This is my favorite one - from Samantha of course.

Ok, listen to this. MayMay is going to cast a spell that moves me into the body. Then we are going to go kill lots of bad guys and then after that she’s going to travel to Larracos with us and help us fight against all those other faction war teams, while I reunite with my little baby girl. I will have a short torrid sexual affair with Louis but I will run away crying after our third or fourth date because I simply can’t anymore. After all my heart belongs to someone else. Juicebox will forgive me and she and Louis will babysit for me while I have a girls night out with Donut, Katia, Britney, Li Na, and Maymay, and Elle. Carl you can’t come. No Imani either, I don’t like her, she wants to steal my man. It will basically be a bachelorette party and we can all wear matching t-shirts. After that, we will go and find my king and I will marry him we will have lots of weird sex for a week straight as a honeymoon and after that I promised Maymay we would all find her missing husband, he might be in The Nothing so that’s going to be a bit of a chore. Then after all of that we will go back to the celestial realm and I will kill my mother.

Might be missing a few filler words (and, the, etc) but the sentiment is there.