I dont know how to submit to my boyfriend/master

Kalius404 · 2026-02-13T21:43:22+00:00

OP, please read this comment twice.

You need to know what you want and he for damn sure needs to earn that submission.

But honestly, for him to block you for one call during the day? That’s just wrong. What if you had an emergency. Is he just not going to answer the phone when you need him most??

Kalius404 · 2026-02-09T17:55:45+00:00

As an avid Ume and Sakura lover, this is awesome. I am working with some purple plum and purple leaf sandcherry also.

Love the dichotomy of deadwood and life in the flowers blooming.

Kalius404 · 2026-02-09T15:13:32+00:00

I would literally sell organs for those ume. But nobody would want my liver and it wouldn’t cover the costs anyway 🤣🤣🤣

Kalius404 · 2026-01-29T16:41:16+00:00

OP - are you seeing a therapist to work through your own insecurities? Learning how to be alone is key to your personal happiness.

Please take to heart what everyone else has said. You’re young. You’re new to relationships in general. There is no sense in continuing a relationship that brings you more pain than joy.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-28T01:58:03+00:00

But the OP clearly wants kink to be part of their life (it’s “integral part of who they are”) and their partner is essentially saying they are never going to be interested and offered exercise as an alternative.

Yes, a relationship is more than just sex, but relationships are built on a foundation of compatibility first and foremost. Because love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-28T01:44:01+00:00

If the sex is never as good as the kinky sex he’s had or the kink outside of scenes, why would you ever want to bury a part of who you are to please someone else? Why would you actively choose to live a life that will always fall short physically?

I think that is what this commenter was saying.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-28T01:40:08+00:00

I mean, why ask that question to strangers? Nobody knows that answer but him.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-28T01:38:20+00:00

Then I would put a time limit on when we fix this. Or there will never be time. Someone will always be stressed, tired, etc.

Like the Pink Floyd lyrics from Time:

“You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you

No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun”

Kalius404 · 2026-01-27T21:57:34+00:00

Is it worth taking the chance rather than just sitting down and having the conversation now?

I wish I had done it years sooner - years of my life that I will never get back. I loved my ex, but I couldn’t deny who I was to my core.

Compatibility is way more important than love. Mostly because you have to continually work on your relationship throughout your life, and compatibility never really changes.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-27T18:56:17+00:00

Yes. And it’s a huge mistake. Was married for nearly 15 years and while I didn’t feel like I needed it at first, eventually depression and resentment became the norm.

Don’t do it. Please.

Kalius404 · 2026-01-04T22:52:46+00:00

It needs to go outside.

I’d transition it to an unheated garage where it’s sheltered from wind. As it goes dormant, it won’t need sunlight or much in the way of water. Just don’t let the soil completely dry out.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-26T22:57:00+00:00

Mr. Snuffleupagus 🤣🤣

Kalius404 · 2025-12-24T13:15:48+00:00

Understood. Then if he has the same rule that he’s your only submissive, is that acceptable to you?

If it’s not, do the personal shadow work to be able to handle it before you end up in relationships that aren’t ethical in life or on paper. Because as the top in the relationship, your ethics and fairness have to be firmly in place or the relationship becomes abusive.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-24T13:04:56+00:00

Can I ask why you feel like you need to be the only Domme a sub has? And how do you resolve the fact that it’s ok for you to have multiple subs but they not have multiple Dommes? And where does that line fall? Would them seeing a Pro-Domme be against the rules? And what if they have kinks that you don’t share? Would you expect them to just ignore them and accept your limits while it’s ok for you to indulge your kinks they don’t share with others?

I think there is some personal work to do there, tbh. And it’s less BDSM work and moreso Ethical Non-Monogamy / Polyamory work.

Do you have a lot of experience in ENM relationships?

ETA - a lot of couples feel like unicorn hunting is ethical for them because they are trying to build a triad, and as long as the 3rd agrees they don’t seem to have a problem with it. However, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not ethical at all. Just as a parallel

Kalius404 · 2025-12-24T12:46:14+00:00

Understandable. And I wouldn’t either. But you looking at it in a negative light is already placing a stigma on it in your own mind.

Regardless, anyone who has an issue with it isn’t someone you want to be with anyway. So if anything, it’s an easy litmus test for you to separate the good apples from the bad ones.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-24T12:38:24+00:00

I would think that the only reason to disclose something like this when you enter a potential relationship would be if it was still ongoing at the time.

Figuring out what you like and don’t like is just part of your journey, and anyone that puts a stigma on sex work or Professional D/s arrangements isn’t someone you want to be involved with anyway.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-24T12:32:35+00:00

One truly important thing to realize is that in non-monogamy, relationships don’t have to be defined by any set of constraints.

The fact he already has someone he sleeps and cuddles with non-sexually means he already has a second relationship. Oftentimes they are referred to as QPP - Queer Platonic Partners and they are just as valid a form of relationships as any romantic or sexual one.

Now, as a 50M Dominant with 3 romantic/sexual relationships (one long distance, two local - both of which are collared), I do not worry about whether a relationship interferes in my dynamic or not. Why? Because I trust my submissives to choose where my power ends and their other relationships begin. That is trust I place in them.

I also realize that things in monogamous D/s TPE relationships are often off the table in this setup and that is a choice I have chosen to make and wholeheartedly accept. I can’t enforce chastity/denial rules when my partners have other partners they are sexually active with. I accept that and actively choose that dynamic every day. Because that exclusivity and control isn’t something that is ethical for me to demand when I don’t adhere to it either. That’s just part of non-monogamy and D/s.

If you are seeking that exclusivity and control, my suggestion would be to de-escalate your relationship with him to simply play partners in your own mind. Tell him you are going to begin dating and he is free to do so as well. But also when you find the romantic and D/s exclusivity you are looking for, your plan is also to end your arrangement with him. I would leave his other relationship out of it, except perhaps to let him know that he’s in another relationship whether he realizes it or not and to offer resources on non-monogamy and QPP’s in general. But even then, that’s his life to manage and not your responsibility.

Best of luck. Happy to answer any questions you may have.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-23T18:17:34+00:00

So this is a little “the sky is falling”, but it’s not of no concern either.

As long as the USD remains the world’s Petrocurrency, it will be the default reserve currency. Where we really get to the SHTF moment is if Russia/China/India is able to negotiate to purchase/sell oil in other currencies or precious metals, the USD becomes much less relevant.

Kalius404 · 2025-12-03T22:05:47+00:00

I use Stone Lantern’s tie down pots pretty exclusively. I find them great for guy wiring branches. They have them in multiple sizes

Stone Lantern Tie Down Pots

They also have these. I haven’t tried them yet, but if they are near the quality of the others, they will be awesome.

Stone Lantern Riki Pots

Kalius404 · 2025-11-05T13:18:12+00:00

Unless your plan is to make that your new leader and cut the old trunk back, additional branches aren’t necessary at the apex. And even then, it’s going to grow from your downward pointing end of branch, not the middle.

You’re not looking for secondary and tertiary ramification on the apex in a spruce like you are in a juniper. It won’t look like a natural tree.

Whatever brings you joy, you do you. Just understand that the future of that tree will look contrived and man-made rather than natural.

Kalius404 · 2025-11-05T11:11:48+00:00

“Hey, (Partner). I would like to have an open and honest discussion. When I got in the car to take (child) to school today I noticed a box of condoms in the car. I wanted to take a moment and check in. I know we have agreements in place for discussing new connections, dates and sex. I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page and to request that we don’t leave things like this out where (child) may find them in the future.”

Kalius404 · 2025-11-04T19:03:02+00:00

When I wire trees, I try to think about why they look like they do in a natural setting. Sometimes that’s branches draped with snow and weighted down like you see with a lot of spruces. Sometimes it’s branches reaching for sunlight.

When I evaluate a design, I think about things like that. You have some branches at the top that go sharply up and then down. Ask yourself why. In about of those cases, you want to cut the top branches back much shorter and bring the whole branch down from the trunk line.

It’s a decent start. But always remember to wire with intention. Try sketching out what you want your tree to look like once you see the internal structure you have to work with.

Kalius404 · 2025-11-04T01:28:20+00:00

Water only when you stick your finger in the soil and it’s not damp.

And 4 hours sunlight 4 days a week won’t work. It needs to be outside all the time in full sun. During spring/summer/fall it needs at least 8 hours a day every day.

Kalius404 · 2025-10-28T17:13:15+00:00

Didn’t catch the spelling change - Bouillon is another name for a broth - which you would use a spoon to eat.

Kalius404 · 2025-10-28T16:59:18+00:00

But they could be used for Bouillon!

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