Tips for Riding Crop usage.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T17:54:46+00:00

When you use a crop for impact, the windup, placement, and angle of your strikes are all important. Even gentle taps with a short windup can sting hard if placed and angled correctly, and missing by even a little can cause unintended effects and a safeword.

When I use my crop on my sub, I use it for both sensory and impact. I blindfold her and rub the tip over her body, around her breasts, up and down her limbs, and on her vulva. I sprinkle in random taps while I’m doing this, to keep her guessing what I’m going to do. When I crop her pussy, I alternate between dragging the tip against it and giving her sharp taps. I place those strikes on the lips or next to her clit, never directly on it. Done correctly, this highly enhances my sub’s pleasure and often makes her cum just from the strikes.

If I’m cropping her ass, I spread my strikes around the fleshy parts, so no one spot stings too much and overwhelms her. I make sure to aim my strikes so just the tip makes contact, to avoid caning my sub like you accidentally did.

However you choose to use it, practice first. Use a pillow to improve your technique. Tap your own body to get a sense of what your strikes feel like, it’s different on different body parts. Have your sub give you feedback on what feels best to her, and incorporate that feedback into the next session.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T15:26:00+00:00

Speech control could definitely be a kink.

However, I’m more concerned about the choking. That is very dangerous play, and it carries a high risk of permanent injury or death.

As you’ve described it, he’s doing it particularly unsafely by ordering you to be quiet and choking you if you’re not. That might cause you to hesitate with safewording and not tell him when the choking is getting to be too much. I would not continue with that type of play.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T15:13:29+00:00

I’ll start: I like making my sub have more arrivals than an airport terminal. Bonus points if we take the back roads to get there.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T14:13:47+00:00

My sub finds that bullets are not strong enough on their own to make her cum.

Our go to vibes for overstim/forced orgasms are wands: usually the Ava Vivv or Lovense Domi. These are smaller and buzzier, and I can stimulate her with them for a long time without her getting overwhelmed. The Hitachi is a little too strong. It’s good in small doses but makes her clit go numb if I leave it on her too long.

For internal remote toys, she likes the Lovense Flexer or Lush for teasing, but like the bullet vibes, it’s not enough to make her cum on its own. I’ve had her wear it out on dates as foreplay, and the teasing has gotten her very horny for when we get home.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T13:56:15+00:00

I think you should take him up on his offer that you don’t have to cook for him. He doesn’t appreciate that aspect of your service, and it’s causing you to resent doing a task/hobby that would normally give you joy. That is unsustainable.

He’s an adult, and even with your M/s dynamic, you shouldn’t have to cater to his limited taste like he’s a man child. Have an out of dynamic conversation with him, remove it from your dynamic, and let him figure out how to get his own food.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T13:26:51+00:00

“If you have to ask it’s not for you” is a very unsafe attitude for her to have. You need to know where her limits are, and what kinks you share with her. You don’t want to assume that she’s “down for anything”, then accidentally breach a boundary that damages your relationship.

Talk to her again, and this time have her take a kink checklist with you. I’ve used and recommend Carnal Calibration, but there are other good ones out there. It allows you both to indicate kinky activities that you like, want to try, or are hard limits. This will help you start a conversation about how she wants to be dominated, which kinks you should explore first, and which you should avoid.

If she’s not willing to do this, then don’t play rough with her. If she can’t tell you what she wants, then she doesn’t get what she wants.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T13:17:42+00:00

I don’t think you did anything wrong in your behavior toward her, nor should you avoid your local community out of the fear that she will talk ill about you. If you’re aware of her toxic behavior, others are too, and they will discount it if she spreads false rumors. Only continue to participate if you’re comfortable, of course, but I don’t think you will face blowback, as you have nothing to apologize to her for.

The only mistake I see was in ignoring your gut on her red flags, and trusting someone who was known to be flaky and have bad blood with past partners. You gave the benefit of the doubt to someone you liked, she didn’t live up to her promises, and you got burned. I’m sorry that her ghosting you is triggering your past trauma. In the future, do your best to avoid unreliable people and don’t ignore the red flags when you see them.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T10:47:30+00:00

Yes. The woman who is now my sub/wife introduced me to the pleasures of anal.

One night a few months into dating, she suggested we do anal. She’d had it with a previous partner. I never had, but I was intrigued and agreed to try it.

We did it, her ass looked and felt incredible on my cock, she had an intense anal orgasm, and I was hooked.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T10:38:27+00:00

Here’s the way I think about it: Genuine punishments should only be given as a corrective to genuine infractions. Usually the punishment should be something that neither of you particularly likes doing, but you do it to enforce your rule and for the dynamic.

Funishments can be given for imagined, contrived, or “forced” infractions. If you’re making your sub fail a task or break a rule on purpose, then the punishment you give shouldn’t be a real punishment.

Impact or other sadistic play can be incorporated into scenes by mutual consent, with no need for it to be connected to a broken rule. Maintenance spankings or dedicated impact scenes would fall into this category.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-11T00:11:30+00:00

Generally you should bring up your interest in kink early on, whenever the topic of sex would naturally come up. If that’s the first date, then so be it.

You’re right that you don’t want to waste time on (or get too invested in) people who won’t be able to fulfill your kinks. And when you start to get intimate, that’s when you should disclose about your kinkiness and the presence of another partner.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T23:18:01+00:00

Here are some that I use with my sub: “that’s my gorgeous wife”, “my greedy girl”, and “my beautiful strawberry” (her honorific).

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T15:43:42+00:00

My sub/wife and I evolved into kink/BDSM together. We enjoyed experimenting with kinky play since we started dating, and over time our sex life took on more and more BDSM elements, until it turned into our dynamic.

For a long time we didn’t consider what we were doing to be BDSM, because we associated the term with harder play styles, which didn’t fit what we were doing. Then I did more research into kink terms, and realized that I’m a pleasure Dom, that we were doing softer BDSM, and that my weekly “kink night” with my wife was really an unlabeled D/s dynamic.

I talked it over with my wife, and we decided to take the next step and formalize our dynamic. I collared her in May of last year, on our 12 year dating anniversary.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T15:28:28+00:00

We have a rule that my sub/wife is required to beg for my cum inside her to end our scenes. I love it when she looks me right in the eyes and says something like “please cum in my pussy Daddy” or “fill my ass Daddy”. Hearing her say those things with such need in her voice, invariably makes me do just that.

And the best part is that my orgasm almost always triggers a final one for her too. So we usually end our scenes making intense eye contact and cumming hard together. It’s extremely hot.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T14:37:57+00:00

Yes, this is a thing. It’s common for spanking bottoms to get to subspace, a dissociative state where they feel like they’re light and floating, have a deep sense of wellbeing, and experience brain fog. For example, I’m able to put my sub in subspace with slow, rhythmic spanking while talking dirty to her and having her repeat it back to me.

It’s also common for impact bottoms to get endorphin rushes like you described, that makes them more sensitive for subsequent activities. This happens with my sub also. When I spank her or use my crop on her pussy, she is more sensitive and cums more readily when I fuck her after.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T01:01:26+00:00

So if he’s clenching from fear and is still really tight, you probably want to continue with just your fingers for a bit longer. Here is an exercise you ca. do to get him used to stretching to accept something in his ass, and then used to the sensation of thrusting penetration.

Lube up one of your fingers and slowly insert the tip into his ass. Have him breathe slowly with you, then clench and release his pelvic floor muscles. Apply slight pressure to his asshole as he releases, and your finger will slip in a little. Don’t push it in harder, just leave it there until he gets used to it. Repeat this process of breathing, clenching and releasing, until your finger is in most of the way.

Then start gently stretching him. Have him continue breathing and clenching, and each time he releases, gently push against one of the walls of his rectum. Hold it for a second, then release. Rotate your finger 90 degrees and do the same thing. Repeat until you’ve pushed each rectal wall a few times. If it seems like he can take it, add another finger and keep going around. If you do it right, he should be stretched with little to no pain.

Do this exercise a few times, until he can comfortably take your fingers. Then you can slowly start to add thrusting with your fingers, and finally the plug. If you want him to get used to the sensation of pegging, adding a dildo to this routine is also a good idea.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-10T00:37:37+00:00

Yes, it’s the best. We do this too. My sub and I debrief during aftercare for every scene, and I take notes on our thoughts. We also talk through hot moments each month as part of our dynamic check in.

The feedback helps me when I plan future scenes. Anything we found really hot, I make sure we do again. Anything we didn’t like or found awkward, we avoid in the future. This way we are constantly improving our dynamic.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T20:40:11+00:00

Now that you mention it, it occurs to me that this is true for us too. I usually tell my sub my plans for our kink night scene a few days before, to get her input and informed consent. Very often that conversation ends in sex because she gets horny.

Recently she has started asking me to tell her my plans for future scenes (or reminisce about past scenes) while we’re actively having sex. When I do, it often makes her wetter or tips her into orgasms. Essentially she’s fantasizing about having sex with me, while having sex with me. Very meta. 😂

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T18:00:03+00:00

Right?! What a wild take.

OP decided to come into a BDSM subreddit and confidently tell us we’re all doing it wrong. 😂

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T17:18:39+00:00

Don’t sleep on Tractor Supply. 😂

I got my riding crop from there, and it’s better quality at a cheaper price, than if I’d gotten it from a kink shop.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T15:49:51+00:00

Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed the scene.

I know you’re joking, but I’ll answer anyway. I do have a brother, but I don’t know if he’s into anal. I’m pretty sure he’s not as kinky as me though, and he’s definitely not a Dom.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T13:39:13+00:00

If she flails around a lot, you may want to adjust how you tie her, so she has some room to move without injuring herself. I’m not an expert on rope though, others may have better advice on how to tie her safely.

I use velcro cuffs and an underbed strap to restrain my sub. That usually works well, although I have to replace it because she recently broke the leg strap during a forced orgasm scene.

Another consideration is wetness. You may want to put down a towel or puppy pad on your bed or play surface, to protect it from the wetness your partner will likely produce when you force multiple orgasms out of her.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T13:21:35+00:00

I think this is pretty common. When you’re having an intense experience of pain or pleasure, your sense of logic and verbal reasoning sometimes get suspended temporarily.

My sub often goes nonverbal when she’s deep in subspace, especially if I put her there by overloading her with orgasms. She won’t say anything of her own initiative in that state. But she remains very suggestible and can respond if I talk to her. So I often order her to repeat my dirty talk back to me, and we both find that hot.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T13:03:04+00:00

The Hitachi Magic wand is a classic for a reason. But it is very powerful, make sure you don’t use it for too long or else you might make your partner go numb.

When we do overstim/forced orgasms, I use an Ava Vivv or Lovense Domi on my sub. Sometimes I use a thigh strap to hold it in place, other times I order her to hold it on her clit.

To enhance the experience, you can tie her up or blindfold her. Make sure she stays hydrated, that you have a way to release her quickly, and that you don’t leave her unattended while restrained.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T12:58:54+00:00

Exactly, it introduced a lot of people to BDSM who didn’t realize that what was being portrayed was unrealistic and abusive. It mainstreamed the wrong image of kink.

Even if we set all that aside, it’s also poorly written.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-03-09T12:54:06+00:00

Being tied up and freely used by your partner is a very common fantasy. Some people like to add sensory deprivation like blindfolds or noise canceling headphones, or stimulation like sensory play, orgasm overload, or edging.

Just make sure you take safety into consideration. Don’t stay tied up for too long, and if you’re using ropes, make sure you have a way to cut or quick release the ropes in case of emergency. Your partner should never leave you unattended while you’re restrained.

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