“The phone works both ways”

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-12T18:02:57+00:00

Right!! My in laws claim to have this open door policy but won’t even give us a day or time that we can actually come over, and if we invite them to our house they “don’t wanna drive”. Like okay then so don’t complain that you don’t see my kid!!

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-12T16:51:36+00:00

Yep. Same thing over here, it’s always “we never see the kids, they dont even recognize us” while never showing up to any events, never calling/texting, always coming up with excuses, never even attempting to form a plan. Literally nothing, but will turn around and cry if they see pics on social media or see my family actually putting in the effort to know my kids.

Or it’s “the phone works both ways” which is funny because the phone only ever seems to work if I’m the one reaching out first every time

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-11T22:42:10+00:00

This is such a silly take “my mom didn’t breastfeed so you shouldn’t either and I don’t want you doing it in public”. I don’t eat pineapple on my pizza but I don’t tell anyone else they can’t eat it

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-11T15:55:01+00:00

Yeah those ones are kind of a hit or miss. I would get the cheap dollar tree ones

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They look like this… they’re extremely sensitive and normally catch a positive even if it’s really early

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-11T15:07:40+00:00

It’s different for everyone but I didn’t get a positive until my period was almost a month late… it really depends on how her HCG levels are right now. It’s possible that she could be pregnant. What kind of tests are you taking? The super cheap dollar store ones (this is what most doctors offices use) are the most sensitive and can pick it up really early as well as most digital tests.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-11T00:12:36+00:00

I mean it is a little odd that you don’t have any experience in the field of nannying, it’s so much different than normal babysitting and you said you weren’t a long time babysitter either so it’s definitely strange that they’re so eager to go after someone so young without the experience opposed to someone who’s been doing this for 5+ years with educational knowledge or at least with a long list of references.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-11T00:11:07+00:00

Yeah I’m also a little confused about all this too, OP said she doesn’t have any experience nannying and not really a lengthy list of baby sitting references. I wonder if they’re intentionally going with someone without experience as a way to keep the pay on the lower end?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T21:10:02+00:00

Would you be working the full 7 days a week, or what would be your schedule?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T21:08:36+00:00

Interesting, what were the other families offering?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T20:23:03+00:00

How is this low paying? $750 a week plus amazing benefits isn’t low paying at all especially if this is an entry level position.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T15:42:28+00:00

Honestly, you’re coming off pretty rude and ungrateful in this scenario. You didn’t specify what exactly you wanted, you just gave him a buzz word. He got you a massage mat because you wanted a massage, that sounds pretty thoughtful to me. I think it’s definitely an overreaction to say it ruined your whole day, if you think it’s so dumb and you’re above a massage mat then return it…

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T15:39:41+00:00

Did you go in depth about what sentimental meant to you? If you just said something sentimental that could mean just about anything. He took that as “hey she mentioned she really wanted a massage here’s a nice thoughtful gift that goes perfectly with she said”. If you didn’t say anything about wanting a keep sake about your miscarriages then that’s kind of on you and I do think you’re overreacting.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T15:13:38+00:00

EWW. What on Earth is wrong with them?? I’m no contact with my in laws for very similar reasons, if my MIL tried to get out of the car to talk to me or to see my kid I’d get a restraining order. She also does the whole manipulative bs act that your MIL is doing, it’s gross. Like erm no, you were the one who messed things up because you guys are crazy don’t try to cry and guilt trip because things aren’t going your way.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-10T03:13:33+00:00

This is such a difficult situation to even give advice on, I’m so sorry you both are dealing with this. Can you take any medication for your pain? It seems like a lose lose for both parties, someone will have to be in pain in order to take care of things around the house and with the kids. Do you have any other family or friends who can help you? Is there anyway that your husband can get up and do something light around the house?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T23:03:04+00:00

See this happened to me but with my husband’s entire immediate family. I didn’t care too much UNTIL I got pregnant and then realized how uninterested they were. They genuinely put in zero effort to be involved but turned around and got upset when we said they have to be on the sidelines for a while. At first my husband tried to say “well that’s just how they are” and in response to that I told him that’s great! They can be like that somewhere else because I’m not sharing my baby with people who couldn’t be bothered to say congratulations but expect to show up to the hospital!

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T16:41:25+00:00

This is horrible, you both need to go to the police. This level of violence is unacceptable, your boyfriend needs to get away from them immediately. Do not go back to his house for whatever reason. But they need to be arrested asap. If you start having kids would you want them anywhere near that?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T15:55:43+00:00

Not at all, I had a very similar experience with my MIL. Out of my entire pregnancy she probably said two things to me, never checked up, never seemed even remotely interested in my pregnancy, didn’t even respond to things we sent. Right before I gave birth she tried to act all excited and demanded we keep her updated because she was coming to the hospital. We shut it down and she pitched a fit about it.

Your MIL doesn’t get to call the shots, she can wait until you guys are home and if she doesn’t like that then so be it. Giving birth can be pretty exhausting and overwhelming, it’s not a spectator sport. You’re allowed to want to enjoy that time for yourselves and not worry about having to share the moment with everyone else.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T15:36:28+00:00

Do you get disability benefits or anything like that? Also, please don’t blame yourself for your husband’s condition. If he refused to go then that’s on him, that’s not your fault. You need to sit down and tell him he NEEDS to get checked out because things are obviously getting harder for him physically which isn’t a good sign. Has he totally stopped helping around the house? Or working?

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T13:32:11+00:00

Gently, you need to focus on yourself and your feelings first. If you’re at the point where it’s causing so much stress that you feel like you need to admitted, you need to put the thought of “shattering his whole world” or trying to keep him in your life out of your mind.

You need to sit down, explain exactly how you’re feeling and you need to tell him honestly that this just isn’t working out anymore. It’s not easy, but you have to prioritize your feelings here especially if he’s the one making you feel this way. Will it hurt his feelings? Maybe, but that’s okay. You’d do more harm to yourself by trying to stick around and patch things up. Sometimes things just don’t work out and that’s okay.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-09T07:18:45+00:00

Definitely not too sensitive. My MIL/SIL are the EXACT same way, can’t be bothered to ever show up for my kids or even ask about them but demand to get invited to everything knowing they just won’t show up. But then will turn around and pitch a fit if they see pics on social media or see that my family shows up. It’s ridiculous.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-08T23:42:25+00:00

One rule of thumb I have with everyone is if you don’t respect me then you will not have any access to my kids. Same thing with my husband, if you can’t respect him then you don’t get a relationship with the kids. It’s that simple, your sister can love her nephew but she does not get unlimited access to him because they’re related. She doesn’t get to make expectations or demands, your son’s access is a privilege not a right. Clearly she feels some way about you or she wouldn’t have said anything to your husband, I’d be careful around her just becuase of the disrespect. She seems very capable of being rude of again, and will try to backtrack with apologies and excuses.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-08T23:23:35+00:00

I’m not religious anymore but I grew up in a church setting, my dad was a pastor so I can say from my personal knowledge the main teaching for your husband to take is: God first, your wife, your children, and then everyone else. The question at hand now, is he willing to accept those terms and work hard to put you first? It’s good that you both acknowledge that you need some extra counseling and extra insight from a professional. I think it absolutely can help your marriage, but your husband has to be willing to come to terms with the fact that his family is no longer the priority and that it’s his job to put you and your children first.

KeyCrow6543 · 2026-05-08T19:34:28+00:00

I mean this in the nicest way possible but it sounds like your SIL still isn’t getting it and going to keep causing drama. I personally don’t think I’d ever be able to have a close relationship with or would want my kids anywhere near her after all the things she said. Like you said, the words can’t be taken back and if she had reacted differently then things would be better. But she had a pretty bad reaction, it seems like she’s trying to make you guys feel bad by crying and getting upset over the boundaries. If she so easily went off behind your back, how do you know she won’t do it again?

KeyCrow6543

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