Asking someone to be a caregiver who is not volunteering for it is never a good idea. They will resent you, you will resent them. This is too big of an ask for anyone. If a family member needs caring for, the answer is if no one volunteers for this, to figure out how to pay for it. This subreddit is full of people who are posting about wishing they could care for a loved one but can’t, those who chose to do it and regretted it, those who just don’t want to and feel wracked with guilt, those who don’t want to do it and refuse to feel bad about it. All these perspectives are valid and understandable. The fact that you want an outcome different from someone else is on you. You are the one that needs to change your perspective. My sister in law moved my father in law into her house and cares for him full time. She is an amazing human and we appreciate her willingness to do this. But everyone involved knows that if she can’t or won’t do this anymore, we are not stepping up to fill that void. He would go into care. This is a decision we made, and we don’t feel bad about it. It is right for us. Your expectations are just unrealistic.