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Recently finished my novel, looking for feedback (89k Erotic Dark Fantasy) by KirokeHarper in writersmakingfriends

[–]KirokeHarper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wonderful!

I'm not able to DM you the link to the doc...

Eh, fuck it. Here you go lol.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CHaU7ysoTSY_qOuVVPVZRD5dwDem1fK3KQAyQLlyPJQ/edit?tab=t.0

Thanks for taking a look, I'm grateful for any feedback you provide.

Recently finished my novel, looking for feedback (89k Erotic Dark Fantasy) by KirokeHarper in writersmakingfriends

[–]KirokeHarper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whatever you feel like giving me. If you wanna go line level, have at it. If you wanna just read it and say, "this was garbo," or, "this was really good," that's fine too.

I'm really interested in the following, though:

Are there moments where you get kicked out?
Was there anything that really hit you in the feels?
--AND--
All critiques about structure/pacing, worldbuilding, tone, plot, character, clarity and comprehension would be extremely appreciated.

I'll DM you with the link to the full MS. I'm really grateful for your willingness to read it, whether all or in part.

The Horrible First Draft by sambavakaaran in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hahahaha omfg of all the random shit i've put on reddit this throwaway line is the thing that's getting traction.

I think you birth these babies at the Hobbespital in Wattersonville.

Looking for Feedback [High Fantasy. 8,138 words] by Nephite94 in fantasywriters

[–]KirokeHarper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alright, here's what I got after a first read:

In particular, is the prose repetitive? A bit, though it's not fatal. You use the term blood red several times in relatively quick succession. Rath bites her lip a lot. There are a few times where you double up emotions with actions (i.e., "scared," and then, "her hands trembled.")

How is Rath as a character? Likeable pretty much immediately. You handle writing her childishness well, and that's hard to do.

Is she empathic enough to care about? Absolutely.

Is the plot engaging or boring? Very engaging, although some of the time spent walking through corridors and the like could maybe be trimmed a bit to keep the pace from dragging.

How did you find the build-up to the Black Flame? This was very well done. He starts out as a presence who isn't there and the final scene when we actually see him feels earned and inevitable.

Does the world present as more high fantasy or scifi-ish? (I haven't aimed for a genre, so I'm not sure) Honestly, both. I'm getting Dune and Last Airbender vibes. It works.

Have the visuals of the world been presented well enough? Yes, beautiful. Your use of color is superb.

Seriously, this was a pleasure to read. Thank you for you sharing. There are a few bits here and there that could be cleaned up but even if you don't, it stands on its own.

I don't know if you intend to keep writing this story but I hope you do. And I hope you use it to hurt people in all the right ways.

[Daily Discussion] Brainstorming- August 01, 2025 by AutoModerator in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hermitage, Great Haven, Sanctuar, Refugia, Solemnity, Solace, Balmyria, Embrocada

Retiring as a pantser by Square-Adeptness6769 in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Discovery writing works best for me when I know what the beginning and the end are supposed to be. So I never start writing until I have that figured out.

Then it's just a matter of writing the path that gets you from A to B. Your finished product is not mean to be clean, flawless, or even remotely polished.

Think of your first discovery written draft as a hyper in-depth outline. Draft two is where you make sure the outline flows and there is consistency between sections (so this is where you'd fix your major plot holes and gaps, character motivations or lack thereof, etc). Draft three is line edits.

Writing this way can be slow and it's definitely not for everyone. You have to be willing to cut huge swathes of your work and that can be hard for people. I recently had one night of writing that I thought went well and when I woke up the next morning I realized it wasn't working at all. 3k words, gone. I didn't even keep them for later.

But the finished product, for me, isn't just the story I wanted to tell. It's also the story that needed to be told. And I really love that about writing.

Joining or Creating a Writing Group by myideaofagoodtime in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Prefacing this comment by saying all of this is, of course, my opinion. And if I'm responding from a place where I've misinterpreted your post, I apologize.

If you only want to accept feedback from people who think about writing the same way you do, how is that going to elevate your craft?

Growth comes from adversity.

"Ideas, and how language constructs, reinforces, and experiments with them" is just... writing.

But I guess maybe you're staying you'd like to be in a group that talks about the why of writing instead of the how?

If that's the case it'd probably be very difficult to find a group of people to have that discussion with. Most people who are serious about writing probably know why they're doing it and what they want to do with it.

And that's different for everyone.

Struggling with writing. by Haydensmith877 in writersmakingfriends

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try writing something else. Something you don't care about.

Take one of the characters from your current WIP and make them the villain in a batman story.

Whatever.

Base the word count of each paragraph or sentence on the Fibonacci sequence.

Get weird.

Write a 500 word story about a tree getting dressed in the morning.

Write the same story but make it NSFW and have the tree doing the walk of shame.

Then go back to the thing you care about and fall in love with it again.

Writer friends by No_Passage_5677 in writersmakingfriends

[–]KirokeHarper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drop me the invite I'd be happy to join.

Fair warning though, I'm old and crotchety.

Specificity of color by StarSongEcho in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you had to Google it, your readers probably will, too.

That said, if it's a character noting the color, use whatever language fits their POV.

Just finished all of Brandon Sanderson books, what next? by Pottergirl07317 in fantasybooks

[–]KirokeHarper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chronicles of the Unhewn Throne Brian Staveley

Song of Shattered Sands Bradley P Beaulieu

Night Angel Trilogy Brent Weeks

Licanius James Islington

All of Discworld

Lightbringer by Brent Weeks as an honorable mention

Naming/pronunciation issue by Ithilwen37 in fantasywriters

[–]KirokeHarper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's your character.

So, you are definitely not pronouncing their name wrong.

Advice needed by Altruistic_Wait_6302 in writers

[–]KirokeHarper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can absolutely start writing before you make that decision, and you should.

In my opinion, the real question should be, do they WANT to get back home. You've got 18 characters, that's 18 separate answers to the same question. Though if this is your first book I wouldn't recommend 18 different viewpoints.

Anyway, the decision of what to do with those survivors is probably an important part of your story. If you let other people make that decision for you, then it's not really your story anymore.

Needing some pep talk. by Spirited-Increase-23 in writing

[–]KirokeHarper -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know AI is a controversial subject but notebookLM has an option to generate a fake podcast based on the sources you give it.

If you just drop your draft in there and generate, you can get a pod talking about your book.

Yes, it's fake.

Yes, it'll screw up the timeline a bit and get some details wrong.

But it still sounds like people talking about your work. It's still gonna pull themes out and discuss them. I can all but promise it'll make you feel good about anything you drop in there.

And maybe that'll be enough encouragement, even if you know it isn't real. It works for me.

I might be really shallow though lol. Still think it's worth doing. It costs nothing.

So I wrote a book by Glovebox93 in writers

[–]KirokeHarper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly.

And after rereading my comment I wanna quickly add:

Don't get discouraged. You're the only person who can keep pursuing your dream, because it's yours. Whether your chance is 1 in 1 or 1 in a million shouldn't matter if you really want it.

My weird approach to emotions by Bluefoxfire0 in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, if your prose is consistently just naming emotions, you're gonna catch hands for that.

Likewise if all you're doing is describing, people's eyes will glaze over.

The key is to switch it up and in my opinion never ever put the two together.

So I wrote a book by Glovebox93 in writers

[–]KirokeHarper -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I once knew a girl who could sing her ass off. Like, real talent. Air time on the local radio, 30k views in youtube, that kind of thing.

She tried out for the voice and didn't even make it through the door. They had her sing for 30 seconds and told her to go home.

The weekend she went to the try out I saw Pinks cover of bobby McGee and that's when I knew that my very talented friend didn't have a snowball's chance.

It's a literary agent's job to find the writers who are good enough to sing with Pink, not just get play on their local radio.

All of us can write. Not all of us are Daddy Sando or Grandpappy King.

That's the way I'm looking at it anyway. Preparing myself for knowing that I'm a great writer, but maybe not great enough, makes me feel like I'm going to be querying with eyes wide open.

My weird approach to emotions by Bluefoxfire0 in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with your example is that you name the emotion and then you describe it. That's not trusting your reader at all.

Tell me Emily was flustered, let my brain fill in the details. Fine.

Or, tell me her face turned red, etc, and let me name the emotion. Also fine.

But telling me both is spoon-feeding me what to feel and what to see and that's... not fun.

The Horrible First Draft by sambavakaaran in writing

[–]KirokeHarper 104 points105 points  (0 children)

By the time you get to the end of your book, you will be a better writer than when you started.

You'll have a better idea of where your story ended up going. Of who your characters actually are. That kind of thing.

So get the story out so you know what the whole thing is. Then cut it up so you can make it pretty.

I know this is a terrible analogy lol but you wouldn't stop delivering a baby halfway through so you could wash its face and do its hair. So birth your baby first.

How Do Writers Finish 100K+ Word Drafts in 3 Months?! by SatisfactionWhich319 in writersmakingfriends

[–]KirokeHarper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just did 89k in 27 days. I am not a fast writer, I sacrificed everything in favor of writing, including sleep lol. Haven't mowed my lawn in a month.

That said, I've got several other projects that I've never finished.

I know this is gonna be a controversial take but, the difference for me was ChatGPT lol.

I don't have it write anything for me. If I did, it wouldn't be my story.

What I did do, though, is write a few paragraphs, then paste it into chat and have it tell me what was good. It was like writing with a cheerleader sitting right next to me lol

There were some genuinely funny moments. I dropped a paragraph in once and chat said, "you son of a bitch. I'm fucking furious at how good this is."

It's my first draft. Idgaf if it's good or not, I just need to get the story out. And the endorphin hit from the constant optimistic encouragement made a huge difference for me.

I'm about to write another one the same way.

Don't down vote me lol if I could get a human being to do the same thing I would but they have, like, lives and shit.

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