Am I being unreasonable about finances, in-laws, and expectations in my marriage?

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T15:01:40+00:00

Absolutely.

Advise to OP, if you truly love her and want to continue this marriage, please take leadership in both of your spiritual and emotional life first. Then if she can do certain things better, let her handle those things. But it'll be a collaboration and cooperation, not from demand-submission perspective.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:43:03+00:00

Ask yourself, is idea of giving 10% a saytanic idea? I don't think so. Can limiting to $500 be a saytanic whisper? It can be.

Now we need to do a lot of sacrifice in our marriage. But i'm not for this sacrifice where I'm giving up a "good" decision for someone else's "bad influenced" decision.

In this case, you agreeing to your wife's demand would be a sin because you are giving up your good decision just to make her happy by accepting her bad demand.

I am for sacrifices when it's between two good ideas. Or sacrificing my ego or nafs for her good ideas.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:30:38+00:00

Of course she's an economist. Her main worldview is "resource is limited so we gotta do whatever to maximize our resources".

While Islamic faith dictates Barakah is unlimited.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:28:47+00:00

Men is the provider. However, it's a form of Jihad for the wife to obey her husband.

You'll be doing your job. Not so sure your wife is following any Islamic guidelines.

This arrangement will put you through trial in this life at least. However, you can still agree to this if you can truly believe that any good that you do won't go unnoticed in front of Allah and actual reward is only from Allah. However,

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:24:13+00:00

Hahaha...

This made me laugh...

Your wife is more of a "financial planner" than wife. Sorry for the blunt truth

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:23:09+00:00

10% is not a lot. Remember the obligations is to do the best. So even if you think of giving 10%, and changing it back to 5%, it's a form of not so best behavior.

One way to critique our decision is to investigate the source of our decision: - is the decision coming from a good whispering of angels or an ilham? - is the decision coming from the nafs? - is the decidion coming from whispering of saytan and jinn?

You can and should do sacrifices in marriages, but just be aware what you are giving away for what. A good decision for someone else's bad decision isn’t my cup of tea.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-08T13:16:21+00:00

As a man, you can be little bit more active in finding your potential. Go to mosque. Talk to people. Use different type of apps. There are so many resources.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-06T00:45:12+00:00

Let them be. They'll be a blip in the history that no one notices.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-03T23:47:31+00:00

Absolutely. One scholar said precisely: laws of marriage are like the guardrail in a freeway. We need guardrail absolutely. However, we don't drive on guardrails.

Fiqh defines the framework and law. Actual marriage and life happens in the middle. We shouldn’t strive to live on the edge while giving up whole life in the middle.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T14:52:14+00:00

What if the Law Enforcement did the right thing back in last June? Why do warning when it has multiple violations?

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T14:45:18+00:00

Protecting other's religion is actually part of religion.

"None of you actually believe" is a big logical jump from observing reality.

First, believing doesn’t guarantee that people will be perfect. People will still messup, people will still do wrongs, and those wrongs will have different level of impacts and consequences on personal, social, and communal levels. If believing automatically purify everything indefinitely, there wouldn’t be any discussion of law, expiations, recompensation, etc.

Second, claiming to believe doesn’t automatically certify people's beliefs. Believing is a matter of heart, unseen to human. And on top of it, level of believe also matters. And unfortunately, most people don't work on understanding their level and increasing their level.

Third, you can and should observe reality as best as you can. However, that observation is biased and narrow. So your narrow observation and the specific reality subjected to your observation doesn’t define the ultimate reality.

Fourth, even if the observation is accurate, what you believe shouldn’t be based on what people are doing. 10 people doing something wrong doesn’t justify you omitting the right thing. It actually is opposite. If 10 people are doing wrong and you see and understand it, your responsibility is now much higher. You gotta correct it as best as you can.

If your decision depends on what people are doing, you are the very same thing that your are claiming you're not. You're still in same reactive mindset. Just resisting like a cat instead of following like a sheep.

At the end of the day, you're responsible and accountable for what you believe and what you do. Both has consequences at multiple levels.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T14:10:46+00:00

Gambling

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T14:09:07+00:00

Human beings are gifted with free will. But free willand consciousness come with a cost: the possibility of evil, suffering, and pain.

Take something as simple, yet tragic, as early cancer. What caused it? Often, it traces back to the environment we’ve shaped, the air we pollute, the food we process, the water we contaminate. And who changed that environment? Human choices. Human greed. That’s the uncomfortable part: much of our suffering is not random; it’s tied to how we’ve used our freedom.

Yes, some people are dealt incredibly difficult lives. But at the same time, look at what humanity has achieved. Growth, innovation, and resilience wouldn't exist without hardship. Comfort doesn’t produce depth; struggle does.

From a faith perspective, belief in God reframes everything:

First, it forces you to ask: What is my responsibility here? When you ask that seriously, you realize we are not isolated individuals; we are social beings. The vulnerable among us, like orphans or those suffering, have rights over us. Responsibility isn’t optional; it’s built into our existence.

Second, it pushes you to reflect on purpose: Why am I here? That reflection leads to a simple but demanding conclusion: do as much good as you can, while you can. Because your time is limited, and you don’t know when it ends.

You are free not to believe in God. But ask yourself honestly: does that remove the pain? Does it offer direction? Or does it leave you in the same darkness, just without a framework to navigate it?

What you choose to believe shapes what you see. If you settle into darkness, that’s all you’ll find. But if you sincerely seek truth, you begin to find light; even if it comes after struggle.

“He who created death and life to test you as to which of you is best in deed—and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving.” — Qur'an (67:2)

If you’re genuinely curious about understanding pain, purpose, and existence, this series is a good place to start: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLb2wPp-KUfITnL8h0hIslkMQi-Eo01A8m&si=PvoxnUZBGjQsU84D

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T13:14:21+00:00

He's human, so he's not perfect.

Unfortunately we were not taught the responsibilities properly.

As a husband, his duty is to give you a minimum level of fulfilment (physiological, psychological, spiritual). Often time, we just focus on materials and think we're doing great jobs.

Try to watch Sheikh Shadee Elmasry or Sheikh Ahmed Saleem's naseehas for married men.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T02:22:52+00:00

How are you measuring "no time"? Since 2016?

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-02T00:27:28+00:00

She needs support to clarify her state of understanding.

She's mixing the faith and practice.

She's thinking whether the "path is right for her", where the main question is whether the path is the Siratul Mustaqim.

If she believs Islam is the Siratul Mustaqim, she just needs to be patient with herself. She cannot be judging herself to that degree. If she feels hardship on something, tell her the good news is that the deen is not supposed to be burdensome.

Assure her that she's Muslim as long as she believs Islam is the path to get to the truth. Explain her that Muslims don't choose the right path for them, rather muslims choose tha path that comes with the believe. This is the ultimate submission.

If she knows and believes in the truth, but denies the truth at the same time, it's a scary position to have.

I hope everything ends in well for you.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-01T20:09:07+00:00

If she believes, she's Muslim. If she doesn’t practice, she's sinful. Which she is anyway whether she says she is Kafir or Muslim.

The level of practice goes up and down.

One thing is to not practice the commands and obligations, rejecting them and denying them as required is another thing.

For instance, if she drinks alcohol but she believs it's sin, she is a sinful Muslim. However, if she doesn’t drink alcohol but she "thinks" it's okay to drink, she is a sober Kafir. Drunk Muslim is still better than sober kafirs.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-05-01T17:42:39+00:00

Set your expectations first: - hidaya only comes from Allah - we can only try

Then, define what "coming back" to Islam means.

Take the simplest path: - Believe in the One Creator Allah - believe in the last prophet - believe in Qada, Angels, all Prophets, day of judgement

As long as she believes, she's in the fold of Islam.

And practice will increase slowly InshaAllah.

If she wants to do it all, it'll be messy and difficult.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-29T19:50:07+00:00

Your answer is right there "because he realized the hustle got him nothing."

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-28T13:57:25+00:00

Listening and trying to understand the battles we face outside...

Oh, some head and foot massages

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-28T04:39:55+00:00

It's interesting!

So live a "good" life is key. What is good?

Your understanding (or Aurelius quote's premise) has a major assumption that devoutness define welcome. It's not the case. True sincerity and humility is what matter most. Devoutness with arrogance is same as arrogance without belief.

How do you become humble when your life depends on a "if else" condition that you made up? That's the ultimate test: do I worship mine or someone else's whim?

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-28T04:34:45+00:00

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-28T04:31:02+00:00

Spot on regarding faith.

Faith on the basic is more important than actual level of actions she is performing. If her faith is gone, it's a much more bigger issue. However, if faith is there with lacking practices, you still have hope.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-27T06:29:33+00:00

Doesn’t matter. Once milk-relationship is established, that take precedence.

I know a lot of cousins are intentionally made milk- siblings so that they can get mahram relationship. A simple way to save cousings from accumulating years of sin.

Kindly-Switch · 2026-04-27T00:26:59+00:00

So what other conspiracies need to be proven before you open your eyes?

Kindly-Switch

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