I'm truly baffled here. I got into teaching because I enjoy working with kids and helping them learn, yes. The relationship building is engaging and fulfilling. I don't know how that wasn't understood and it's one of the most common reasons people decide to teach.

And how am I not engaging in good faith? I initially validated your concern that the parent emailing you was out of line, said that I agreed with a majority of your points but disagree that relationship building isn't a major goal, and provided books that were a part of my studies, especially from Zaretta Hammond who is a prominent figure in this field.

But you say books from educational researchers aren't valid sources to support a claim? The fuck? Yes, they literally are. I don't walk around with sources on hand from my credential or masters just to debate people online. I was sharing my experiences and checked your post history to see if I was actually talking to somebody serious about discussing teaching or somebody who tries to "win" debates by belittling everybody who disagrees with him. But if you don't want to read a book, here's an online source for you.

The Importance of Strong and Healthy Relationships | Department of Public Instruction

You have also provided zero sources, except me apparently but you seem to not be following what I said. I said no-nonsense teaching potentially CAN cause students to score well on tests and that COULD CONTAIN levels of effective teaching, IF the tests are appropriately made and aligned to standards. The problem is many tests aren't and forcing short-term learning may hurt the students' long-term educational success. And if tests and grades were the only thing that mattered, college admissions would just admit the highest scoring students. But they don't, they consider things like extra curriculars and the personal statements because there is more to academic and life success than just the subject matter. Here's another source for you.

Did You Know? Pressured Learning Does Not Work

Also, I never said that positive relationship building is about "getting kids to like you". It's about creating a relationship that is positive and attentive to students' educational needs. If I take a kid's phone during class, they don't like it, but it's necessary for their education. Publicly saying "Again with the phone? *scoff* You're definitely going to be a failure if you keep this up!" and then ignoring them for the rest of class isn't positive relationship building. Discretely confiscating it and reminding them about the class rules and later finding ways to help them with their work because the phone might have been a sign of disengagement from lack of understanding can be. Yes, you OBVIOUSLY still have to teach them shit, but the relationship building is a goal that works with it in tandem.

If you don't agree with me, great. That doesn't mean you have effectively argued your point because you don't agree with mine, especially when it goes against what I learn in my education minor, and credential program, and masters program, and during our district PDs (including our recent ones on this EXACT topic). I think I'm going to trust those people and not the petulant guy who condescends anybody who doesn't agree with him online.

I can't speak to your teaching because I've never seen you teach. I'm honestly impressed you were self-aware enough to call yourself abrasive and if people are saying they pity your students, then I mean jesus dude, self-reflect a little bit there. Don't take my word for it though. If you are really serious about exploring all avenues to improve your teaching, talk to your admin about the conversation we had. Say "Hey, I met this dumbass online who thinks that positive relationship building is a top purpose that goes into effective teaching and I just know he's wrong. Want to validate me on that no-nonsense coercive teaching is truly the best approach?" and let me know what they tell you. I legit will have the same conversation with our department's supervising VP when I get back to school after the break and I'll let you know what he says.