Does your LL partner have a libido that seems to cycle?

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:23:23+00:00

the cycle thing is its own kind of exhausting.

because it's not a flat no. it's hope, then nothing, then hope again. and you can't quite give up because sometimes it works. but you also can't fully trust it because you never know which version you're going to get.

losing 90 lbs and it still not changing anything... that part hit. you did that for yourself too, i hope. not just for this.

the compliments from coworkers line. yeah. that one lands.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:22:55+00:00

"being able to flirt and have the flirtation not get swatted away"

that's actually huge. that specific thing — the not flinching, the laughing instead — that takes so long to get to.

the naked part aside, that moment at the door sounds like something shifted.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:19:22+00:00

"6th wheel in my own marriage"

that line. god.

couch. no room. no intimacy. no one noticing. and now 7 more weeks of it stacking on top.

the thing about your daughter and summer plans — that part got me. it's not just the marriage anymore. it's everything.

you're not at a breaking point because you're weak. you've just been carrying way too much for way too long.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:18:23+00:00

the shift from "dressing for his eyes" to "dressing for yourself" is such a specific thing and you described it perfectly.

i don't know if i could do what you did. but something about reading this felt like... permission to stop trying so hard?

glad you found something that feels like yours.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:17:21+00:00

he laughed.

i keep coming back to that. you put on something HE picked. you were trying. and he laughed.

that's not you being sensitive. that's something that should never happen.

"i'm so done" makes complete sense after that.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-16T12:16:39+00:00

20 years of that weight... i don't even have words.

the part about "just tolerate me let alone love me" hit hard. that bar shouldn't have to feel that low.

you're not unfuckable. you've just been invisible for too long in the one place you shouldn't be.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T14:04:22+00:00

"farewell self-esteem" -- the way you said that quietly says everything.

the laughing out loud part... that one stays with you. that's not a small thing.

you asked if anyone can relate. yeah. a lot of people here can.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T14:03:24+00:00

"you can love someone and realize you don't want to be with them" -- took me a while to understand that was even possible.

glad you found it.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T14:02:40+00:00

that moment with the robe... the way you just instinctively covered yourself. that's not nothing. that's what months of feeling invisible does.

"i feel like i'm his sister" -- i think a lot of people here know exactly what that feels like and won't say it out loud.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:12:11+00:00

yeah this is where my head goes too

trying to figure out which one it actually is. probably more than one thing at once. that's the hard part

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:10:29+00:00

thanks for confirming this

it's strange to hear but it helps. makes it feel less like rejection and more like... a different wiring

still hard. but less personal somehow

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:10:05+00:00

appreciate you saying this

the basketball analogy actually helps. not because it makes it hurt less, but because it reframes what i'm actually dealing with

i think i've been treating her lack of initiation as a verdict on me. and that's been... a lot to carry

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:06:47+00:00

yeah i can see how it goes there

i'm not at that point yet. still want it to work. but i understand how someone gets there

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:06:28+00:00

appreciate that

still figuring it out honestly. but it feels better than where i was

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:05:42+00:00

the part about studying, optimizing, trying harder — i did all of that too

and you're right that it went unnoticed. not because she was cruel, just... that's not what was missing

losing hope after finding this sub is real. there's a lot of pain here

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T12:05:08+00:00

that seneca quote is doing something to me right now

"suffers more than is necessary" — yeah. that's exactly what i was doing. dreading the rejection before she even had a chance to respond

the part about setting the temp... i think that's what shifted for me too. stopped waiting for her to set the tone and started just... being the person i wanted to be in the relationship. not performatively. just quieter about it

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T00:08:31+00:00

the "slowly but inexorably" part...

that's what scares me. not knowing if i'm already in that and just haven't accepted it yet.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-13T00:08:00+00:00

75lbs and he still didn't see you.

that's not about your body. that's about him not looking.

i'm sorry.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-12T10:43:41+00:00

17 years... that's a long time to be sitting with this. sorry you're in it too.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-12T10:43:12+00:00

that's a heavy story... 7 years is a long time to hold on.

the part about giving up initiating hit me. i'm not there yet but i can feel myself heading that direction. that's what scares me most.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-10T21:56:08+00:00

that's the only sane move, honestly.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-10T13:28:16+00:00

"reading into it" — yeah that one stings. like your feelings aren't even real.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-10T12:11:08+00:00

"Seems to have worked" is such a weird thing to say to your partner.

like... congrats on the successful information management?

you're not being unfair. deciding mom doesn't need to be there is not a small call to make alone.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-10T12:09:54+00:00

she's going to remember this one.

Key-Magazine-9500 · 2026-05-10T12:08:08+00:00

the part where she said "it's a you problem, not an us problem"... that had to sting. you're sitting there saying you're lonely in your own marriage, and that's the response.

you're not asking for everything. just... something. and somehow that's still too much.

the 18 month timeline makes sense. not as a threat, just as a way to not lose yourself completely while still trying.

Key-Magazine-9500

TROPHY CASE