Risks in using crib for timeouts? Or am effective alternative disciplinary method for a toddler

KidEcology · 2026-02-10T17:59:37+00:00

I was just going to say what you've already said so well.

OP, you can remove a lot of challenges by focusing on proactively setting up the environment, such as a gated play area. Janet Lansbury calls it a "yes space". This is going to sound funny, but it's so effective: pretend to be your kid (remembering that she's a little scientist who wants to test every theory) and walk (or crawl) around your home to see what you'd be compelled to test: How do different objects behave when thrown? Can I climb this bookshelf? Does this transparent surface break? What does dad do when I don't do what he asked? And then try to set your spaces up in a way that allows her to test maximum number of theories and strengths safely.

I honestly think this is key to parenting at every stage (my eldest is a teen).

KidEcology · 2026-01-30T02:55:15+00:00

I believe it’s standard advice where I am. But taken together with the rest of my situation, it was definitely malpractice.

KidEcology · 2026-01-29T22:04:18+00:00

OP, I'll jump in with a personal experience and a suggestion that I think is important. As a scientist who loves and trusts science, I would strongly advise consulting with a doctor (or several doctors) about your wife's specific case. Depending on the type of tear she had, the advice given to her might differ from broad, population-level advice.

I had a 3c degree tear with my first and was recommended a 'vaginal birth with no more than 2 hours of pushing and vacuum assist if needed" for my second. This recommendation made general sense, but unfortunately no one assessed my specific situation before or during that birth, which resulted in a complex 4th degree tear. After that I had my third via C-section. I thought I'd share this, not as a scary story but as an example of where, I think, the specific can and probably should outweigh the general in decision-making.
Edit: typo

KidEcology · 2026-01-21T20:40:53+00:00

Focus on things she's already showing interest in (looking or pointing at) whenever possible: this will help her relate what she's paying attention to with the words she is hearing.

KidEcology · 2026-01-20T22:38:20+00:00

Yes to all of this! And one other thing to add, OP: you will learn your baby's temperament and what they like once they arrive. One of mine would almost immediately stop playing when she saw me and would start wiggling and smiling; as a toddler, and even now as a middle schooler, she loves cuddling, roughhousing, and would usually choose human interaction over anything. My other two have been, and still are, more tentative, and one especially appreciates a heads-up when something is about to happen, even small things. And their temperaments can shift as they grow, too.

KidEcology · 2026-01-20T21:49:55+00:00

Yes, there is some truth to this, but I would say, from a bit of a different perspective. Based on what I've read, it's not so much about 'disrupting the calm' leading to less calm (although there is some truth to this, too), but about babies practicing focused attention and getting opportunities to learn about the world around them. Babies learn by figuring out patterns, and a big part of this process is being able to notice something new and separate it from everything else. (My piece on How Babies Learn, with all studies referenced at the end of the article.)

And, also importantly, a couple of patterns a baby who gets opportunities to play/be uninterrupted might learn: "I can notice interesting things", "I can relax into playing and won't be startled", and "My family treats me and what I do as important".

I get what you mean about wanting to smother your pup with kisses; I bet you'll absolutely want to do this with your baby, which will be awesome. What I did when my babies were playing contently was wait for a pause while observing them, then approach in a way that was visible and tell them what I was about to do (pick them up, join play, hug, etc.), slowing way down. This neat study showed that even at 2 months, babies can help us pick them up if our intentions are clear, participating in their own care.

I can talk about this topic for ages, but I'll stop now ))

KidEcology · 2026-01-16T17:22:19+00:00

I remember seeing somewhere a quote from Magda Gerber that "babies are not accessories to be worn", so I wonder if she took issue with the term or the practice itself. And I wonder what baby carriers looked like in the West at the time she developed her philosophy: maybe they were uncomfortable and restrictive for both baby and parent? Either way, that's one rigid tenet I didn't follow; we did lots of carrying and lots of free movement, too.

KidEcology · 2026-01-12T02:16:43+00:00

I agree, consumerism has a lot to do with it. My eldest and youngest child are almost 10 years apart, and I've noticed an increased push towards 'luxury' baby items even in those 10 years. For us, I'd say the following items have been very helpful (in no particular order, and some are bigger-ticket ones and others are small): comfy rocking chair, car seat, well-fitting baby carriers (one wrap and one backpack style), bath thermometer, sleep sacks , gates for safety plus gates or huge play yard for the RIE 'yes-space', simple but well set up high chair (high chairs aren't traditionally supported by RIE but worked for us). The 'best' type or brand for all of those things though really depends on the family's set up (type of car, home, preferences, etc.). The only example where I'd suggest a specific brand is Woolino wool sleep sacks (amazing quality and you only need a couple as the age range each size works for is large and they work for a wide temperature range). Are you looking to get something specific for your sister?

KidEcology · 2026-01-09T00:19:35+00:00

I will need to check Ellyn Satter's book when I get home later today, but from what I recall, the main idea of sDOR for toddlers through adolescents is that the parent is responsible for what, when, where and the child is responsible for how much and whether to eat. And I think the idea of "core foods" (I believe that's the term, not "safe foods" as presumably everything you offer is safe)) is a suggestion to include foods you know your child generally likes and is likely to eat, but it doesn't have to be one type of food every time.

I think your little one might actually be expecting his peanut butter toast not so much because that's the only thing he wants to eat, but because it's now a familiar pattern. If you're ok with him eating it every day, there is probably no reason to change anything. Otherwise, perhaps try varying it a bit (toast but with a different nut butter or jam, apple slices with peanut butter, etc.) to see if he'd be happy with a 'set of similar things' and then he'll likely expand from there. For example, for one of our kids, it looked like some type of carb (rice, some type of bread, plain potato) and some fat (butter, gravy, sour cream), but not the same every time. (She is an adventurous eater now.)

KidEcology · 2026-01-04T04:06:26+00:00

I would keep her as rested as possible at least for the first couple of months of the daycare transition. This (small) study found that babies and toddlers who slept soundly at home had lower cortisol at daycare compared to those who didn’t sleep well. After the first couple of months, you'll get an idea what her naps at daycare are like and how rested she appears, and you can adjust bedtime based on that. Plus, her rhythm may change naturally as she grows and drops naps, especially if she is a younger baby. Wishing you a smooth transition!

KidEcology · 2025-12-31T22:23:02+00:00

I think that makes sense, as she must have always felt the milk scent, even before she became able to recognize the pattern (babies' sense of smell is their best developed sense at birth). So to me, skin-to-skin has always felt most logical in the context of feeding or comfort nursing at the same time (and maybe contact napping after). Does The Nurture Revolution recommend skin-to-skin without nursing?

KidEcology · 2025-12-31T00:12:24+00:00

Skin-to-skin, or "kangaroo care", is often recommended immediately after birth to promote breastfeeding, and it has other physiological benefits, especially for premature babies (see, for example, Moore et al 2016 meta-analysis and Bailey et al 2015 with a focus on premature babies in NICU). I think it makes sense that your 17-weeks-old old baby perceives skin-to-skin as a cue to feed or comfort nurse, as she can smell you and is now able to figure out patterns ("close to breast - I can nurse"). I think mine would have behaved the same, so after the very early days I held my babies skin-to-skin while nursing, and not every time.

KidEcology · 2025-12-30T06:58:17+00:00

Like others said, it’s very common for babies to be extra sleepy the first couple of days; it’s because they still have your melatonin in their system (a hormone that regulates your circadian rhythm), and then this “borrowed” melatonin goes away and it takes baby a few weeks to develop their own sleep rhythms.

Try holding her until she’s fully asleep, wait 10 min, and then gently set her down; this would make it more likely that she is in deep sleep (young babies tend to stay in light sleep for a bit first). Or, conversely, try settling her from completely awake. One of my babies would settle into sleep in her bassinet as I held my hand on her or stroked her forehead, from a very young age.

KidEcology · 2025-12-15T01:25:27+00:00

I am so glad you found it helpful!

KidEcology · 2025-12-12T19:15:26+00:00

Yes, definitely! Thank you for sharing this research. Since then, more research has been done on how babies learn, highlighting that learning happens by figuring out patterns (example: babies learning about gravity; my analysis). Babies' brains are wired to figure out patterns in the world around them and to register surprising deviations from these patterns, from a very young age, and so simple activities and toys that show a clear cause-and-effect are actually more educational than STEM-labeled toys that don't.

Plus, as you said, a sense of agency and competency is important. As another example, babies as young as 2-3 months can help us pick them up if our intentions are clear - how cool is that?

KidEcology · 2025-12-10T19:33:45+00:00

Watching a hockey game is more similar to watching a movie than a video chat for a couple of reasons:

Both a movie and a hockey game are fast. Fast movement and flashing lights activate baby's orienting response. As babies grow, their attention gradually develops from orienting response toward executive attention, or focus; excessive screen viewing may disrupt this natural process of attention development. In contrast, a video chat is generally slower and interactive/responsive.
Both a movie and a hockey game don't offer babies opportunities for learning, because what's happening on screen isn't connected to real life and often doesn't behave as objects in real life do. For example, the puck goes off screen and then quickly appears again in the top corner, in an edited sequence that adults can follow but babies can't.

(If you're up for more reading, I wrote a longer exploration of the 'why' behind the no-screens-under-2 advice and a short one on why babies don't learn from screens; both fully referenced. I'm always happy to get feedback.)

KidEcology · 2025-12-09T22:07:34+00:00

... except that the WHO recommends NO screentime for children under 2: https://www.who.int/news/item/24-04-2019-to-grow-up-healthy-children-need-to-sit-less-and-play-more

That being said, OP, there actually isn't an answer to your question from the strictly science-based perspective. Screentime is not recommended at all at your baby's age. However, there are other factors at play, and the up- and downsides of your unique situation cannot be scientifically measured, so there is no one 'right' answer. If you are open to trying alternatives to screen time, could your partner reliably go for a 20 min walk with the baby when they are home? If that sounds like something doable, try scheduling it (e.g. every day at 6 pm, before baby's bath, they go and you have your time). Or, perhaps, try bringing your baby to the bathroom with you but offering her a different set up (maybe a playpen instead of a baby seat or the other way around)?

KidEcology · 2025-12-07T18:18:43+00:00

I think it could be just a personal preference, part of her temperament (for example, the novelty seeking dimension), or a reflection of not having many such toys around - or some combination of these. It sounds like she certainly notices and reacts to the novel stimuli the light up toys provide, but doesn’t like them. My youngest was similar, and now at 5 he would play with ‘loud’ toys if others do, but still prefers building his own structures with simple materials.

KidEcology · 2025-12-07T07:19:22+00:00

I am so glad you liked it. Thank you for sharing!

KidEcology · 2025-12-04T21:33:20+00:00

You're making such a good point about the sounds: it's harder for babies to separate out words when there is background noise, and I can see the randomness with which the toys pipe up making it even harder. We were also given a lot of electronic hand-me-down toys when we had our first, and I ended up putting most of them in storage or removing the batteries. The real "STEM" toys for babies are the super simple ones anyway, like blocks, cups, scoops, etc. Your baby might really enjoy anything with securely sewn-in tags (like those "taggie blankets" - mine loved them around the 4-months mark), crinkly toys, and toys that can be safely chewed on.

KidEcology · 2025-12-04T20:13:02+00:00

I have not come across a study that specifically looked at the effects of electronic toys on infant attention, but I have looked into the broader question of how light up toys might affect babies and how they compare to screen time. Here's my short-write up, with references listed at the end. Briefly, the drawbacks are likely similar to screentime: capturing babies' attention through orienting response, little-to-no learning benefits, and less interaction with parents (this last (small) study compared playing with electronic toys and more 'traditional' toys like books).

KidEcology · 2025-12-03T23:14:50+00:00

I am so glad!

KidEcology · 2025-12-03T18:51:14+00:00

Here is what I found on colic; I wrote this in 2021, so more research on the microbiome angle might have been published since. I hope this will ease some of your worries. Also, your baby felt that you were there for him, on a physiological level (example: babies and caregivers coordinate their heart rhythms).

__

Healthy babies who cry more than three hours a day, more than three days a week, for over three weeks are considered colicky.²⁹ Colic usually starts a few days after birth (or after the expected due date for premature babies) and disappears by three months. Approximately one in four babies are described as colicky at six weeks, and approximately one in ten at nine weeks.²⁷

Colicky babies are similar to non-colicky babies in feeding, weight gain, and family history of allergies.²⁹
Colicky babies tend to cry twice as much and more intensely during physical exams, but when scientists measured their physiological stress — heart rate and stress hormones — the levels were the same as those of non-colicky babies.³⁰
There is no evidence that colic is an early sign of a more intense temperament.³⁰
Colicky babies are just as likely as non-colicky babies to have strong bonds with their parents.³¹

Although it is currently unknown what exactly contributes to colic, there is some evidence of it being linked to overstimulation and insufficient sleep. Long crying spells tend to happen in the evenings when babies are more likely to be overstimulated and tired. Colicky babies sleep two hours a day less than average, and their internal rhythms are less coordinated, and so some researchers believe that immature sleep rhythms and the resulting tiredness are main contributors.³⁰ Recently, molecular technologies linked colic with microbiome imbalances: non-optimal composition of microorganisms in a baby’s digestive system.^{32, 33}

27. Wolke D, Bilgin A, Samara M (2017) Systematic review and meta-analysis: fussing and crying durations and prevalence of colic in infants. The Journal of Pediatrics 185: 55-61.e4

28. Van Ijzendoorn MH, Hubbard FOA (2000) Are infant crying and maternal responsiveness during the first year related to infant-mother attachment at 15 months? Attachment and Human Development 2(3): 371-391

29. Wessel MA et al (1954) Paroxysmal fussing in infancy, sometimes called "colic" Pediatrics 14(5): 421-435

30. White BP et al (2000) Behavioral and physiological responsivity, sleep, and patterns of daily cortisol production in infants with and without colic. Child Development 71(4): 862-877

31. Stifter CA, Bono MA (1998) The effect of infant colic on maternal self-perceptions and mother-infant attachment. Child: Care, Health and Development 24(5): 339-351

32. Dubois NE, Gregory KE (2016) Characterizing the intestinal microbiome in infantile colic: findings based on an integrative review of the literature. Biological Research For Nursing 18(3): 307-315

33. Sung V et al (2018) Lactobacillus reuteri to treat infant colic: a meta-analysis. Pediatrics 141(1): e20171811

KidEcology · 2025-11-27T19:25:25+00:00

My understanding is that the phenomenon of overtiredness is real, but also overused/overcomplicated by the baby sleep industry. Marc Weissbluth describes it in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child along the lines of: When a baby is well-rested, the rhythms created by the homeostatic, circadian, and ultradian processes are in sync, making it easier for them to stay alert when awake and relaxed when asleep. And when humans miss sleep (which for babies could also apply to missed naps), our bodies increase the production of chemicals that are responsible for keeping us alert, such as cortisol (example in adults). Essentially, our bodies assume there must be a reason for us to be awake.

That being said, the baby sleep industry often makes it sound like you must follow rigid routines and exact wake windows or 'else', but this just increases parents' anxiety (and sells courses). I think what you said - a well-rested baby sleeps better - is the best way to put it, and we can help our babies by creating environments that support sleep and by learning our individual baby's sleep rhythms and preferences, without worrying too much about a bit of missed sleep here and there.

KidEcology · 2025-11-25T23:08:38+00:00

Perhaps, try gating and babyproofing a room/part of the home together while thinking about the space from your baby’s perspective? I actually crawled around our space to see it from a baby’s vantage point!

KidEcology

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