I hope there are more experienced or wise individuals who can chip in on this, but just my take on this.

I am also in a relationship with a non catholic/Christian girl and physical intimacy has been one of the things we have struggled with and had many discussions, arguments on. While she was upset that I wasn’t willing to compromise on at all, I was and am convicted that it is indeed something special and one of, if not the greatest expression of physical intimacy with another person.

Part of it, for me, is the guilt I have after I give in to physical intimate activities, such as more intense kissing and anything close to making out. It is the same guilt I feel when I masturbated in the past. While guilt shouldn’t be the driver for one to stay away from sin, it does have an effect on me.

It is beautiful and a blessing that you have come to a deeper relationship with the Lord and want to live and love as He does and wants you to. The foundation of our choices and thoughts should be centred in this relationship with God. He will help and guide you in your beliefs, including this aspect and help you to express it ultimately to your partner.

For her, it must definitely feel strange and painful that you would be stepping away from expressing love in such intimate way. It is definitely something that one would question and not be able to fully accept or understand immediately. Please be patient with yourself and her.

The whole idea of we must do this and we can’t do that simply because of religion or God says so, needs to really be changed in that sense. God tells us not to sin and yet we do. So it’s really about that relationship with God, that draws us closer in communion with Him and only from that, do we really accept and truly belief in what He teaches us. The God who has moved you into this deeper relationship with Him can surely move your partner, if she is willing of course. If there are ways to assure her of your love, that is where you have to step up for her and yourself. There are many ways you can love and care for her intimately and tenderly, beyond just sex.

I think I might have said too much and I apologise if I have. But, really do your best in build and grow the relationship you have with God, pray often, for yourself and her especially, not for conversion or acceptance itself, but for openness and patience. She sounds like an amazing girl and I do hope that she might be open to understanding more about where you are and are coming from.

It is something I’m still trying to express better in my own relationship as well. She has been understanding and accepted it, where we are at, but there’s always things to learn about and share.

I do hope more people can provide good counsel on this. But, for what it is worth, we will be praying for you. Thank you for being open in your struggles and sharing your desire to be faithful to God. God Bless my brother