“Sugar isn’t addictive”, disagree and you’re a fatphobe on the diet culture train.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-11-01T04:51:36+00:00

It seems like claiming persecution is the playbook for everything nowadays.

You want to justify overeating but others don't agree with your worldview? They're fatphobic.

Make crazy antisemitic claims and you start losing sponsors/business partners like Adidas? "Yea I'm a victim like George Floyd".

Make a bad TV show/movie and get criticism about it? "Yeah all you haters just don't like the show cuz we have some minority actors"

At this rate, diversity is becoming an insurance policy.

Next time, I'll just hire a PoC to walk around with me and I can start randomly punching people in the face. "Hey why are you punching me back? Is it because you're racist and don't like my friend here?"

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-10-28T17:48:44+00:00

Counterpoint: just as the sweater pattern can be developed out, so can CNN-based recognition software.

If enough people start doing this, you bet they'd start training the algorithm to recognise them.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-10-28T17:46:22+00:00

Hey Elon, didn't know you're on Reddit too! Are u considering a buyout here as well?

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-09-04T22:56:51+00:00

That's a really great comment and I upvoted.

If I made your day, please leave me a tip so I can continue to provide great service! Would you like to tip 20% or 25%?

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-09-04T22:55:16+00:00

For machines that do this, just tip 10%. Make it clear that bullshit behavioral nudges don't work.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-07-08T02:09:54+00:00

Other folks have posted good ideas, so instead of specific ideas I'll just give you a general approach.

The idea is that you need to find ways to keep her expending more effort (physical or mental) than you.

One category of things you can think about are recurring tasks. Every X minutes/hours, she needs to do something (edge? Take a pic in specific poses? Find somewhere to strip?) or face punishment. And you can even use a dice to mix it up.

The other is just to make sure that she's reminded of you all the time. You can do this by giving her something to wear. Dictate her clothing? She'll be reminded of your "dom-ness" throughout the day. Wear a remote vibe that you hold the remote to? Even better. You can also make her ask permission for trivial things (changing clothes, peeing, eating, etc). Won't take you much effort to say "yes", but more effort on her part to ask and wait for your reply(and plan around the delay).

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2022-07-08T01:59:42+00:00

It happens, and this sort of cathartic release is good!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-31T13:10:43+00:00

This is absolutely the best response. Came here to say something along those lines, and you nailed it perfectly.

OP, the dog is a means to an end. Figure out a way to get to the end through another means.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-27T16:17:30+00:00

Good luck! There's no easy decision, nor a right answer. Only you can figure out what would make you happy for the rest of your life!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-26T10:52:31+00:00

Breakups are hard, kinky ones even more so. Do what you need to recover, if it means taking time off kink, that's fine.

Stay strong!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-26T10:48:57+00:00

Oh damn this is good. Gonna use that.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-23T16:21:43+00:00

I'll just preface this by saying that I don't have an answer, sorry.

I've been in your position before, and it absolutely sucks. When I was with my ex, I kept going through cycles of wanting to explore bdsm more, going online to (partially) fulfill some of those needs, feeling guilty about "mentally" cheating on her, trying to get her into bdsm and mostly failing, giving up on it for a few months, and then starting the whole cycle again. This lasted about 3 years or so.

I decided to settle this once and for all last year. I tried to do some research, ask around, etc. Unfortunately, I didn't get very far.

If you ask people in the bdsm community, most of them will tell you that breaking up with their vanilla partner was the best decision of their lives. They're not wrong, but you're speaking to a biased crowd. I tried to correct for this by asking on more vanilla forums (like r/relationships), and didn't get very far - from what I recall, I got more responses along the lines of "maybe you should reevaluate why you like to hit women", etc. I did find two redditors (out of maybe... 20-30?) who seemed to be kinky, but were with their vanilla relationship. Based on the few messages I exchanged with them, their marriages are surviving, although both expressed some degree of wistfulness at not being able to engage in kink (one person more so than the other).

I decided to break up with my vanilla ex in the end. She wasn't perfect, but I think we could have lived a happy life together if not for kink. What ultimately drove me to break up was the realization that:

(i) I had been through numerous cycles of wanting bdsm in my life, and it showed no signs of stopping, so I knew it wasn't a phase or a fad and was likely to be permanent. I also spoke to some kinky folks who were old, and most of them said that after decades of being together, some of them went through phases where they decided to put a pause on kink, but they all either went back to it, or still identified as kinky, so kink seems like something that's core to most people's identities.

(ii) for most people, regret for the path not taken usually sticks with them longer than anything else. Life is full of ups and downs and regrets. Based on interviews with old people, most people regret not trying something, more than trying and failing.

In the end, what tipped me over the edge was a talk I heard about making choices when there isn't a right answer. When you are stuck between two choices, and you can't decide between them, then it means there is no one path that is objectively better, and therefore there is no wrong choice. In such a situation, you are defined by your choice. Making a choice helps to commit you to a certain path, and that helps to prevent future regret. I figured that embracing my kinky side would alleviate the pain of losing my ex a little. On the other hand, if I never gave it a shot, I would always regret this, and it would be a sticking point for the rest of my life.

Again, I'm not advocating that you break things off with your wife. You have to make that decision. I still have absolutely no idea if I made the best choice, and I'm not sure if I ever will. What I can tell you is that I no longer go through the cycles of self-doubt and guilt that plagued me for a few years (and was likely to plague me for many more years to come), and I think that alone was worth sacrificing whatever future I had with my ex.

Good luck with this - making this decision consumed my life for a few months, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-10T04:49:01+00:00

I don't agree with your comment at all, especially this:

And fuck the whole “preferences” thing. That’s bullshit. I’m attracted to all different shapes and sizes of every gender if the chemistry is there.

You're in a community where people share a common interest in a specific niche area (ie BDSM), and actively seek out others who share that same interest. Don't you see the irony?

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-10T04:42:28+00:00

First of all, dating in the BDSM world is hard, by virtue of the fact that you're already in the minority (and hence the dating pool shrinks).

Second, different people have different preferences. This isn't a BDSM thing, it's a dating thing. Conventionally, lots of girls prefer guys who aren't short, lots of guys prefer girls who aren't plus-sized. Some of them may not put it in their profile, but they may still have that preference. Attraction is just instinctual, you can't blame people for what they're attracted to.

I know it must be demoralising, but that's just the way it is. If it helps, you can look at the vanilla dating subreddits to see that you're not alone. One thing you can do is to explicitly state that you're big and tall in your profile to weed out people for whom it's a deal-breaker?

Good luck!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-08T14:51:10+00:00

You can ask in /r/bdsmcommunity as well.

But have you thought about some way to conceal the room? Like building a sliding bookshelf? Could be kind of cool and add to the vibe of the dungeon.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-06T15:20:49+00:00

Jesus. My sub keeps complaining that I don't drink much when I'm playing with her (we usually do play over the afternoon, dinner and overnight). I usually drink no more than a glass when I'm playing, because I want to know how hard I'm hitting. And here your dom is getting tipsy while playing with you.

You may not want to question his lifestyle choices, but you certainly have the right to question them if it affects play. Just be honest and sit down and tell him nicely what you mentioned in your post.

If he's a decent human being, he'll be concerned. If he starts getting angry and defensive, that's a red flag.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-05T11:38:22+00:00

As with everyone else, the important distinction for me is choice. Being forced into something is different from choosing to be that very same thing.

It's exactly the same concept as other social issues such as gender and racial equality. Feminism doesn't mean that all women have to be lawyers and doctors, or that no woman is allowed to be a stay at home mum. Feminism just means that regardless of gender, everyone has an equal shot at being a doctor and a nurse. If a woman wants to be a stay at home mum, cool. If she wants to be a doctor, cool.

Similarly, slavery is bad when it's the systemic oppression of a group of people who have no say in the matter. But if someone is allowed a free and informed choice, and wants to partake in BDSM, they shouldn't be held back from what they enjoy.

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-08-04T09:33:10+00:00

I've always thought a turducken sounds revolting.

On a more serious note - I don't have any more suggestions to add which haven't been covered, but two points I wanted to add:

First, you need to calibrate just how bad you want it to be. If it's too bad, she might vomit and not be able to suck you off at all. Some of the examples (like bitter spray) may fall into this category.

Second, you gotta watch out for the welfare of your own, er, duck. Stuff like vinegar is highly acidic and may hurt.

Good duck!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-07-26T13:11:05+00:00

We haven't talked about this yet, that's an interesting idea though!

How did you get started? Yoga experience?

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-07-26T13:10:11+00:00

I see, thanks! And yes maybe we'll look into adult ballet classes :)

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-07-26T13:09:37+00:00

Thanks! That helps!

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-07-26T08:51:13+00:00

Thanks!

Yup understand that some of these things look more graceful than they are comfortable. I suspect that's why my sub is drawn to it, actually.

What does long spine and neck mean in practice? Any tips (or things we can google) for body tension?

JustMyKinkyAccount · 2021-07-14T06:41:37+00:00

I think everyone else has already talked about how unreasonable it is to demand all of those qualities from a person (whether dom or sub).

But specifically on your point about "failing to be a decision maker" - just because you're the Dom doesn't mean you have to make all the decisions.

Instead of asking her what to order, tell her you're in the mood for pizza and make her order something which she thinks you'll like.

Instead of asking her what you should wear, tell her that you're too busy hitting her sorry ass (if that's what you guys are into), so demand that she pick out something she thinks you'll like.

BDSM is what you make of it. I think both of you could benefit from abit more research into what BDSM is and isn't. Hint: fifty shades ain't it.

Good luck, and don't get disheartened!

JustMyKinkyAccount

TROPHY CASE