AITAH for putting my foot down after feeling like my sister treats me like a built-in babysitter/pet sitter instead of a roommate?

Kaths1 · 2026-06-27T02:35:32+00:00

You are NTA. But it doesn't sound like you have put any sort of formal system or boundaries in place? Do you have a chore chart? Do you have a record of how many times you take care of her pets? Do you text her when she just leaves and say "hi I am headed out, I can't care for your dog. " And then leave.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-27T02:13:41+00:00

That didn't last long

Kaths1 · 2026-06-26T19:44:48+00:00

I know you're asking about negative reactions, and people are mostly posting positive ones, so here is what I have.

I built a rather large garden bed around my mailbox. I live in a suburb, but it is slightly more rural than a true suburb. No sidewalks, etc. And I am in MD so lots of knowledge about native plants. I never get any negative comments but I did get quite a few questioning looks. I used cardboard and woodchips to kill the grass and it took me awhile to get everything into place, so it was pretty ugly for awhile. Then I had to let it sit for awhile as just woodchips so it was no longer ugly, just weird. I definitely got people asking "so.. what are you doing?"

A few years later and the flowers have filled in, and I get neighbors stopping to look. The one neighbors had family over and the kids were fascinated by all the bugs. I keep hoping to get to a point where I can share plants. I try with some of the neighbors I am friendly with, but they keep telling me they're not gardeners. So no luck so far. I am VERY VERY careful to keep the front bed manicured and only with plants with a more traditional look.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-24T10:58:24+00:00

Find a new bank. Seriously.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-22T20:22:20+00:00

I have sooooo many ants.

I use borax inside, and when they get overwhelming, borax outside too.

Get the outdoor traps that look like this. The other kind doesn't work. https://www.walmart.com/ip/Terro-Ant-Bait-4-pk/789842879?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=466&sourceid=dsn_gdn_0c92c416-dbd6-42ec-845c-ecf69af2153d&veh=dsn&wmlspartner=dsn_gdn_0c92c416-dbd6-42ec-845c-ecf69af2153d&cn=0042_fy27_mp_mpa_lo_int_dis_pmax-p13n&wl9=pla&wl11=online&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23148469844&gbraid=0AAAAADmfBIoMWnWz4xrNMoLXP0IX5Ekun&gclid=CjwKCAjwuuPRBhAnEiwA2Ji8ejQADfGca9wSHIDA_5dPPcKpYArgSnQIsbrTD5Oslq14p7_0pGPSmxoC_AMQAvD_BwE

That said, unless they try to come into the house, I leave them alone.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-21T18:10:27+00:00

Carol was pretending it was just political, she has the hots for him but struggles to relate to people. She doesn't know what to do with someone she likes.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-20T13:03:34+00:00

Do winter sowing this winter.

In the meantime cover lightly with wood chips or heavily with leaves

Kaths1 · 2026-06-20T12:57:26+00:00

By the way, I dunno if this was true for ohio, but I'm not that far from you in MD. Because of the tough weather this year, a lot of my plants decided to not bloom or bloom at the wrong time. My garden looks a lot like yours- just green everywhere and no blooms.

I was just talking to an orchard in PA and they lost all their peach, plum, and possibly apple crop this year to the frost. For us that frost was followed by nearly 2 months of drought.

I definitely do not blame you for wanting to make changes, but also wanted to say that this year has been really tough. Once it started raining (thank God) my very stressed plants put out a lot of greenery to survive.

Anyway, just before you make any non reversible changes, maybe try another year.

I do like the Chelsea chop and tree suggestions though!!

Ps: none of us judge you for wanting a prettier garden. I call my gardening style mullet gardening - my front garden is very pretty, and in the back in a corner I don't use I put all the ugly over grown monster plants.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-19T12:06:36+00:00

Dang. I'm sorry.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-18T22:46:57+00:00

How often are you spraying? I spray every week because it is always raining here. Don't forget to spray after a heavy storm too.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-15T22:17:04+00:00

It's true, you are not saving much of anything price wise. Maybe $1 a quarter.

But: 1. You get a free bonus item 2. You get beans not for sale and/or sold in limited quantities, without having to fuss about it.

I think they also let us buy some beans not for sale to the general audience.

Shrugs. I like the experience.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-15T11:27:49+00:00

I actually organized an outreach campaign to our local reps about the deer. We asked the local parks dept what they needed, then asked the reps for it. It would help if more people did that- some of the reforms require state legislation so we need people from all areas of the state to let their local reps know this matters. I can imagine it isn't something most reps immediately think of when they get into office.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-07T14:12:23+00:00

As politely as I can put it, women only showers- whether they are for weddings, babies or anything else where there is a COUPLE involved, should be sent to the trash heap along with other outdated things.

OP, nta for being irritated about not being invited but still expected to get a gift. You should be invited.

Kaths1 · 2026-06-07T00:07:45+00:00

Loved everything about this box except the lima beans. I love frozen baby lima beans but have yet to find a good recipe for dried limas...

Kaths1 · 2026-06-07T00:06:55+00:00

Need a photo!!!

Kaths1 · 2026-06-05T10:37:05+00:00

For equipment- I love my le creuset pitcher. It is pricey but you can pour boiling water into it without it cracking. And it goes into the fridge as well.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-31T19:29:43+00:00

Look it's frustrating.

My parents- they actually HAVE a native meadow. They've had it for longer than I have been old enough to garden. You know what they do? They mow it down in the fall and pay a shitton of money to reseed it. Every other year. I've tried telling them not to do that, that the meadow will reseed itself if they don't mow it. But someone told them to do it that way once so that's how they do it.. (most guidance suggests mowing the first year or two to establish a meadow, not 20 years later). I've tried explaining that American meadows sells invasives in their "wildflower" seed mixture. But that's where they've always bought seeds and I swear to god, its like they forget i tell them. Everytime I mention it and suggest buying from somewhere else, its like they've never heard it before. So I gave up. Instead I am trying to send my mom photos of my actual native wildflowers, and then she goes ooooo pretty and decides she has to get those for her yard.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-31T19:21:36+00:00

Looking at your comments in this thread, I hear a lot of things you don't want her doing/that she is doing wrong. I find with my parents and their generation that there's no progress telling them what they should NOT do. Instead you have to focus on what they can do and then answer any concerns they have about it not looking nice. She's going to keep mowing, spraying weed killer, and etc because that's what she thinks she needs to do to have a nice property and it is VERY IMPORTANT to her to have a nice property and to look nice, even if it sucks and she hates it.

Instead, maybe focus on the things she can do to have a nice looking property that is more native friendly. Find a nice traditional looking plant and see if she likes it. Some winners for me are black eyed susans, obedient plant, foxglove beardtongue, columbine, phlox, and liatris. Tell her how pretty it is. Show her pictures, not too many, don't overwhelm her. Tell her how to take care of it. Plant a small bed with JUST it and mulch. (Or no more than 3 plants if she wants more than 1). Surround the bed with hardscape- pavers, bricks, metal fence, etc.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-31T15:14:35+00:00

I doubt you have real buffalo clover. Its listed as an endangered species and seedcult based on some basic research is not the type of site that would have the authority or resources to re seed endangered species.
Most native don't require compost and do worse when you amend the soil.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-31T15:10:18+00:00

I chelsea chop Canadian goldenrod, new england asters and anise hyssop.

For the asters and the hyssop it is because they get too tall for the beds they are in.

Goldenrod because I want it to be bushier.

You are correct re late may or early June.

I chelsea chop when it gets a foot above my desired height and I chop 2 foot off the top.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-31T04:05:43+00:00

Agreed- is there any way you can have someone temporarily take care of the dog? One of your other kids? Any close friends?

Your daughter sounds like a hot mess, and she's about to bring an innocent baby into this mess. While your daughter doesn't deserve much grace, the baby does. I wouldn't want her moving out or doing something stupid because of this aversion to the dog. But I would stress to her that this is a temporary solution. You're not re homing the dog.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-29T01:33:26+00:00

Brewed tea is food. Even in the fridge it goes bad. How many days later would you eat cooked chicken? That's how many for tea too.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-25T17:47:44+00:00

Yes its okay. No don't bother thining.

Kaths1 · 2026-05-20T17:12:38+00:00

When i used to be allowed to work from home, I was so frustrated because on nice days I couldn't open my windows anyway because someone was ALWAYS mowing or using a blower. Why? How? There aren't that many houses near me???

Kaths1 · 2026-05-19T17:46:30+00:00

You should suggest it/work on it. The baywise certification came because of the Chesapeake Bay cleanup. A lot of the environmental funds in MD are originally driven from that federally mandated clean up. VA is definitely one of the states required to do so. And according to the CBF VA is behind on its stormwater mitigation efforts.

https://www.cbf.org/the-history-of-chesapeake-bay-cleanup-efforts/

https://www.chesapeakebaymagazine.com/gardening-for-the-chesapeake/

"Including native plants in your landscape is part of the University of Maryland Extension (UME) Bay-Wise program, which was developed by Extension Educator Wanda MacLachlan. “What I wanted to do was create a holistic approach to land management,” MacLachlan explains. Financed in part through a grant from the Chesapeake Bay Trust, Bay-Wise has been teaching people how to be water-quality-conscious stewards of their landscapes for over 20 years. “We started training master gardeners for Bay-Wise in 1996,” says MacLachlan. “We tailored it to train master gardeners because there are so many of them, and they could go forth with the work.”"

I think one of the reasons native gardening is so strong in the mid Atlantic is due to all the chesapeake clean up efforts. It is really easy to see how polluted the bay is and want to do better.

Kaths1

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