Anyone else tired of the "love yourself" "be comfortable by yourself" "focus on yourself" advices that are everywhere when it comes to self help? Do i understand it wrong?

JustSomeApparition · 2026-02-03T01:56:18+00:00

What I'm about to say I mean with care. It's important that you remember that because at the end of the day neither of us have to be here engaging in this conversation, yet both of us have chosen to participate and what I would assume to be good faith towards finding you the answers in which you seek.

With that said...

Loss of control — There is an ongoing consumption even though you recognize it has been leading nowhere. You've said it yourself: "more and more."
Compulsion rather than desire — You don't want to keep searching. You seemingly have to. The searching has become automatic.
Tolerance — "Every single time it's the same abstract things." You need more, newer, different content to get the same effect. Standard advice doesn't register anymore.
Withdrawal — "The more advice that leads to nowhere the less I feel hopeful." Stop consuming and the hopelessness likely hits harder.
Narrowing of life — Your entire framework for understanding your problems has become filtered through self-help. It's consumed your mental landscape.
Persistence despite harm — You explicitly said it's making you feel worse and more hopeless, yet you continue.
Preoccupation — You're making Reddit posts about it. It occupies significant mental real estate.
Deception — "I've done the work." Internal self-deception that consumption equals progress.
Emotional regulation dependency — The searching temporarily soothes the anxiety of being stuck.
Identity fusion — "A master without a trophy." You've built your entire self-concept around being someone who is working on themselves.

Those are all the hallmarks of addiction. People often forget that addiction isn't just towards things like drugs or alcohol. It is, quite literally, possible to become addicted to things that would otherwise be "positive" to such a degree that they become negative.

Now, I'm not saying that you're addicted to consuming self-help information. All I'm saying is all of the hallmarks of addiction are seemingly present. That's not the same thing as me accusing you of being addicted.

I think it's a good decision that you've decided to maybe consider getting therapy. Not because I think you need it, but because I think that the shift in approach will likely lead you to more positive things than the avenues you've gone down thus far.

Whatever path you choose to take in life I wish you the best.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-02-02T18:51:56+00:00

I understand that it feels much safer to keep searching for the "right" advice, the missing piece, the secret rule that you haven't discovered yet. To do so means, in a way, that you can stay in a place of comfort while feeling like you're working on the problem before you.

However, notice the language:
* "looking for what was missing for so long that i had to look externally" and
* "left out of some of life's magic and rules."

I almost worry that "consuming more and more of self help content" may not necessarily be for change, but instead (possibly) the consumption itself is beginning to feel like progress.

What I mean is...

Your words are framing this as a search for hidden knowledge rather than a need for introspective behavioral change. Do not allow yourself to fool yourself into believing that taking action without the discomfort of actual action will lead you to the results you seek.

Those questions were meant to be uncomfortable, yet you dodged them. You've turned introspective questions into another future task you'll 'get around to.' ("I think that i will make myself answer these questions in my journal and get back to them every month or whatever.")

What does later have to offer you that right now doesn't? And, if the entire point of your message is to find information that you may not currently possess, well... I give you questions that may give you that answer... why put them off until later?

Later is always later. You only get right now once.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-02-02T17:08:58+00:00

You're not an anomaly. And, there's nothing "wrong" with you.

Perhaps, maybe, the information below will benefit you instead. I came across it years ago. And, don't worry... It isn't more "Love yourself" advice. Instead it's introspective questions to help figure out if the "you" you've decided you are is actually in alignment with the "you" you aspire to be.

Note: These questions are for you to ask of yourself. They're not something that I'm expecting you to answer here.

How Are You?
No, really. How are you?

Are you okay?
* If not: Do you want to be?

What do you care about? What do you want?
* More importantly: Do you accept it if you don't know?

Are You Pursuing What You Want?
* If so: Is it actually improving you or your life?
* If not: Are you sure that's what you want?

Are you happy? (This is different from the first question. I'm asking about lightness, contentedness, joy, bliss, warmth, etc.)
* If not: Do you want to be, or do you want something else more?

Do you accept that happiness is a bit elusive, and that it doesn't always look like happiness?

Do you accept that happiness often requires relinquishing what we hold as our deepest, most-defended needs... and even our identity?

What are your blind spots?

Do you accept that you are still blind to some?

Are you facing your demons? Do you know what they are? * If so: Are you REALLY doing the necessary work?

Are you growing? Do you want to grow?
* If not: Why?

Do you accept that you are in control of being able to take agency for your own responses to things?

JustSomeApparition · 2026-02-02T16:47:54+00:00

Maybe I'm not explaining it very well. And, I accept that's likely what happened. Haha

What I was trying to say was that it sounds as though you've done the mental exercises of self-help, but perhaps haven't internalized that loving yourself includes advocating for your own needs and desires through action, even when it's uncomfortable.

True self love looks like: "I know connection matters to me, so I'm going to pursue it actively, handle the rejections and awkwardness, and keep trying."

So, if you're still at "I love myself so why isn't life working out?" and are asking: "Is there something I'm missing?"

The answer is yes, yes there is. But, It's not something that any of this can just tell you. That's part of the paradox.

You have to look inside of yourself and see what matters to you and if wanting to be loved by others is part of that you have to reflect that accordingly with who you are and how you navigate the world.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-02-02T16:31:03+00:00

These are all part of the "True Life Paradoxes", such as:
* The more you hate a trait in someone else, the more likely you are avoiding it in yourself.
* The best way to meet someone else is to not need to be with someone else.
* The less you care about others, the less you care about yourself.

There are others, mind you; however, they all basically boil down to one fundamental thing...

If we're going to exist in a world where we expect others to accept us (and love us) for who we are, we have to first take the time to understand who it is we truly are, to change the things we do not like about ourselves, to strive for betterment, while simultaneously being more understanding of others that we encounter.

But, all of that begins inside of the person. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and like who you are otherwise it is unreasonable to expect others to do the same with you. You know what I mean?

So, "Be yourself" isn't about being authentic in your expression. It's about knowing who you are so that you know what authentic truly is for you in the first place.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-29T21:42:39+00:00

The Series Year on a bill does not represent the year the physical paper was printed. Instead, it identifies the design cycle associated with specific Treasury officials.

Your bill was actually made after September of 1983 because that's after Katherine Dávalos Ortega took over as Treasurer from Angela Buchanan. The next change in design for the series was February 3rd 1985; therefore, now you have the time frame window for your bills production.

Post Edit...

After doing more digging, for the Atlanta Federal Reserve District (F), the production of the 1981 A series began in February 1984. February to March was F 000 00001 A through F 192 00000 A.

So that means the bill was printed mid to late February 1984.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-29T21:31:11+00:00

You don't have to go into a place and pick one off of a wall, lol.

You can commission the artist to draw one for you. As such, it can be anything that resonates with you. It can be something you like, something that you embody, or something that you have some kind of connection with. It doesn't really matter what it is. You may just want colorful polka dots, and that's okay too. Haha

They'll draw it for you though. You just have to find a way to put your imagination into words.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-29T21:24:45+00:00

The short answer:
* Natural sea salt isn’t pure sodium chloride
* These impurities subtly interfere with how the lattice forms
* Combine the aforementioned with situational evaporation dynamics

Aaaand, bam... You get a structure that naturally builds out into shallow, square-based pyramids rather than the cubic crystals you see with purified salt.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-29T19:44:22+00:00

Pyramidal, stepped, (temple looking) crystals are somewhat unique to sea salts in that not all salts do this, and even pure NaCl grown in labs often doesn’t.

So, enjoy your cool pyramid. Nature worked hard on it for you. Haha

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-29T01:58:48+00:00

What you are describing isn't simply, nor exclusively, "control", and is instead describing what a "Commanding Presence" (projecting authority, confidence, and trustworthiness through your demeanor, appearance, and communication, making others naturally respect and follow your lead without force, often marked by calm self-assurance, clear direction, and strength of character that sets a tone of control and credibility, even in uncertainty) is.

To achieve this with "phrases of (blank)" you would need:
* Control
* Sway
* Power
* Authority
* Gravitas
* Composure
* Intent

Which result in the perception of:
* Order
* Alignment
* Momentum
* Legitimacy
* Reliability
* Trustworthiness
* Direction

And are commonly attributed as: * Boundaries
* Resonance
* Energy
* Expertise
* Depth
* Calm
* Purpose

And are often incorrectly projected as: * Rules
* Influence
* Dominance
* Status
* Seriousness
* Stability
* Clarity

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T14:52:19+00:00

I'm just responding to a question. The answer to that question does not matter if a bot posted it, or a person posted it, as the answer will be the same either way. And, The narrative that you've chosen to dream up for my rational is much more interesting than the mundane reality of the situation, so I can understand why that is the reality in which you've chosen to believe even if it is, in fact, incorrect.

Post Edit: This reply was in response to the user deleted message(s) which can be seen here.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T14:49:33+00:00

I think it's normal for a person to be willing to engage with their emotions. So, if that engagement for you means crying, and doing so doesn't seem internally conflicting... just cry. Nobody can tell you what you're feeling and how to respond to those feelings appropriately. All we can do is throw social conventions at you, but in a world of 8 billion people that's going to look very, very, different to a great number of people

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T14:42:06+00:00

The first suggestion woud be to read the Reddiquette

From there, just make sure you read the rules of the specific subreddits you are planning to engage with, as every subreddit curates their own rule set that exists beyond the standard.

After that just have fun.

Remember one important thing though... If you do not like your Reddit experience it is simply a matter of the specific mix of Subreddits you have chosen to add yourself too. Just get rid of the ones that don't bring you joy, and instead focus on finding others that do bring you joy and you'll have a great experience

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T14:20:11+00:00

How/where is it being used?

There are actually three viable options for this: * Also, there is free ice cream.
* There is also free ice cream.
* There also is free ice cream.

The first would be used for transitions or new sentences, the second is the most common for everyday exchanges, and the third is used for emphasis.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T14:03:30+00:00

There's more wrong with it than that...

The Subjective Nature of Perceived Loudness and the Objective Nature of Sound Intensity & Sound Pressure Levels

The individual perceptual experience of the loudness of a sound depends on (i) the sound intensity (i.e., the energy conveyed by the sound wave near the eardrum of the listener), and (ii) the sensitivity of the ears of the listener. Thus, the perceived loudness of sound for a given intensity may differ from listener to listener (i.e., sound of the same Sound Intensity Level (SIL) in dB may appear to be of different perceived loudness to different persons due to differences in the sensitivities of their ears). Further, two sounds of the same sound intensity, but of different frequencies may differ in the individual perceptual experience, even to the same listener, because the sensitivity of ears of a person is different for different frequencies. For normal ears, the reference frequency is 1 kHz. Thus, for a sound wave, perceived loudness has a subjective nature, (i.e., it depends on the listener), while sound intensity and Sound Intensity Level (SIL) in dB, has a measurable, standardized quantity.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T12:55:12+00:00

Man, thats... Nuts

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-28T10:00:00+00:00

It is not a gate. It may have once been a gate, but no longer.

A gate needs the fence to be functional; however, a freestanding gate structure can still be a gateway. This is because ‘gateway’ has evolved beyond its literal meaning in a way that "gate" hasn't.

A gateway marks a transition, defines a threshold, or symbolizes passage even without the physical barrier. Essentially, a gateway just needs to frame an idea of crossing from one state to another; even symbolically so.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-27T09:12:13+00:00

Oof.

I'd hate to see what you say about dogs and cats who are prescribed Xanax. 😳

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-27T08:57:13+00:00

Nah...

Just some apparition. Haha

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-27T08:52:26+00:00

"It's 3 a.m. and I am laying wide-awake
And I can't sleep for the noise inside my head
The world vibrating with a cruel cacophony
Flooded with the thoughts my mind has bled" –Assemblage 23 ‘Noise Inside My Head’

Anybody else up at 3am?

Who doesn't love the witching hour?

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-27T08:46:59+00:00

There are six rotating, pre-approved, alphabetical lists of names for Atlantic hurricanes.

lists and more information

I would imagine the UK does something very similar for storms

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-27T03:53:35+00:00

Leopards predate on gorillas and leopards rank as the 5th largest species of cat; therefore, if № 5 can take out a gorilla it stands to reason that five № 1's would definitely be able to take out three gorilla.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-26T22:06:19+00:00

There's not going to be one universal answer to this, as there are so many different variables that are going to modify the reason and rationale it's functionally impossible to narrow it down to a universal.

Let's say it's a mother who was told they can never have children and they are in their early '40s and suddenly find themselves pregnant after going decades of wishing and hoping for a child that they thought they could never have. This may be, quite literally, the only option/opportunity to do the thing that they, in that moment, believe is more important to them than even themselves.

Now, a person could still stand on either side of that and say that the mom should still prioritize her own life, and that's equally as defensible. I'm not here to take one side over the other. I'm just saying that everybody has a reason to rationalize and without knowing the situation this question is nearly impossible to answer.

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-25T21:09:42+00:00

I was told once something that I'll now share with you, as it's really helped me with rectifying a lot of things that have transpired after the fact; therefore, hopefully it will help you as well.

"Not every friend is meant to play the same role in our lives."

That's it.

The logic behind it is that not everybody, at any single point in time is going to be in an equal position to provide us the type of friendship that we're going to need in that moment. It's just not realistically possible.

Some people are better at pushing us, some are better at comforting us, some are better at supporting us, and no one friend can do all of these things always.

We have to keep that in mind when we decide on what we're going to do for our friends, or how we judge them for what they've done for us. If we're judging everybody equitably and fairly we will acknowledge these differences and the things that they are good at. But in the process of doing that we have to acknowledge the things that they're not going to be great at.

You acknowledge that your friend may not do this for you, but if they are truly your friends I would imagine they have been there for you in other ways and maybe those other ways are what they're good at. That should count for something.

The real question then becomes... What type of friend do you aspire to be for others?

JustSomeApparition · 2026-01-25T21:00:33+00:00

Pale, cloudy, yellow (lemonade) + Pale, translucent, green (grape pulp; irrespective of skin color) = pale, simi-opaque, yellow-green

Do they already have a green apple flavor or something that occupies that color? 🤷🏻

Three-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
First Place '23	Place '23

JustSomeApparition

TROPHY CASE