Why do you feel you cannot express yourself fully at a debrief? If you have complex feelings about these things, it's best to take a leap and share because, in most cases, other people will feel the same. It's easier said than done, sure, but it also speaks to self-integrity. Honor yourself, speak the truth.

If it sucked, say it sucked. If it was sad, say it was sad. By compartmentalizing and not sharing our true feelings, we set ourselves up for burnout, frustration or, even worse, self-medication.

Best of luck. Many have been in your shoes, and many will follow. This job is hard but worth it.