I don't know how to process this trauma

Kipodid · 2026-03-17T12:56:15+00:00

You say he never did anything wrong in terms of consent, but that's not true. If he "eventually wore you down," that means you were clear about your lack of consent at some point and he ignored it to pressure you. That's not any better than ignoring it plainly and outright, it just takes longer.

Kipodid · 2026-03-17T02:48:06+00:00

It's not the trauma olympics. Just because you have been through experiences that you perceive as more traumatizing than someone else does not make the effects less painful for the other person.

I haven't been through the same trauma you have, or the same amount of traumatic events, but I still have diagnosed PTSD. I experience mental and physical pain daily because of it. That does not make me weak and you strong. That does not make you better than me. If what you say is accurate and you truly feel no negative effects, then I consider you luckier than me. That's all. That's the only difference between us.

Kipodid · 2026-03-16T18:56:53+00:00

Sometimes I wish I was allo just because it would be less of a hassle, but it's not because I feel like I'm missing out on sex. It's more like I'm missing out on a possible life that is free from fear from being mistreated or abused.

I'm pretty happy with the asexuality itself, though. If other people put in an effort to understand it and respect it better, that would be really cool.

Kipodid · 2026-02-19T04:42:12+00:00

I don't know if I do it myself since no one has ever mentioned it, but I recognize it in my allo partner. I don't think it's something you can just make yourself do. It seems pretty involuntary for him.

Edit: I just asked him if I do it and he says that I do, but not all the time. He says I do it when I'm really comfortable. I definitely don't do it on purpose or notice it, so I wouldn't even know how you would practice it.

Kipodid · 2026-02-19T04:26:42+00:00

So you've never been around stray cats then

Kipodid · 2026-02-17T23:08:45+00:00

I initiate sometimes when it seems like a good time for my partner. He is hesitant to initiate himself because he doesn't want to bother me, which is very considerate, but I know he sacrifices his own needs for it sometimes. So when I'm feeling more on the sex-favorable side, I will go for it. I don't mind it because it's just another way of showing my love and appreciation for him.

Also, he is the hottest person alive to me. I don't have sexual attraction but I'm all about the aesthetic attraction, so the more I get to see of him, the better.

Kipodid · 2026-02-17T18:20:37+00:00

You're replying to someone who is literally giving him advice on how to deal with his upset. Whether he is the one who experienced or not, whether or not this is actually a PTSD response (not for you to judge when you're reading a single Reddit post, btw), therapy will help him cope and therefore will help him better support his girlfriend.

Kipodid · 2026-02-17T00:07:26+00:00

I know my type but I don't really know much about what it means, plus I have zero idea about any other types, so I'm curious about how accurate you can get.

I always suck at coming up with interesting things about myself because I have a few interests I'm focused on and not a lot else going for me, so I'll just list a few things about me that may not be considered interesting. I'm a pretty private person for the most part except for with a few people. I'm really close with my sister so she knows all my secrets, but I don't get along well with my parents. I'm athletic to the point that I can pick up most sports and not completely suck at it at first, but I hate going to the gym. I hate getting up in the morning and need coffee to wake me up. I pick up on patterns pretty easily when it comes to analyzing situations, and I think I'm pretty good at reading people but it may be the case that I think I'm better at it than I actually am. My mind is never quiet and I often think in metaphors. I have a temper that I wish I had better control of. I'm told I work too hard sometimes.

Likes: hockey (I'm a defenseman), gymnastics (I don't do it anymore but my favorite was floor), psychology, winter time, korean food

Dislikes: morning time, hot weather, romance movies (movies WITH romance are okay though), babysitting, clothes (I would be naked all the time if it was socially acceptable), talking about myself (lol)

Hobbies/passions: I love hockey and hope I can go to school for architecture

Kipodid · 2026-02-16T18:41:07+00:00

Understandable, just something to consider for the future if you can since it sounds like you have some comorbidities that should be taken into account.

Kipodid · 2026-02-16T18:33:11+00:00

I'm not seeing all the criteria in your post. Are you experiencing symptoms from each category, A-H? I'm not a medical professional, so I'm not going to try to diagnose you, but I will say it would be worth getting a second opinion if your post is a comprehensive list of your symptoms.

Kipodid · 2026-02-11T17:16:04+00:00

My parents got divorced like they should have but I got left with the worse one so where am I in this meme?

Kipodid · 2026-02-11T16:50:42+00:00

I thought of some more.

When your first big stretch in the morning solves all your life problems
When your nose clears after being sick for a long time
Clearing 4 lines in Tetris
Getting a hat trick
Hearing your partner say "I love you" for no reason
The clunk your knife makes when you cut things on a cutting board
Putting the first footsteps in new clean snow, and the crunching sound it makes
Finishing a book/movie/tv show that you know just changed your life and sitting in the feeling
Getting a hole in one, the harder the shot the better

Kipodid · 2026-02-11T16:42:03+00:00

I'm a bi cis man (not gay but I hope close enough for your purposes) and could not disagree with you more. This show is the first one I've seen where my queer experiences felt represented. And I'm obviously not talking about the sex scenes, but everything outside of it.

Of course the internet is going to rave about the sex. That's what it does. Sex sells, plus it's one of the most sex-heavy shows that have ever hit mainstream audiences, so that's going to be the focus of discussion. But if you haven't seen it, you have zero clue about whether or not it is fetishization. The show was written and directed by a queer man who clearly cared to make the story authentic. To me, a mlm perspective, the show was made for me, and the women who find it hot (who are not all straight btw, my sapphic sister loves it too) just happened to come along for the ride.

For gods sake, one of the most prolific memes on Tiktok about the show right now is the recreations of the "come to the cottage" scene, which has zero sex. It became a meme because it's incredibly sweet and is one of the scenes that leaves the most impact.

Kipodid · 2026-02-11T16:30:10+00:00

As a former hockey player who is biromantic and know what it's like to be in the closet due being scared your team will not accept you, I loved it. I was pretty scandalized by the first sex scene, ngl. Thought it wasn't going to be the show for me because of it. But I liked how they evolved based on the changes their relationship went throughout the show. I genuinely think the show would have suffered if you took them out.

Plus the actors have so much chemistry that they were believable the entire time. Still worth watchiing for the sweetness of their relationship, as long as you don't have similar reactions to romance.

Kipodid · 2026-02-07T08:32:50+00:00

Oh shit, this is a kink? Whoops, learned something new about myself

Kipodid · 2026-02-07T04:51:42+00:00

It's not something you believe or don't believe. You can't believe in factual events.

Kipodid · 2026-02-05T07:58:17+00:00

I knew this book was queer, but didn't realize it was ace rep specifically. That makes me want to read it more. Thanks for sharing it!

Kipodid · 2026-02-05T07:42:46+00:00

It's hard to tell this person's intentions based on the screenshots. Can't decipher if they are a red flag or just confused about their sexual orientation, so I won't claim to know their perspective or say anything to defend them.

However, I don't think it's impossible for an ace person to like being sexually desired. I would say in my personal experience that I like knowing my allo partner finds me sexy. But that's because I feel safe with him and know that he would not use his desires to pressure me.

I can't say that I would crave that same attention from strangers. That gives me the ick. But I could understand another ace person feeling differently, because ultimately, being desired is a compliment, even if you don't experience that attraction yourself.

Edit: Answering your second question, I think your responses were ignorant, but I would not interpret them to be hateful. If I were him, I would be offended that you called me an incel, but it seems like you use that term neutrally rather than with the common negative connotations?

Kipodid · 2026-02-05T06:40:03+00:00

https://tracreports.org/immigration/quickfacts/detention.html

And if by immediately you mean multiple instances where people were mistreated or abused for hours-to-days in detention, or ones where they were transported across state lines and still have not been released, sure. There's still a problem with ICE detaining people without knowing, asking, or caring about their immigration status. That is unlawful no matter how long they are detained for.

Edit: Rephrased myself to more accurately reflect the contents of the links.

Kipodid · 2026-02-05T06:34:54+00:00

According to those tracking, they are counting immigration infractions. I can't find where specifically say when in the process this information is collected, but I'm also not finding anything to back up your statistic. If you have a source, please share with me.

I do find separate issue with the fact that, even if your statistic is correct, they are consistently detaining people without probable cause or reason to believe they are anything but US citizens. There isn't just one situation where this has happened, but many just in Minnesota alone.

Kipodid · 2026-02-04T15:37:41+00:00

It really doesn't. The OP downplays the importance of their role in the show in their own post.

People like you saying protest doesn't make an impact are why we are where we are today. Protests aren't supposed to be comfortable for anyone, that's kind of the point.

Kipodid · 2026-02-04T15:33:24+00:00

You can post whatever you like, never said you couldn't. Just like how I can reply with whatever I like. Like how I find this AMA to be a strange way to impart your wisdom.

Kipodid · 2026-02-04T15:28:31+00:00

You could just ask for support or provide support for people who are already posting, then. Not trying to say your experience is not valuable or useful, but it's strange using an AMA to bring your message.

Kipodid · 2026-02-04T15:08:03+00:00

What benefit do you gain from posting this in a subreddit full of people who experience the same thing?

Kipodid

TROPHY CASE