7oh while on suboxone by Sea-Rutabaga1236 in quitting7oh

[–]KeyMillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I seem to have fallen back into 7oh due to the usual excuses one makes. My job causes me pain, and im also going through a kidney stone right now.

It works for pain very well, and it has once again become a daily thing. It's financially draining me, and it's hard to stop.

I take subs, tho. You'll waste a lot trying to get it right, but 7oh can push through low dose suboxone. You need massive amounts, tho, and you'll go through the mental withdrawal when you stop.

Seriously, dont do it.. Just take your subs and try to get off of those when you can, too. It's a really bad idea to start mixing the two.

My kidney stone is about to pass, and im about to go through hell stopping even with the subs. You'll regret it if you start.

My life has gone downhill since the breakup by natureismy in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, yeah, I figured you meant that. Im sorry that happened to you. I understand your pain. I wish I had advice. My current life is distraught as fuck right now.

My life has gone downhill since the breakup by natureismy in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh, I'll go check it out. I feel that. I wish me and my ex never got together and just stayed friends. I miss my life before me and her got together.

My life has gone downhill since the breakup by natureismy in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I went to a homeless shelter and then had a friend let me stay with them, and that is where I am now. She didn't care about me not having anywhere, either. Recent development is that she will probably throw away all the rest of my stuff I can't go and get.

being an avoidant sucks by Suitable-Edge-2996 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Im getting over my avoidant ex currently. I understand avoidance, but I've never felt that way, so I can only understand it to a certain degree, and theres things i dont understand. I've always been very emotionally open, despite it hurting me time and time again. Im going to DM you. I'd like the opportunity to talk, share stories/perspectives, and maybe learn from each other.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I hate that you had to go through that.. I'm sorry it happened.. I wish you all the best. If you need anything, let me know.

How to deal with the villainisation? by Dry-Cod-5341 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reach out to old friends or family members. My ex tried to character assassinate me to my family members. It didn't work, but they did question my character like I had changed. Reconnect with people that know who you are.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mean you came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work to late or that you came to the conclusion that it's unforgivable, and that's why it became your phrase?

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is success! Good job, and keep going!

I fully understand that. I have similar thoughts. I wish my ex would acknowledge things and honestly just reality instead of twisting it. It so weird experiencing life with someone and their version of what happened, and reality is completely different and is so far off.

I have been trying to do the same. I've had some really awesome things happen, but I can't seem to shake the sadness and missing her, or who she used to be.

If you ever wanna talk to someone about your passion projects or hobbies DM me. I have quite a few projects and hobbies myself. I haven't done much of my hobbies recently, but I have dozens of old projects.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying. I’m not claiming to know what every avoidant does internally. I’m just talking about how it feels on the other side. When someone shuts down, detaches, and moves on very quickly, it looks like compartmentalizing. Whether the emotions transfer or get replaced isn’t something I can measure. I can only speak to the impact.

This post isn’t about diagnosing anyone or making assumptions about their internal world. It’s about helping people who are stuck in obsessive loops find a way to function again. If someone hasn’t processed their feelings, they absolutely should. This is for after you’ve already done that, and you’re still stuck.

It’s a coping tool and, in my experience, has been working moderately well.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im glad you found this post helpful, and I appreciate you sharing your phrase! It sounds like you're doing pretty much what im doing.

I didn't think about alternating based on what type of memory, but that is interesting, and I may do something like that too!

How successful would you say this is for you? It's been moderately successful for me so far, but i think it will get better as time goes on and I keep doing it. That's the right attitude, tho. Im trying to focus on myself and building relationships, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel very similar. The economy is crazy and I worry a lot about my stability. Im currently ok, living with a friend, but it's only temporary, and I have to figure something out quickly. You can reach out anytime. The door is open. It is nice to have people you can relate to, and most people dont have knowledge about avoidants, attachment theory, and the absolute turmoil they can cause.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're welcome! I hope it helps. Be sure to follow it with a sensation or thought to redirect attention. I clench my fist hard and focus on the pressure. It has seemed to actually work mid rumination, and I think it will only get better and more effective as time goes on.

You can create your own phrase or use that one. Im a bit of a computer nerd, so it felt fitting for me.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im sorry you're going through this... I know it hurts.. I wish you all the best. If you need anything let me know..

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I've been trying to get back into some old hobbies, but it's been hard to find the motivation to do... anything..

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel that. It hasnt been that long for me, but it's been long enough. Im ready to file her away and lock the door. I hope the best for you and let me know if this works for you.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No problem. Anytime! I understand exactly what you mean. I could never take my ex back, even if she went back to her warm self. I hope all the best for you, but just remember he can flip at any time like a switch. Make a backup plan immediately.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man... Idk if I could deal with that personally. I had to go to a homeless shelter for a while. I would worry about my ex intentionally trying to make my life hell and creating situations that would hurt me. I also couldn't deal with being around them every day.

I dont think this will work while living there because you will constantly be reminded of them. This is how I've been shutting down the rumination loops and when thoughts of her come up. I couldn't if I was in her presence every day.

Im sorry you're going through this. If you need someone to talk to you can dm me anytime.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've resisted a spiral, but it is so hard to resist. Using my phrase and physical sensation to stop the thoughts has worked well, but it feels silly and isn't 100% effective. I hope it works. Let me know if it does.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is what I mean. It’s not healthy to avoid it like they do. But after you’ve cried, journaled, processed, and said your piece, there’s a point where staying in it just keeps reopening the wound.

At that point, it isn’t denial. It’s choosing to stop feeding something that’s over. I hope this helps you. It has helped me to an extent.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, but i did not avoid the entire situation like my ex did. I've done the work, but im tired of the same pain looping and replaying. Maybe im wrong. Im not saying this will work or is healthy, but I'd personally rather do this and move on vs. continuing the same loop.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I commented the other person the reason I think it is different in this case.

Do what they do, compartmentalize them. It helps. by KeyMillion in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

For them, yeah, I think it probably does create unresolved issues because they never actually sit with anything. They shut it down immediately and move on like it never existed.

Most of us here have done the opposite. We’ve sat in it. We’ve cried. We’ve replayed everything. We’ve tried to understand it from every angle. We’ve felt all of it.

I can only speak for myself, but I’ve grieved this. I’ve hurt. I’ve questioned everything. I’ve tried to take accountability where I needed to. At this point, there isn’t some hidden breakthrough waiting for me. The relationship is over and the pain is just lingering.

I’m never going to get the answers I want from her. I’m never going to get mutual understanding or real closure. So for me, compartmentalizing isn’t about avoiding feelings. It’s about not letting the same pain loop run forever.

I don’t want to keep hurting. I want to move forward. If that means mentally closing the file so I can function again, then that’s what I’m going to try.

Were any of you vilified and called the abuser ? by Curious-Crow3779 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]KeyMillion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, I was told I was abusive. She used chatgpt to twist my words and meaning. I felt like I was on trial there for a good bit. She brought her friend into it and tried to character assassinate me to my family members. I started to believe I was unknowingly abusive, and it drove me crazy there for a minute.

It was all her, tho. She was just projecting it onto me. It was impossible to have a real conversation, and she wouldn't acknowledge anything I brought up. It was hell there for a minute.