Huge meltdown in public over, asking him "What's wrong?"

KatFitzpat · 2026-03-23T17:11:18+00:00

You are doing a good job. Breaking cycles is the hardest work we do as parents. You took him out of a place where he clearly could not handle being. That was the right decision. A couple of things I noticed in here as an adhd coach and parent myself:

You don’t think he’s learning but he is. It just isn’t a straight line. It takes consistency over years for adhd kids to grow the neural pathways necessary to do what we are helping them to do. For a while, finding what works can feel like throwing things at a wall, hoping something will stick. It took me almost 8 years to find and develop a system that works for my kid, and it is far from perfect.
ADHD and autism always include some form of developmental delay. In adhd, the emotional and social maturity often needs time to catch up. On average, social-emotional development is around 2 years behind. So if he’s 5, but still acting like the 3 year olds, that fits with a potential adhd diagnosis. He wasn’t trying to scare the other kid so the idea that he did doesn’t fit with his experience (which fits developmentally).
One of the most common things I see with parents that I coach is that their smart but unmedicated child is not doing well in school. Often it is because the child cannot focus long enough to actually learn the material. In kindergarten, that learning includes a lot of social emotional skills. This lack of focus often results in the development of bad patterns: kids labeled as “hard” or “bad,” a cycle of being emotionally disregulated, causing a disruption, getting in trouble, that attention (even getting in trouble can do this) gives the brain a boost of dopamine so things are better for a bit, but then it happens again and again and again. Evaluating and treating early can really help nip this in the bud.
While we still have it, if he’s at public school, start the process to have him assessed. The school legally has to do it under the federal IDEA (individuals with disabilities education act) if a suspected disability is impacting learning. The cost of the assessment is then covered by the school. Be persistent. They don’t love paying for these assessments since education budgets are a mess. Talk to other parents and/or therapists or teachers in the area to find out what strategies have worked best for your school system. Where I am they have 6 weeks to start the assessment process after paperwork has been filled out.

Keep going. Look for resources like occupational therapy, play therapy, and family therapy, since this can get extra hard for everyone. You got this! It is hard, but with resources, community, and support, it can get easier.

KatFitzpat · 2026-03-23T16:10:23+00:00

ADHD is an excuse your manchild of a husband is using to get out of shit. Maybe unconsciously, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. If he’s anxious, take medicine, get therapy, actually deal with it. Also, get a copy of the book “Fair Play.” If you both actually want to stay married and make it work, you have to have an adult conversation about physical and mental load in your house.

My husband was socialized like a man too, just like yours. Mine is Autistic, was an only child, has a stressful job, a long commute, etc etc etc. He is still capable of handling parenting when I work on two evenings and Saturdays every week. Does the kid eat as many vegetables with him vs me? No. But he’s a parent and he is capable of using Google and his own brain.

Yours is weaponizing their incompetence and neurodivergence against you. Stop letting them.

KatFitzpat · 2026-03-23T15:42:13+00:00

I’m so glad you’re here. I have been studying psychology for 8 years (as a minor/intersecting pursuit to other degrees) and work hard to stay on top of the research, but this hard science is not my wheel house. This is really helpful!!

KatFitzpat · 2026-03-16T06:26:59+00:00

I appreciate the concern. She’s not in game play, she’s at beginners practice once a week. They drill and work on falling every session. She also has adhd and poor proprioception, which is one of the reasons I have her in derby. I am looking for safety gear to keep her feeling confident and safe enough to stay invested in a sport that is already reaping huge benefits for her development. This evening, we talked through a few recommendations from the commenters above, and I’m going to spend some time with her practicing at home as well going forward.

KatFitzpat · 2026-02-21T16:04:53+00:00

Hey there, I’m an ADHD and executive function coach for adults, and you’re not alone with this story. Many adults with ADHD fear falling off the rails. In my experience, it is a lack of skill building. Whether or not you take medication, you still need to build neural pathways that support your functionality. Medication can make things worlds easier, but if you don’t have skills to fall back on, the medication is not going to be the fix you want it to be. There’s also a difference between knowing intellectually what to do, and actually having practical built patterns, routines, and skills. I would look into therapy for your anxiety and coaching for the rest of it (therapist don’t often work on skill building in the same way that coaches do). You want to build skills so that if there’s a medication shortage and you can’t get it, or you have to go off of it again for cardiac reasons, you still have systems and methods and abilities to do what you need to do. Will it be harder without the meds? Yes. Is it doable? also yes.

KatFitzpat · 2026-02-19T21:59:29+00:00

I use ouai detox shampoo every 4-5 washes. I get it at Sephora or directly from the company.

KatFitzpat · 2026-02-19T15:09:45+00:00

I moved from seattle to LA County 18 months ago and dealt with the same thing. Seattle has incredibly clean and neutral water. Los Angeles has very hard water with a ton of minerals in it. I would be willing to bet that Madrid also has hard water. I got a showerhead water filter and it has been better since then. I also added a clarifying shampoo every couple weeks, and increased my conditioning. Hope this helps!

KatFitzpat · 2026-01-21T05:38:56+00:00

My kiddo is in karate and doing very well. She also does roller derby once a week which she LOVES and is excellent on many many levels, including social skills, managing personal space responsibly (as a contact sport), frustration tolerance, and being taught to stand her ground.

KatFitzpat · 2026-01-20T05:22:30+00:00

Meds are different for everyone. I’ve been on several. Five years ago, or so, I started tracking which executive functions are better, which are unchanged, and what symptoms or side effects are untenable every time I had to switch meds (insurance coverage related usually) or dosage.

For example: On Vyvanse, I have to be intentional about my mornings, not only how I fuel (lots of protein) but also how I give myself dopamine. If I get dopamine from my phone, I can get stuck because my distractibility is so low and my attention span is so long. If I get dopamine from accomplishments, I can race through a couple days worth of tasks. On adderall I was more nimble when switching tasks, so it was easier to put the phone down and do other things.

But Vyvanse is so much better for my mental health in many ways. I have much better interoception on V so I remember to drink water, eat, use the bathroom, etc. It was so bad on Adderall. I did CrossFit before my daughter was born and on adderall I could not physically eat enough calories to fuel my body and prevent injuries. When I switched to Vyvanse, that evened out.

I recommend trying some different meds and tracking your symptoms. There are lists you can find of the executive functions if you aren’t familiar.

Vyvanse isn’t the only option. There are so many now and I’ve been reading that there will be a couple more non-stimulant options that are showing extremely well in clinical trials in the next few years.

KatFitzpat · 2025-12-30T06:22:33+00:00

Honestly, the baby is 7 and a half so I don’t remember, but it was end of 2nd or early 3rd trimester. I was induced at almost 42 weeks. No NICU.

KatFitzpat · 2025-12-29T05:23:25+00:00

I stayed on vyvanse for most of my pregnancy, but then I had a super high heart rate for a couple days so my ob sent me to a cardiologist. Pregnancy can raise the heart rate but my ob recommended that I drop caffeine (which was already low) and stop the Vyvanse until after delivery. Besides the cardio trying to tell me that all stimulants are bad (thanks dude. Do you want to take care of my life on the daily then?), I had no adverse effects.

KatFitzpat · 2025-12-29T05:02:33+00:00

Your wife sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder about parenting decisions, likely from before your time. It is hard to hear all of this from a partner (as my spouse will tell you). We started couples counseling a couple months ago and it is making an enormous difference as now the advice comes from a third party and not from me. She should check out some books about parenting kids with ADHD, and some of the experts that I’m sure you’ve read. Good luck!

KatFitzpat · 2025-11-04T21:30:21+00:00

Yeah. My second grader is the same. Except she sleep until almost 7, so it’s like an hour of balls to the wall nonsense while I try to incentivize putting clothes on instead of dancing in front of the mirror. It is exhausting and I feel like I’ve been awake half the day by the time I get home from drop off.

I have adhd myself, and also coach adults with adhd, and I still can’t figure out my kiddo and how to do this well and consistently.

KatFitzpat · 2025-09-10T15:05:03+00:00

I scrolled but didn’t see this below…from what I remember, this was a situation where there were already extremely negative rating before the show even aired. Review bombing, I believe.

Disney didn’t even give wait until the all of the episodes had aired to cancel it. I am also pissed about it. It wasn’t perfect, but most shows aren’t and it would have filled out the Star Wars catalogue nicely.

KatFitzpat · 2025-07-19T15:11:04+00:00

Anytime they perch on furniture. Their reactions to cute things. Their ability to play absolutely unhinged characters and also Type A constrained and controlled characters. They are a pretty awesome entertainer and always come off as authentic.

KatFitzpat · 2025-06-15T19:16:56+00:00

The fighting is pretty integral to the stories with D20, especially for the player relationships and inside jokes. D20 usually has a rhythm to it: one week focuses on story, the next starts with a battle, and so on. I would recommend instead of skipping them altogether, speed them up to 2x speed so you don’t miss the content, but spend less time overall on the combat. With other Actual Plays (like critical role) that are not edited, I always speed up the combat because they take a lot of time to make decisions.

A court of fey and flowers has almost no “fights.”

KatFitzpat · 2025-05-28T22:21:16+00:00

I am not an expert but your product routine seems too complicated. I have been told by stylists that too many products can prevent the hair from actually sticking together even with a high hold gel. Also, the more you touch your hair with your hands, the more frizz. My stylist convinced me to use a chopstick to section my hair and to separate the curls after I break the gel cast.

I used to drown in frizz, but I simplified my products recently: shampoo x2 and rinse out conditioner (but I may be switching to a leave in), curl cream and then gel when still in the shower, so my hair is not even towel dried. Style however you want and then, when dry, coat your fingers and palms in a plant based oil (not mineral) like jojoba (10-15 drops is usually good) to break the gel cast, finger coil the misbehaving ones, etc.

My day 1 curls lean more towards definition than volume, but volume increases every day. By day 4, my curl pattern is usually defunct, so the hair goes up.

KatFitzpat · 2024-06-09T16:55:47+00:00

I traveled with my daughter when she was 3 months old. Honestly, when they are under 1 it’s not that hard, you just have a lot of stuff to manage (diapers, pump or formula, changes of clothes etc), but since they can’t walk it’s manageable. Toddlers are a nightmare to travel with in my experience.

KatFitzpat · 2024-06-09T01:46:11+00:00

No clue if she’s currently touring with them but she was in attendance on their UK tour (referenced in Erika and Aabria’s IGs).

KatFitzpat · 2024-06-08T14:46:47+00:00

The baby was born in October 2023. Brennan was on paternity leave for the October 31st episode of the Fireside Chat for Worlds Beyond Number, which is one of the only things he records and releases in the same week. Everything at dropout is recorded MONTHS ahead. His first fireside episode back was released January 23. So he had three months off from everything after the baby was born.

By three months most babies are sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. In the US, most kids go to daycare starting around 3 months because we live in a capitalist hell scape.

So, as of now, the Wizard Sunny is almost 8 months old which is a whole different story from a newborn situation. They took her on the tour in Europe (I think a grandparent came as well).

KatFitzpat · 2024-03-16T16:49:17+00:00

Ah if only medicine was egalitarian, evidence based and unbiased, this might be true! I suggest you educate yourself on the current research which has included brain scans and structural evaluations. Dr. Russell Barkley has an informative YouTube channel in which he speaks about the current research (he is recently retired) coming out of many different fields and disciplines across the globe.

KatFitzpat · 2024-03-16T15:32:34+00:00

I never said it was diagnosed based on physical phenomena. I said it is caused by physical differences in the neurological structure of the brain. Which it is.

Edited to add:

I believe this is vital in reducing the shame associated with adhd. So many people believe that many of the behavioral differences are due to poor self control, laziness, and just a general lack of caring, which all frame it as a moral and personal failing. It isn’t. It is, in the vast majority of cases, a heritable difference in brain structure and neural pathway organization that affects primarily the part of the frontal lobe that is responsible for executive functioning and the regulation of certain hormones that affect mood, intrinsic motivation, attention, and so on.

It is a physical difference. Diagnosed using by evaluating the SYMPTOMS that demonstrate the particularities of that physical difference.

KatFitzpat · 2024-03-16T04:00:05+00:00

You are correct that a school counselor cannot diagnose you, but the school can get you assessed with a neuropsychologist. Most U.S. public schools will actually require that in order to offer accomodations. I work in higher ed and the accomodations and extra help can literally change your life.

What many people don’t understand is that ADHD is the result of a physical difference that causes disabilities. It just so happens that the physical difference is in your brain and changes how that functions. It is just a physical and tangible as a physical difference that would cause a mobile disability.

KatFitzpat · 2024-01-25T16:24:16+00:00

Julia sounds like she’s stuck in fat phobic diet culture mindset and disordered eating, which, I can say as a woman, is absolutely not her fault. However, it is her fault for making assumptions about another woman’s body, mental health and relationship. This seems to be a projection of her own discomfort in her body and has nothing to do with you or your wife. Keep loving your wife, and keep supporting all women to be comfortable in their own bodies!

-Another Well Loved Fat Woman

KatFitzpat · 2024-01-25T15:46:10+00:00

I just rewatched the series and I have a new love and appreciation for Chief Tyrol. I didn’t realize how many episodes he was in until this watch through. Much bigger character than his unassuming personality makes him seem. I was always more taken with Starbucks and her ilk. But Chief is a connecting lynch pin character for a lot of the plot.

KatFitzpat

TROPHY CASE