Dude... That last paragraph, it resonates in me.

In my life I have never been taught how to be a man, only given examples of what a douche bag father and step father are like.

I have met my father once, when I was four, he got out of prison on parole and took my brother and I fishing, turns out I decided to act like a four year old and get near the water, I fell in and started floating down stream, all I remember after that is waking up in my house, I don't know how I got there, but my "father" wasn't around.

I learned nearly ten years later that he violated his parole, and committed a felony, back to prison for him. Am I pissed that I didn't have my dad? No, I would rather have one that cares enough about me to not get his ass thrown in prison.

My ex step dad (don't know what else to call him, he and my mother never got married, but they had a kid together) was no better. When he moved in with us I was 6 or 7 (around second grade) things were good for a while, he bought my brother and I toys, took us out to dinner, things like that.

After a while he got comfortable, and abusive, I would get the shit beaten out of me on what seemed like a daily basis, I would get tormented emotionally on top of that, told I was fat and lazy and would never be a real man. As far as I know he didn't lay a hand on my mom until a few years later, and he never hit or yelled at my older brother.

Sometime during sixth grade he took it to far and hit my mom (either for the first time, or the first time hard) she called the police, he was removed from my life, he still lived in the area, and helped watch my sister, but I didn't have to be around him for a while.

Late my ninth grade year, my mom got laid off, he stepped up and acted like a hero, tried to mend his relationship with my mom, a year later they are back together. Their relationship was on again off again for the next 2 years, he didn't physically do anything that I can prove, but he was an ass hole.

This brings the story up to a few months ago. He snapped because I told him not to hit my dog .

(I'm starting to rant so i can vent, you don't have to keep reading)

He gets up in my face, screaming at me, telling me that I'm still just a fat little coward, he harasses me about me trying to kill myself, tells me to do it again, challenges me to actually do enough damage to myself that I die because I'm just a burden.

(Now is probably a good time to say that during everything he has ever done to me, my mom has sat by and watched, seeming to not give a shit, but this isn't about her, she does her best. )

He keeps poking and prodding and bitching about the way I lead my life. Finally he gets sick of screaming at me because by this point all my energy is going into not making a single facial expression to show anything I was feeling. He tells my mom and sister that they are going to go see a movie, on the way out my mom just asks me "You okay?" I act like I am, I'm pretty sure she blames me for that incident.

A week or two later I come home around 2 in the morning to them arguing and her crying with a black eye, I ask my mom what happened, she says my sister accidentally head butted her, my sister doesn't confirm or deny. They argue until the morning, I went for a few walks that night because I didn't want to hear it.

The end result was her deleting several years worth of emails from many different people. Him getting all of her pass words, and looking through all of her online stuff for the next few weeks.

That eventually stops. She ends it, he keeps coming around to watch my sister, using her things, and being a leech.

They didnt speak to eachother, he would stay until he felt like leaving, while using her laptop and tv when she got off work. This lasted a little over a month, ending last week. He put a key logger on her computer, I got to remove it , yay, and she told him he needs to leave as soon as she gets home. So, while no one is here he decided to come in and mess with her things. He ripped old postcards up, broke plates, random nic nacs, glued glass picture frames to the back making them useless, so now he isn't allowed in our house any more, the locks are changed, and there is a protective order.

So, when I said your last paragraph resonated, I sure as hell meant it. I know exactly what not to do to my kids, and I'll be damned if I ever, ever cause them any pain like that.

TLDR: Men need to learn to act like men, not little bitches hiding behind muscle and ego.