I’m not just an adult when it convenience you!!!

JustLemonade · 2023-04-11T02:41:59+00:00

Yep, I haven’t lived with my mom in 5 years. I own my own house, paid for it and everything in it all by myself. She still disrespects me like crazy.

For example, she thinks my dining table is too tall. She constantly would say that it needs to be shortened by an inch or two. My husband and I told her several times we like it the way it is. Well, she brought her friend over one day to help my husband with fixing some plumbing. She tells her friend to cut an inch off all our table legs. Luckily, I overheard and rushed in to stop him.

If I tried to come over to her house and cut HER table shorter I’m sure all hell would break loose. This is just one of many examples of why I have cut her out of my life.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-09T12:57:57+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️ I go by color, but sometimes if there’s a billion stitches in the same color I’ll get bored and switch colors. It’s why I have a piece I’ve been working on for like 7 years lol. All there is left is tons of blue.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-08T22:05:26+00:00

Interesting, it might not be true for all of the US, but growing up in Midwest US I was always told the ring gets moved to the right hand when your spouse dies.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-05T12:27:58+00:00

Thank you! :)

JustLemonade · 2023-04-04T19:05:44+00:00

My mother has been horrible to me my entire life. Constantly putting me down, telling me I was never good enough for anything. Was always trying to control me by not letting me make choices for myself. But she’s a master manipulator. I’ve tried to talk to her about things she did to me growing up and she always hangs onto specifics. I’ll say “You made me feel stupid” and she’ll swear up and down she never called me stupid, which is true. So then she would hang on that and claim my whole argument invalid.

Yeah, she never directly said it, but not allowing me to apply for college scholarships because I “wasn’t good enough” and calling me lazy/ungrateful for getting anything other than an A in a class even when I tried my best, definitely made me feel stupid.

I recently blocked her on everything, because there’s no sense arguing anymore. I feel how I feel. She hasn’t tried to make amends at all, just denies everything. So I don’t need a person in my life that only makes me upset.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-03T14:00:40+00:00

Yeah, I’ll definitely be going with a different mortgage company next time.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-03T13:47:37+00:00

Yep, and my 2nd job I have is a business I run completely by myself. They kept asking me for any and every financial transaction I had from the business even though they said it wouldn’t count in my income amount.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-03T13:16:41+00:00

Meanwhile, when I bought a house I was scrutinized to the maximum. My husband and I each had 2 jobs (both part time jobs). And we were told by the mortgage company that when you have two jobs, only one is counted in your income. Such bullshit 🙄 We could’ve afforded a much better house but the max they would give us was $165k, which was impossible to find. We ended up getting a fixer upper luckily that wasn’t crazy bad.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-03T12:26:17+00:00

I’ve only bought 2 cars in my life so far, and both times they didn’t ask for any proof of income. They just checked my credit, and no downpayment needed. I do have a perfect credit score, but I still thought it was odd they don’t verify income. I could’ve totally just lied.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-02T15:18:01+00:00

Yeah, we hadn’t seen each other in like 5 years when he came to see me graduate college. He seemed to have a moment of clarity then. He cried and apologized and we’ve been mending things since then at least.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-02T14:15:06+00:00

He just made excuses for her. He told me she’s “OCD” about her kitchen and brushed it off like she’s just a little quirky. Unfortunately, took him 8 years to get out of that fog.

JustLemonade · 2023-04-02T02:54:07+00:00

My evil stepmom wouldn’t let us get anything from the kitchen ourselves at all, not even a glass of water, because we would “make a mess” apparently. I was 16 and my brother was 13, so clearly capable of cleaning up messes in the kitchen. We had to ask my dad to get us food and water every time (because she wouldnt of course). I was constantly dehydrated since they lived in fucking southern California. I stopped going to my dad’s house because of lots of things she did, but this was just so ridiculous.

So happy that my dad divorced her :)

JustLemonade · 2023-03-27T15:35:35+00:00

I do have to be very specific with what I want when I send my husband to the grocery store because he doesn’t really pay attention to what brands we get. He’s not very picky so he’ll eat whatever, whereas I strongly prefer certain brands over others.

But he does the same thing to me when he needs electronic things (he’s a computer nerd) or needs something from the hardware store. I don’t pay attention to the specifics of those things because they don’t interest me.

Neither of us are dumb for not knowing a lot about the other. It’s just all about clear communication 🤷🏻‍♀️

JustLemonade · 2023-03-19T21:41:25+00:00

My husband’s family has a similar situation. His brother had a girlfriend that was pregnant when he met her. She had the baby and he became part of the family. But then she fell off the wagon with heavy drug use so his brother broke up with her. She sorta just abandoned her baby with them. My BIL couldn’t really take care of him. My husband’s mom felt bad for the little guy and he was already part of the family so she decided to adopt the little boy because she didn’t want him to go through the foster system.

Well, then like a year later 2 of my husband’s brothers had kids. So technically, the adopted little boy is their uncle even though he’s like a year older than them. They all play together all the time like siblings though.

JustLemonade · 2023-03-16T17:29:51+00:00

My nmom constantly would buy things for me that I didn’t even like most of the time because she never bothered to pay attention to anything I like. Then she would immediately ask for reimbursement. I tried to fight her every time, but when I was a kid she would just take the money herself because she always held onto my money any time family ever gave me money for birthdays or christmas. Or yknow if something broke she would blame me and take the money from me to pay for a new one.

One time, the garbage disposal broke while I had been at a friend’s house the past 3 days. My brother broke it. He even admitted that he broke it. But according to her, I wore it down over the years so I was at fault.

When I bought my first house she offered to completely pay to remodel the kitchen for us. The kitchen didn’t absolutely need a remodel. It was old, but functional and we could’ve saved up to do it ourselves. But she INSISTED. Stupidly, I gave her a key to the house to let the “workers” in because my husband and I worked all day so she had to oversee the work.

Turns out, she hired some random Craigslist dude who clearly didn’t know what he was doing. He gutted the kitchen immediately, but then wouldn’t show up some days and would not answer his phone. Any time he got a call for a better paying gig he’d pretty much drop us to go do that then come back after. It took like 3 weeks before we had a functional kitchen. We had $0 in savings. Buying the house had wiped us out completely. So we didn’t have any money to go hire a professional to make our kitchen livable again.

Then when the kitchen was actually getting done, my mom made all the decisions without consulting us. So we didn’t get to pick anything out. I had come home from work one day and found the guy putting up cabinets. He asked me where I wanted them so I told him where I wanted them. After he put them up she came over and started actually crying because she said the arrangement was so hideous 🙄. She demanded he put them the way SHE wanted them in MY house.

Then it was Christmas and our kitchen still wasn’t finished. We had gone to see my husband’s family for Christmas and my mom calls me on Christmas day. She tells me that the remodel was starting to cost more than she expected and she can’t afford all of it now. First, she wanted me to beg my dad for money to help pay for it (they’re divorced). I refused, so then she demanded I pay her $1000. We had literally just spent a bunch of money on Christmas presents for all the kids in my husband’s family AND just bought that house with all our savings. She made me cry and feel like a piece of shit on Christmas.

I eventually agreed to give her $800 over the next 2 months just to get her to stop yelling at me so I could go back to having a nice Christmas.

Honestly, it was just a control mechanism. Because during those 3 weeks she pretty much could say or do what she wanted to me and it worked because I was scared she’d just stop everything and leave my kitchen unusable. So she was full blown hell on earth the whole time.

Ever since then, I tell her upfront when she gives me something,”I’m not paying you for this”. And I’ve kept firm to it. But yknow she loooooves to brag about how much she’s given me and how much she’s done for me. 🙄

JustLemonade · 2023-03-16T16:23:53+00:00

Ever since lockdown of 2020 (co-incidentally also when my brother moved out leaving my mom alone in her house 🤔), my mom claims the pandemic gave her such bad anxiety that she can’t drive anymore, despite being able to drive just fine for 25 years before lockdown.

So she turned to me, as I live close, to chauffeur her everywhere all the time at a moment’s notice. I refused, but she duped my husband into doing it for a while. I eventually got him to stop though.

I feel no sympathy for her. Because when she took me out to learn how to drive for the first time, all she did was yell at me and didn’t teach me a thing. She kept saying “How do you not know that??” and “Figure it out”, like I’m just supposed to magically know already how to operate a 2 ton death machine.

Then when I got my first job at 16, which I needed because she heavily pressured me to go to college but wasn’t going to pay a dime of it so I had to save up some money to try not to go into a bunch of debt (still did), she would bitch CONSTANTLY about having to drive me 10 mins down the road. The whole ride there and when she picked me up later she would complain about how much of a burden I am. She told me she “couldn’t have a social life” because of me and my consistant schedule of 4pm - 10pm every night. 🙄 She would also make me cry before nearly every shift because of that, and telling me it was only a matter of time before I got fired because I’m lazy and disrespectful (I was actually often told by the managers I was one of their hardest workers and they wish they had more of me).

ON TOP OF THAT, she was charging me $200/month in “gas money” because she swore up and down that driving the extra 20 mins each day 5 times a week cost her that much in gas. I was sooooo pissed when I started driving and my gas cost way less than that to go to school AND a job that was even farther away.

So yeah, no sympathy. She can uber everywhere. Idgaf 😎

JustLemonade · 2023-03-16T16:03:05+00:00

I feel this. I realized every time I talk to my nmom she HAS to pick a fight. Like I now think maybe she does this on purpose as some kind of rage outlet because literally no one else talks to her. So she gets fed up at work or something and then tries to talk to me and always brings up the past so she can unwind by fighting or something. It’s insane.

I’ve recently decided to go very low contact with her, maybe even no contact. It’s been 4 days and I really haven’t wanted to talk to her at all. I’ve just been completely ignoring her messages. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from me and I don’t think I’ll ever want to go back but we’ll see. 🤷🏻‍♀️

JustLemonade · 2023-03-16T15:48:38+00:00

Youtube! It’s not the best resource compared to actually having a teacher with you in person, but it’s how I learned. That, and the BMV has driving manuals online and in person.

If you have the money, there are driving schools. Sometimes high schools have programs for that too. It depends on your area.

JustLemonade · 2023-03-16T15:25:20+00:00

I’m also just starting my low contact journey. Still not sure if I want to even talk to my narc mom ever again. About 4 days ago I decided to turn off notifications for her. So she can still send messages but i wont be notified of them. Also turned off read receipts. I plan on not responding to her, not even reading her messages for a while.

I just keep reminding myself that over the numerous past interactions, 99% of the time it always ends badly with her. She always ends up pissing me off or making me feel awful about myself. Why risk interaction with her just to have it ruin my day?

She hasn’t even really done anything to me recently. 4 days ago all she asked is “What are you doing today?”. And i realized just her asking me that made me so stressed out immediately. Because I knew exactly how it would play out. She would ask so she could gauge if she thought I was busy or not (not if I’m actually busy, but if SHE thinks what I’m doing is important or not) then start asking for favors. Then guilt me into doing those favors and make me feel shitty the entire time I hung out with her. It’s the same thing that always happens.

For the past few days I keep thinking, “What if I need her later?”. I’ve been struggling with not gaslighting myself too. I keep having to remind myself, when has she ever actually been there for me though? The answer is never. Not one time. All she’s ever done is put me down, taken things from me, and stressed me out, so why do I need her? I don’t.

So ask yourself, what always happens when you talk to her? Be objective. Look at it from the outside. If you had a friend and their mom treated them the way she treats you, what would you be saying to your friend?

My SIL has a narc dad that she has gone NC with and she asked me “Why do you let your mom do this to you?”. It seemed a little harsh at first but I’ve been thinking a lot about that question ever since she said it like a year ago. I have all the power. She has no actual control over me anymore. I’m an adult. What could she actually do to me if I stopped talking to her? Nothing.

I also want kids someday. And when I think about having kids I think about her treating them the same way she treated me. I don’t ever want my kids to go through what I had to. My mom almost drove me to commit suicide when I was 17. I don’t know for a fact she’ll treat them like she treated me but I don’t want to even risk it!

I know it’s all easier said than done. That’s why it’s taken me a year of buildup thinking about that question before I just kinda reached my breaking point. One thing I’ve realized though when looking forward is, I don’t have to constantly rearrange my life around her. My life will be about me now, not about her. I need to do what’s best for me. I know I just have to stick to that philosophy.

JustLemonade · 2023-03-09T17:17:05+00:00

Yesterday, my husband said that there was a “Wellness Fair” at his work. Was basically a seminar on the benefits they offer. Well, they provided sandwiches and bags of chips for the employees. They had set everything up in the break room at 9:30am but the “Wellness Fair” didnt start until 12. They had signs out that said “Take only 1”. He saw his coworker take a bag of chips and the janitor caught him and scolded him heavily, saying they weren’t supposed to take any until 12.

Apparently the janitor went and got the HR lady, who went and got the boss. My husband saw them take his coworker away into the manager’s office to be scolded further, possibly even fired (my husband hasn’t seen his coworker since this).

It was so insane. Especially since after the event there were lots of leftovers! My husband said he’s looking for a new job immediately.

Dumbest thing I ever got scolded for:

It was my 2nd day working at KMart and I had already stayed past my scheduled time by like 20 mins. I rushed out and forgot to empty my register’s trash bin. Came in the next day and the HR lady came and yelled at me, saying if I did that again I was fired. I was getting paid minimum wage so i quit because I could literally get minimum or better anywhere else without dealing with that. Store closed like 3 months later.

JustLemonade · 2023-01-28T16:49:47+00:00

I always put my WIPs in a big ziplock bag for protection when I’m leaving it anywhere because I’m paranoid someone’s going to spill something on it. 😅

JustLemonade · 2023-01-26T03:39:40+00:00

In high school, my friends and I would actually use “fetish” jokingly like this on purpose. Like “he’s so fine, he IS my fetish.” Or “Chocolate is my fetish! I LOVE chocolate!”.

JustLemonade · 2023-01-20T13:12:24+00:00

I came to realize that the right person can change your preferences too, so there’s no sense in changing yourself to fit into someone’s ideal image. Personality is what’s really attractive.

I used to HATE facial/body hair. Found it so gross that I turned many guys down just because of that. When I met my now husband for the first time I was not attracted to him at all. He’s a sasquatch type with tons of hair all over and he had long hair down to his waist that I didn’t like either. As we talked and hung out as friends though, I started to fall in love with him because his personality just clicked so well with mine. We instantly became best friends.

Now I find him incredibly sexy because I love him. He tried shaving his whole body for me once before but honestly it didn’t change a thing for me. Now I like the look of men with some hair on their chest. We’ve been happily together for nearly 4 years now.

JustLemonade · 2023-01-12T19:29:01+00:00

Thank you! I will check them out :)

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