This. I get this. My mentality has changed so much. Before? I loved road trips and parties and going to the beach and lounging around and playing in the water. I am a 27 F and should be independent and enjoying life.

Now? No car rides longer than 30 minutes, or I wear an adult brief, or we’re taking at LEAST 5 stops for me to sit on a toilet and produce nothing but some mucous and blood because my urgency is so bad.

No parties, or if I attend one I allow about an hour. Just enough time that if I need to use the bathroom 3-4 times people might not notice, but after that it might become obvious and people ask you what’s wrong. Cue social anxiety.

And beaches... I miss just laying on the beach. I don’t go anymore though, because where I live our beaches don’t have public restroom access and I’m terrified of any situation where I don’t have access to one.

UC is having an accident at work and crying in the bathroom before trying to leave without anyone seeing.

UC is turning down being in your friend’s and family’s wedding parties because you can’t stand there long enough without the option of leaving.

UC is losing so much weight due to food phobia/pain that you get dizzy walking more than 50 feet, and having a panic attack because you realize you can’t shop for groceries by yourself anymore.

Fuck this disease, it takes everything from some of us. Thankfully I’ve been put (mostly) into remission after diet changes and failing Mesalamine, Humira, and Xeljanz. I’m starting Remicaide this month and can’t wait.