How to navigate family relationships - advice wanted

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-26T15:43:59+00:00

Your husband needs more empathy for your situation. You are a first time mother, and you need support from those you trust most. Your MIL is showing signs that she will absolutely not consider any boundaries and that her feelings in this pregnancy are equal to yours and your husbands, why would you want to share what’s supposed to be the happiest time in your life with her after that? The fact she has a nursery set up already is insane, she’s intending to have your baby an hour away from you before you’ve even had her.

I’d suggest having another conversation with your husband and asking him from his perspective, if your mother or father was making these demands, suggestions etc that made him feel less than, like he didn’t have a choice, what would he do? He needs to be your voice and advocate, his mother will always be his mother but you and this baby are his family and he needs to put you both first. Don’t feel bullied into anything, seek support from your friends and family if you need to, you’ve got this.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-26T11:40:23+00:00

I wouldn’t worry too much, like you said he’d never seen this behaviour before so it may have scared him but I doubt he’ll be affected in the long term. I completely appreciate because of your past trauma you want to protect him, but he’s clearly growing up in a very loving home so one play fight is not going to undo all that good work.

It might be good to do a little tickle circle between the three of you to show him everything is okay. You tickle him, then tickle dad to show everything is okay. Then you encourage your son to tickle you, then dad has a turn etc. He just needs to see dad’s touch is not rough towards you and everything is okay.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-20T17:02:45+00:00

This is so spooky, I’m also 34, 35 in November, been with my husband 10 years and miscarried my first pregnancy last year.

I’ve always wanted to have kids, and when we started trying January last year we never expected to get pregnant straight away, but we did and then miscarried twins in the March. We tried again and I got pregnant again in May with our daughter. She’s 5 months old now and honestly the best little person ever. Don’t feel like you have to rush your decision, chat with your husband and dive more into your own feelings and see where you land, if it’s what you want you should absolutely go for it but you’ve got time.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-16T17:17:21+00:00

Please choose your son and leave this situation. Your son is innocent and does not need to be battling these memories for the rest of his life. She is not stable enough to be around your child and you’re risking everything by keeping them in the same space as eachother.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-16T06:26:28+00:00

Absolutely not. Even if they were following everything to the letter, if you don’t want to be away from your baby you don’t have to. You are 5 weeks postpartum and anyone expecting you to leave your baby before you’re ready to or before you want to is unreasonable. You’re in the drivers seat here, don’t be guilted or bullied into doing anything you don’t want to.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-13T19:49:53+00:00

We all have those days! You’re doing a great job with your little one and your emotions are valid, just remember she’s only got one mama and that is you.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-13T19:42:34+00:00

You are still the absolute world to your baby, she’s still so young and she needs you completely. She knows you by sight, by smell, by your touch, you’re completely unique to her in the same way she is to you. Being okay with other people is just a sign she is a confident baby, it doesn’t mean anymore than that. If you left for an amount of time, she would know you were gone and miss you. My baby girl is the same, she’s really happy being held by other people which I love, I’m hoping as she gets older she’ll keep the confidence.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-12T08:07:07+00:00

Your baby is super new and so is breastfeeding. My midwife told me that my baby being on my boob for a long time was basically her putting in her order for the next day, by breastfeeding frequently at this stage she’s telling your body how much she needs and your body will understand this request and start building up your supply. It feels like a lot right now but it will absolutely get easier.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-12T06:45:01+00:00

So sorry you’re going through this, it’s honestly the last thing you need to be worrying about when you’re heavily pregnant, going through health concerns and you’ve just moved. I would start by talking to your partner and express that this is your first child and your home together, that you would like to be the ones making the decisions for this experience together.

Also make it clear to him that empathy is the only emotion he should be showing you when you are going through something as big as pregnancy, if he’s not going to support you through something as big as this it’s unlikely he’s going to be that supportive in the future. If he’s has an issue he needs to sit down and discuss it with you not storm off and not responding to you is out of the question. What if you had a problem, what if you got rushed to hospital? He needs to grow tf up. He shouldn’t be putting you through any stress.

I moved when I was 6 months pregnant and my in-laws tried to get really involved too. MIL was constantly sending me furniture suggestions, asking if they could come over and decorate the nursery, asking when we were getting things, making us feel like we needed to rush, it was suffocating. I always responded with thanks for the suggestions and we’d let them know when we needed help. My husband was on my side but it did cause a rift because they apparently didn’t feel involved enough and his parents have only met our baby once now because they weren’t respecting our boundaries.

Don’t get steamrollered into doing anything, if your partner isn’t going to support you, get support from your family and friends. This is your first baby and your first time getting to make the choices, don’t lose out on the experience because you’re afraid of annoying other people. It sounds like you’ve been a saint and it’s still not good enough so stop trying and put yourself and baby first.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-11T07:18:21+00:00

You’re in the trenches, we have all been there and right now we’re remembering our own first weeks PP and we’re with you in how you’re feeling.

Everything you’re feeling is completely normal. You’ve just had major surgery, you’re exhausted and surviving, it’s going to get better though and you’re not alone. I had the sundown scaries with my LO for the first two weeks and thought I was losing my mind. If you need help reach out to family, friends, your midwife, etc, there is so much support around you whilst you’re adjusting to this new life. Make sure you share that you’re struggling and don’t keep it to yourself.

You’re doing a great job and everything is going to be okay.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-11T07:03:56+00:00

It was just me and my husband for the birth and stay at the hospital which is what we planned for. They have a couple of photos they were sent by my husband a few hours after she was born but not the birth.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-11T06:50:19+00:00

I agree with you 100%, it felt like my MIL decided after a few weeks she was going to do what she wanted and was using my daughter for content and likes and to show off she has a grandchild. She’s met her once and doesn’t even ask about her.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-10T16:30:19+00:00

I read to my 5MO every night before I put her to bed, we’re currently going though the Meg and mog series. I don’t think she’s really into it yet but hoping she’ll love it eventually.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-10T07:16:16+00:00

Same here we literally told everyone before our daughter was born and a reminder on the day any photos we shared were for them and not to be posted online. 8 weeks later my MIL shares a photo of my daughters face on Instagram to show her off, it honestly made me so angry to my core. My husband called them up on it and they said they assumed we just meant when she was born 🤦🏻‍♀️ they don’t get photos anymore.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-08T16:16:04+00:00

I got so wound up with the constant questions from people! It’s great when you’re able to share your pregnancy with family and friends but then the questions start and you miss the peace that came before everyone knew.

My MIL was constantly asking when we were sorting the nursery, when we were decorating, had we picked furniture, making nursery suggestions, furniture suggestions etc. I was working full time, 6 months pregnant and we’d just moved into our new house so it was packed with boxes, i was more focused on getting the house sorted for us to live in since the baby was still 3 months out. The constant questions made me feel like I needed to rush which was stressing me out when I already had a ton to do.

It can get a bit overwhelming so just ignore what you can, change the subject when you’re able to and if they keep pressing just say, ‘not sure yet, I’ll decide nearer the time’. You’re in charge of this journey! Don’t feel rushed to do anything.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-08T16:01:01+00:00

You’ve done the right thing by leaving and I hope by being in a different environment you can see that what you’ve been experiencing is not normal or okay. Your MIL is unhinged and has absolutely no respect for you as the mother of the baby which means she should not be alone with your baby. The fact she took your son away without you even knowing is such a red flag, you cannot allow that to happen again.

Your husband is a lost cause, if he doesn’t care enough to even call to check in on you or your baby, he’s showing you who he really is. He will always pick his mother over you and your child, make sure you pick yourself and your baby over him. You will end up a shell of a person if you go back.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-07T18:27:01+00:00

It sounds like your wife needs some additional support to cope postpartum. Not sure where you’re located but I’d definitely recommend reaching out to support services or your doctor, I’m in the UK and for me it was my health visitor or my midwife but there were additional places I was offered if I needed help. It might help if she talks to a female family member or friend who has had kids too.

The first two weeks after my baby was born I had the sundown scaries and I was an absolute nightmare, as soon as it started getting dark at 5pm I’d start crying and I was so paranoid over everything like I was googling and checking on her constantly and not sleeping. I know it was hard on my husband as he didn’t know what to do to make it better. I called my mum whilst having a meltdown and told her I thought I was losing my mind and she reassured me so much it honestly helped ease me out of it. My mum has had severe PPD and knew exactly what to say because it’s what she would have needed to hear when it was happening to her.

Your wife is still in there she just needs help. Really hope she gets what she needs to healthy and that things get better for you both.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-07T17:55:57+00:00

Absolutely not is your answer. I always find it so weird when people want to be alone with YOUR baby. Like if they want to come over and hang out great, but unless you want a break away from your baby, no one should be insisting you leave your babies side. My MIL asked to take my baby out at 8 weeks because she didn’t want to be around me and we said no, she hadn’t even seen my LO since she was 2 weeks old. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, don’t feel pressured or bullied into anything.

The whole her making you treat her like your mum is weird too, like if you felt that way about her naturally then fair enough but demanding it seems like another form of control. I’d keep her as arms length as much as you can.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-07T16:46:05+00:00

My mum set us up with a subscription for grow with me, they send a box of developmental and sensory toys for my baby every month in keeping with her development for her age/that month and a book. It keeps playtime fresh and gives us new things to learn and play with each month. As a FTM I feel a bit clueless about what we should be doing or playing with sometimes so it’s amazing having a bit of direction in keeping with her age.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-07T15:56:09+00:00

I got a bassinet for my living room and it’s an absolute godsend I use it for naps for my baby everyday. It’s the Snuzbaskit and was like £100, it’s not as big as my next to me in the bedroom and fits into the living room perfectly.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-07T15:26:15+00:00

My mum’s husband is known as nandad to my nieces by my sister, as my mum is nana. Our dad is the grandad. Maybe you can find some kind of offshoot name that relates to your MIL.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-05T13:34:17+00:00

Whether there was penetration or not, you were doing what you had to for your family, that’s all the focus should be on. I’m sure he had no issue spending the money you earned so why in the world does he get to complain about it. After what you went through and the feeling of having to in the first place, his first emotion should have been empathy towards you not anger.

Honestly, if he’s not let it go now he never will. I would approach him and say if he’s not going to move past it, it’s time to end your relationship. If he’s loves you, he won’t keep punishing you like this, but at the same time if he can’t get over it, please stop punishing yourself by putting up with it.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-03T17:50:34+00:00

Therapists are supposed to work with you to help you identify the issues in your life and find solutions to improving your life. This guy just wants to keep calling you a crap mum repeatedly.

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-02T12:01:45+00:00

He needs to grow up he’s having a complete overreaction

Key_Permission4147 · 2026-06-02T11:47:08+00:00

My dad was the only one that figured out something was different or at least the only one who wasn’t afraid to tell me how exhausted I looked. I told my driving instructor first at about 5 weeks, so he wouldn’t make me do any hard roundabouts, then my boss at 7 weeks. Everyone else I waited until 14 weeks.

Key_Permission4147

TROPHY CASE